Guys have you ever downgraded?

[smitty]

I downgrade my standards quite a bit.

[Primo]

All guys on LF have their masters degree, earn well into 6 figures, look like Pitt, are built like Schwarzenegger, have 10" cocks and are the best lover their current g/f and/or all of their ex's have ever had.

OF COURSE they downgrade !

[chump4u]

Yes, I've downgraded my expectations all my life. Every woman who cheated on me, used me for an emotional punching bag, and turned out to have a private character and personality that was nothing like her public face, taught me to expect just a little less from the next woman.

The problem is that after many, many vicious bitches I realize that emotional abuse and barely-adequate sex is likely to be all any woman is willing to bring to a "relationship." Hardly makes it worthwhile to me, but I suppose I'm just being judgmental, or something.

[IndiReloaded]

The problem is that after many, many vicious bitches I realize that emotional abuse and barely-adequate sex is likely to be all any woman is willing to bring to a "relationship."

I don't suppose you've considered that if you keep having these problems with a number of different people, that perhaps YOU are the common element?

[chump4u]

Indi, I expected that little "it's all your fault" sneer, but I didn't really expect it from you. My mistake, I guess.

Anyway, your point that I am the fault-factor would be valid (marginally) if it turned out that all, or even any, of the women I think "done me wrong" had gone on to have decent relationships with other guys after they finished screwing me over. That's not the case, I'm happy to say. All of them (that I kept track of) continued to spread misery everywhere they went.

If there's anything common-factor about my experiences, it's that I'm one of the many, many common victims of common bitches-- who are very, very common in our best of all worlds.

[IndiReloaded]

I didn't say it was your fault, I asked if you considered the possibility. The two statements are quite different. And yes, you should expect that from me by now: I consider the facts as given and provide a likely hypothesis. Several different women with all the same problem outcome leads me to the following hypotheses:

- you are the problem
- your choice in women is the problem (see point above)
- you are extremely unlucky (not usually the case in relationships b/c there is usually a screening process/choice involved)

[chump4u]

- you are the problem
- your choice in women is the problem (see point above)
- you are extremely unlucky (not usually the case in relationships b/c there is usually a screening process/choice involved)

Yeah, really.

Can we add (D): "You made the mistake of trusting women to reciprocate love, kindness, and fidelity."

And (E): "All of the above."

If we can, then I'll take (E). If not, sucks to you.

Anyway, I don't give a damn whose fault it is, in the end. I reserve the right to interpret life's lessons according to my own experience, and my experience teaches me to expect nothing but misery from any relationship other than the one-nighters and F**k-buddy arrangements I've lived with for several relatively happy years.

[lilly1185]

I didn't say it was your fault, I asked if you considered the possibility. The two statements are quite different. And yes, you should expect that from me by now: I consider the facts as given and provide a likely hypothesis. Several different women with all the same problem outcome leads me to the following hypotheses:

- you are the problem
- your choice in women is the problem (see point above)
- you are extremely unlucky (not usually the case in relationships b/c there is usually a screening process/choice involved)

I will say there are people out there who have targets over their heads. Some people (co-dependents, mostly) skip the screening process or ignore the red flags all together. They justify someone's ill behaviour and rationalise it to a point where out bursts are "just another day", instead of addressing the problem early on and using the whole "communication skill" to reduce any future relationship problems.
Then resentment builds to a point where the final straw is equivalent to a volcanic eruption. The finger gets pointed at the individual (who may have been unaware they were doing anything wrong all along...), and walks away feeling miffed and betrayed.

And chump, it sounds a little like you're a commitment-phobe.

[chump4u]

Some people (co-dependents, mostly)...

And chump, it sounds a little like you're a commitment-phobe.

No, it's not a "phobia," it's a full-blown psychosis-- an induced psychosis.

But I love the way that people on LF can find a handy bit of gibber to cover any possible avenue of escape: got vicious bitches in your past? It's because you're "co-dependent." Learned that some people can't be trusted? Well, You're a "commitment-phobe."

But, then, Blame The Victim is a favorite parlor game among women, isn't it?

[lilly1185]

No, it's not a "phobia," it's a full-blown psychosis-- an induced psychosis.

But I love the way that people on LF can find a handy bit of gibber to cover any possible avenue of escape: got vicious bitches in your past? It's because you're "co-dependent." Learned that some people can't be trusted? Well, You're a "commitment-phobe."

But, then, Blame The Victim is a favorite parlor game among women, isn't it?

I never called you co-dependent, I merely pointed out that occasionally, there are reasons behind a string of poorly developed relationships.

I'm C-D. I ignore LOTS of red flags and develop a victim-martyr complex pretty easily.

I said SOUNDED LIKE you're a...

then you go and blow it all out of proportion.
You ACT like you have narcissistic personality disorder,
and you ARE a touch paranoid.
Better?

[chump4u]

Some people (co-dependents, mostly)...

I said SOUNDED LIKE... you have narcissistic personality disorder,
and you ARE a touch paranoid.
Better?

This isn't fair. You're obviously sitting there at your computer with your Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders open next to you-- and my copy is in a box somewhere in my storeroom.

I guess I'd better bail out before you get any further down the list of terms...

[lilly1185]

This isn't fair. You're obviously sitting there at your computer with your Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders open next to you-- and my copy is in a box somewhere in my storeroom.

I guess I'd better bail out before you get any further down the list of terms...

LOL not at all. My bff is a completed psych major, and all her fun school times have rubbed off on me.

[Sanctuary]

If there's anything common-factor about my experiences, it's that I'm one of the many, many common victims of common bitches-- who are very, very common in our best of all worlds.

Dude, you are such a mysogynist.

I find it impossible to believe that you're completely devoid of flaws/wrongdoing and that all the blame should be placed on the women you dated. At the very least, your exceptionally poor judgement in choosing which girls to date got you what you deserved. I mean if the girls you dated were all serial cheaters, then I'd think you'd learn to recognize them and stay away and go for the better girls.

[vashti]

Whoa, way too much psycho-babble on this thread!

[Graham Berkeley]

I've created a monster... Good for me