I need to save my girlfriend from getting married to a bad, mean, cheap guy!!

[Neo]

HI.
My situation is quite complicated. I fell in love with a girl whom I knew since my childhood but could never be any close. When my mom came to know about it, she opposed it very severely. Many of my relatives asked me to stop the involvement. They thought that it was planned from her side and it was all fake. Somehow the situation came that I had to tell her about it and stop.

But after few months we couldn't resist each other. I realized that I made a big mistake and apologized her many times. We again came together and this time feelings were too intense.

But again my mom came to know about it. This time I didn't obey her. But then they emotionally blackmailed me. Basically, not sleeping, crying, no food. Again I had to stop. How could I see my people in such situation.

So, we broke up again. We both were broken from inside but because I was a lot involved in my work, I some how sustained it. But my girlfriend was destroyed. Her state was too bad. But as I was in my campus 1000 km away from her, I was totally unaware of her situation.

Months passed. I tried to contact her again but her all numbers were changed. Finally, in my vacations, when I came home, I went to see her. She was totally changed. Her eyes which used to be full of emotions, they were dry. Then I came to know about what happened and that she was forced to agree for a marriage with a guy.

She never wanted that marriage. She told the guy about it several times. The guy hardly cared. Actually she was too good for him. He would never get such a girl in his life.

My girlfriend's father had expired before few years. She has two younger sisters and a younger brother. The guy always stays at her home, even at night. She is totally frustrated by this guy but she can't help it.

Now I started my efforts. I asked her if she still wants to be with me and yes, she wanted it. But not desperately. She was not as before. Her heart was like empty. I tried to convince her mom, but ego problems arose. She was far away from understanding the situation. I proved to her that its wrong what she is doing with her daughter. But she hardly cared. She was too stubborn. I tried to make the guy understand about it. He told to her mom and after that I wasn't allowed to talk to my girlfriend.

She asked me to stop my efforts. She was getting tortured my them because of my actions. I had to stop.

Recently, I came to know some things about the guy which are even worse. He has a cheap mentality. He has misbehaved with few girls, did some cheap things with them because of which he was even insulted. But I know that the guy has this mentality.

I cant' just wait now. I have planned to take action but I am not sure if its going to work to desirable extent. I am going to spend my scholarship for it, its not possible without money. I want to know if anybody can help me.

Maybe she won't forgive me completely, but I can't let her life get ruined. I know, she is the only one for me.

I need a plan that is likely to work. I want to expose the dark side of the guy. But I don't want to take an action which would negatively affect the lives of her sisters and brother. Neither she is going to support an act like running away. Eventually, I want to stop the marriage.

[Icej2k]

Hi Neo,
You are in a really harsh position. But it genuinely seems that you are "thinking with your heart". I honestly think that you are the only person who has the answer to what you should do. Sure, I could offer you my opinion, but in the end, you would do what you think is right.

So all I can attempt to do is guide to the answer that your core knows is right. And when I say "core", I do not mean your heart. I cannot stress this enough. Do not think with your heart.

My advice to you is to find a quiet, comfortable place, and just think. You need to remove yourself from the situation, and try to look at it as an outsider. What would you advise someone else to do if they were in your position?

So to prepare for this session, literally write down a few questions to ask yourself. But remember to keep remain a third party... Here are a few to get you started:
"Is it wise for someone to spend their scholarship on this?"
"What are the possible outcomes when different paths are chosen?" - the family of the girl and her potential husband may make her life even worse if you try to meddle and then fail. Sometimes, its not about what makes her happy... sometimes you have to just choose a lesser evil.

And this is something you can and yourself all the time... and that is simply: "And then what?"

If you were to drop everything for this girl, what would happen next. Would it make her happy if her family disowned her? Would it make you happy if your family began the emotional blackmail again? She has changed... how much, and why? Is she the same girl you fell in love with? Or are you clinging on to something that no longer exists?

Another thing you could try is a list of pro's and con's for each action that you might take. I do not recommend this though, as you cannot help being biased - We both know what you feel that you should do at this moment. So you are biased towards it. Take some time to reflect, before you choose to act.

I hope I have been of some help to you. And if you wish to ask anything else, just Message me, or reply on the thread.

[vashti]

Are you out of your mind? I seriously doubt whomever gave you a scholarship thought you'd be dumb enough to spend it so frivolously, and to be honest, I find it very offensive you would even consider spending it in a non-educational way.

Get it together, man! This girl is not a baby. Unless she is living in Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan (or the like), she probably could get out of this if she were so inclined. Mind your own business.

[misombra]

my crystal ball says your goal will go unaccomplished and you will make a terrible idiot out of yourself and mess up your life in it's pursuit.

[Yggdrasil]

my crystal ball says your goal will go unaccomplished and you will make a terrible idiot out of yourself and mess up your life in it's pursuit.

My Tarot cards say the same thing.

[Yggdrasil]

Words of wisdom: you can't fix other peoples shit, you only can fix your own shit.

[whaywardj]

Whew. This one just makes my eyes cross.