Do nice guys finish last?

[fullorange]

I'm not a women, but sounds like Boring vs Interesting. 'Nice Guy' gets thrown around a lot and so does 'Jerk', but do you know what that really means?

'Nice Guy' - Worships the ground a female walks on, puts them on a pedestal and pretty much is there at a woman's call. You're being "nice" the way grandma taught you to woo a girl (but that only works in Asian cultures like Japan where this is the norm and expected). Imagine for a second if you were being treated this way. Kind of gets annoying doesn't it to have 6 texts a day, someone always agree with you and always checking to make sure you are ok or happy with a decision rather than just making one and leading them along etc etc. Clingy to your presence and always paying for everything... Almost seems like the person is trying to buy you out with other things because just their company alone isn't enough to solidify the relationship. Every guy starts this way, and every man learns it's not the way to do it. Put a little back bone in you and stand up for yourself, and learn that it's ok to say "No, I'm busy". The nice guy generally finishes last because he does all the things every guy always does and doesn't entertain women for very long before they move on.

Nice Guys think they are being gracious and giving a woman what they want. What they actually do is make women incredibly uncomfortable by paying for expensive dinners that make them say "oh god another one of these guys, he wants to get me in bed and now I have some kind of obligation because he's buying me all these things - how do I get out of this". It's a weird symptom of societies twist on relationships.

'Jerk' - A jerk is not yet a man, but not a nice guy. Generally a Jerk has all the qualities that appeal to women without any of the characteristics that would otherwise make them a man. They haven't yet figured out that they can treat their lady like a lady that feels loved and appreciated while also still maintaining his ability to do all the things that make him a man and thus got the woman's interest in the first place. The Jerk his own hobbies, his own friends, and he'd rather spend time with them than the girl. He doesn't worship a woman but puts her on generally lower ground instead, which is worse imo. It's like the reverse of the nice guy where the girl is always seeking the approval of the man rather than the Nice guy that's trying to get approval of the girl. These are the ones that break hearts horribly and do all sorts of heinous things that the 'Nice guy' would "never do to a girl ever".

'Man' - Confident and comfortable in his own skin. Does what he wants most of the time because that's how he is, and invites a women into his world, rather than scrounging to get in theirs. Doesn't sweat the little things, moves slowly and has a "leader of the pack" type of mentality. He's busy, important - or at least conveys that he is - and occupied most of the time with things that are important to him outside of the relationship. He takes women along for the ride without seeking their approval, but treats a women with respect and love. He makes his woman feel special, but never clamors after them like a nice guy does typically - which makes that feeling of the girl being special to him all the more rewarding and exciting. It's a mix of the Jerk and the Nice guy that has matured, and I reckon every women is looking for, but never really finds. They do exist though, try and be one it will help.

Hope that helps a little

That was perfect.

[lahnnabell]

I feel as though I've dated a mix of man-jerks. Haha. They start out confident, and they bring a lot to the table, talking about their hobbies, what their goals are, etc. Then as we get serious things stay at an even keel. We're sexually compatible, we've met each other's families. Then comes comfort stage. This is where the insecurities and the issues come out. The guy suddenly gets so comfortable that he feels he can just let loose all of his issues, then scape goat me into believing that they're because of me.

I've been blindsided like this twice so far. I am now with a man who has his own issues, but in no way uses me to explain them away. He supports me and is loving and attentive. He has hobbies that I am not required to be a part of (in fact he insists I never see him at the batting cages as he needs to retain an aura of manliness) and makes sure that I know how important Sox games are to him.

I've been with a nice guy before, and man, it was boring. At first it was sweet because he was so affectionate, and giving. Then it just became taxing. He took me out all the time, and I met his family, but we never did anything exciting. I ended up leaving him for a more manly though slightly jerky guy (with whom I ran away to Europe)

[qwertz]

nice guys dont finish last with me.

[TheWizard]

like every generality there are exceptions to the rule

[NeoSeminole]

qwerty123 says:

"nice guys dont finish last with me."

and we're suppose to believe you? Of course you won't openly admit jerks finish first with you. lol

[nicholarse]

What if the guy is really nice to everyone; does this make him more or less attrative?

[Only-virgins]

I'm not a women, but sounds like Boring vs Interesting. 'Nice Guy' gets thrown around a lot and so does 'Jerk', but do you know what that really means?

'Nice Guy' - Worships the ground a female walks on, puts them on a pedestal and pretty much is there at a woman's call. You're being "nice" the way grandma taught you to woo a girl (but that only works in Asian cultures like Japan where this is the norm and expected). Imagine for a second if you were being treated this way. Kind of gets annoying doesn't it to have 6 texts a day, someone always agree with you and always checking to make sure you are ok or happy with a decision rather than just making one and leading them along etc etc. Clingy to your presence and always paying for everything... Almost seems like the person is trying to buy you out with other things because just their company alone isn't enough to solidify the relationship. Every guy starts this way, and every man learns it's not the way to do it. Put a little back bone in you and stand up for yourself, and learn that it's ok to say "No, I'm busy". The nice guy generally finishes last because he does all the things every guy always does and doesn't entertain women for very long before they move on.

