Am I The Rebound Guy?

[lhn]

Sean... Make sure you don't put yourself in the situation where you will be hurt. I did it to myself today. I saw my ex has deleted all the photo's of us from her computer as well as finding some pictures of a saucy outfit she has bought and worn for her new fella.
I've felt sick for around 2hrs now and its not passing quickly. But, it's my fault. I put myself in that position to once again get hurt.
Kicking myself hugely.

Curiosity killed the cat...

[lovesjoyajm]

She texts me back, very coldly, something like "jeez, working together a isn't life or death situation. Try acting like an adult."

Seriously? I mean, she knows she just broke my heart,

You did break up with her. Do whatever you need to to get over her, but she shouldn't have to deal with that every step of the way. I don't really blame her for getting annoyed, especially if it seems like her being understanding will lead to more of this texting nonsense.

[shheadz]

You did break up with her.

Yeaaaahhh.. but not exactly. I really didn't want to break up with her. I did and still do adore her to death despite all the issues surrounding our relationship. I broke up with her because I knew she was losing interested in me, but she'd drag out the relationship for months before finally having the courage to break it off. It's what she's done with previous boyfriends. So she was pretty happy about the whole thing.

Now that it's all over with I can put the whole relationship into perspective, and see just how much of it was my fault. I have a defense mechanism where I initially blame everyone but myself for our problems. To be honest, I think a lot of it was my fault. Not all of it, but I did more than my share to ruin the relationship, and bring her emotional issues to the surface. I was busy blaming her for being a crazy emotional bitch, without realizing I was the cause of some of her problems. Not all of them, but some of them.

Here's the real kicker: She called me yesterday and asked me to come to thanksgiving dinner with her and her family. She caught me off guard with the question, and before I could think about it I said yes. I realize that was a mistake, and she's trying to shove me into some kind of friend cubbyhole, and that isn't something I want. So I kept the day causal, and we had fun, and that's that.

Despite our problems I'd like to get back together with her. Yeah, sad huh? I know that what I need to do is just get over her, and move on with my life. She'll approach me if she still has any feelings for me. And if she doesn't, well then it wasn't meant to be. It's going to be a little bit harder with us working together, but I managed to pique her interest once by completely ignoring her existence at work, and I'm sure I can do it again.

I know she's going to get mad if I ignore her calls and texts. She's going to call me immature and all that. But I'm not letting her turn me into a friend like she has with some previous boyfriends. I'm not letting her keep all the benefits of having me around without any of the intimate stuff.

[lhn]

Why don't you both agree to a decision. Decide whether it would work if you both tried again or whether its best to go your seperate ways.

If you decide to go seperate ways then you can confirm to her that you just want a plutonic working relationship and nothing more.

I know this makes it sound really simple but otherwise you will fall into the same awkward inifinite space that I'm in with my ex. Things just went on too long and what was a great friendship has been truely ruined!

[shheadz]

In case anyone is wondering why I'd want to rekindle what might seem like a bad relationship, it's this: I love her, and I know she loved me. I've been in enough relationships to know that something special developed. Something that goes beyond physical attraction. It's hard to get the point across in a forum, but I know.

When I say she lost interest in me, it wasn't really that. She was just sick of me, and there's a difference. I went from being the cool, fun, confident guy that initially caught her attention, to being a clingy, insecure boyfriend that was on her ass 24/7. Even life long best friends can get sick of each other if they spend way too much time around each other, and I hardly gave her any breathing room. I didn't even want to be around her that much, but I was being jealous and insecure, and didn't want to leave her alone for a single moment.

I wasn't fully happy in the relationship because I had unreasonable expectations. I tried to be super-boyfriend after we started dating. I put in a huge amount of effort to be the best boyfriend she's ever had (Probably because I'm insecure), which also made the relationship feel to me like a lot of work instead of fun. I then unconsciously expected the same from her, and I end up being let down when she wouldn't or couldn't live up to the invisible standards I set for her.

I honestly learn from my mistakes, and if she'll have me back I know I can avoid those pitfalls. I'd like to hit the reset button on the whole relationship, and start from scratch. All I can do to make that happen is sit back, and hopefully she'll remember why she was so attracted to me in the first place. Most importantly, I need to make her un-sick of me by going far, far away from her.

[shheadz]

Why don't you both agree to a decision. Decide whether it would work if you both tried again or whether its best to go your seperate ways.

See my post above. I want her to forget about how clingy and insecure I was acting, so right now I think the worse thing I can is act desperate, and start talking about getting back together. It's too soon. I need to give her time to remember why she liked me in the first place, and that's not going to happen unless I completely back off.

[lhn]

Ow ok. Yeah, thats explained the situation a bit clearer to me.

Stick to your plan. sounds good.

[shheadz]

God.. she makes it worse. We had to work together tonight. I'm still really upset about the whole thing. She asked if I wanted to go out for drinks tonight. I said no. She asked if I wanted to go to her parents for dinner on Sunday. I said no. She's a really sweet girl, and I know she feels bad for me, but my god.. she just makes it so much worse by trying to be nice to me.