Nice Guys think they are being gracious and giving a woman what they want. What they actually do is make women incredibly uncomfortable by paying for expensive dinners that make them say "oh god another one of these guys, he wants to get me in bed and now I have some kind of obligation because he's buying me all these things - how do I get out of this". It's a weird symptom of societies twist on relationships.

'Jerk' - A jerk is not yet a man, but not a nice guy. Generally a Jerk has all the qualities that appeal to women without any of the characteristics that would otherwise make them a man. They haven't yet figured out that they can treat their lady like a lady that feels loved and appreciated while also still maintaining his ability to do all the things that make him a man and thus got the woman's interest in the first place. The Jerk his own hobbies, his own friends, and he'd rather spend time with them than the girl. He doesn't worship a woman but puts her on generally lower ground instead, which is worse imo. It's like the reverse of the nice guy where the girl is always seeking the approval of the man rather than the Nice guy that's trying to get approval of the girl. These are the ones that break hearts horribly and do all sorts of heinous things that the 'Nice guy' would "never do to a girl ever".

'Man' - Confident and comfortable in his own skin. Does what he wants most of the time because that's how he is, and invites a women into his world, rather than scrounging to get in theirs. Doesn't sweat the little things, moves slowly and has a "leader of the pack" type of mentality. He's busy, important - or at least conveys that he is - and occupied most of the time with things that are important to him outside of the relationship. He takes women along for the ride without seeking their approval, but treats a women with respect and love. He makes his woman feel special, but never clamors after them like a nice guy does typically - which makes that feeling of the girl being special to him all the more rewarding and exciting. It's a mix of the Jerk and the Nice guy that has matured, and I reckon every women is looking for, but never really finds. They do exist though, try and be one it will help.

Hope that helps a little

Actually things aren't just this white or black. Just because someone is a nice guy doesn't mean that he is a push over.

[lahnnabell]

No, but "nice guy" has the connotation of "push over" nowadays. We usually only use the term "nice guy" when describing a sweet guy that lacks backbone. It sucks that it's there is a negative association with the phrase.

[Only-virgins]

No, but "nice guy" has the connotation of "push over" nowadays. We usually only use the term "nice guy" when describing a sweet guy that lacks backbone. It sucks that it's there is a negative association with the phrase.

Well the logic here fails. Many women meet a nice guy and think he has no back bone? what test do you girls perform to be able to tell?

[lahnnabell]

Constantly asking if she's okay. Asking if she's mad about something. Not able to make decisions. I've been with guys that just couldn't seem to decide on times, places, whatever. This made the task of going out with them less desirable. These are the guys that women will be ambivalent towards. "I like him. He's nice and all, but I dunno... Something is missing."

Biologically, women are on the hunt for a man that has the ability to protect, and be assertive when the situation calls for it. Yes, you are right. The logic sucks. Logically, if women want a nice guy, they will put up with whatever that entails, instead of dating a jerk. But just much as guys like winning when chasing a girl, women love having their egos stroked by being actively pursued. I find, more often than not, that "nice guys" will pursue, but in a slow, shy manner. What this fails to do is intrigue her enough to pursue the guy.

What women typically find is that jerks are assertive men, and we like that. Many women make the immature mistake of choosing this kind of man and letting him walk all over her. (Not all assertive men are jerks, I know). The "nice guys" tend to pull the "I dunno, what do you wanna do?" (at least in my experience) and that's very annoying after a while.

This is not to say there aren't exceptions.

[lahnnabell]

And really, we don't "perform tests". The nice guy will give us all the evidence we need. All the asking and constant concern can become overkill really quickly, and though he means well, his lady will start viewing his care and concern as insecurity and lack of confidence. Just like men have a multitude of things they might not want to talk about, women can be the same. Respect the woman. If she says she's okay, then leave it.

An assertive man's resolve won't collapse, and he won't act as though it's the end of the world if the something doesn't go well the first time around. Confidence comes from within. Immature women will choose jerks who can feign confidence. Mature women who know what they want can decipher the BS really quickly.

[Wiredbomb0]

Kudos to TheWizard, he pretty much hit the nail on the head

Times are changing, and so the nice guy comes last, while the jerk appears to be in the lead but will eventually crash and burn. If you get somewhere in the middle of that; nice and polite, and show that you have your own life, then girls will see you as confident and strong (doesn't have to be physically) and that will go along way for you

[Only-virgins]

Constantly asking if she's okay. Asking if she's mad about something. Not able to make decisions. I've been with guys that just couldn't seem to decide on times, places, whatever. This made the task of going out with them less desirable. These are the guys that women will be ambivalent towards. "I like him. He's nice and all, but I dunno... Something is missing."

Biologically, women are on the hunt for a man that has the ability to protect, and be assertive when the situation calls for it. Yes, you are right. The logic sucks. Logically, if women want a nice guy, they will put up with whatever that entails, instead of dating a jerk. But just much as guys like winning when chasing a girl, women love having their egos stroked by being actively pursued. I find, more often than not, that "nice guys" will pursue, but in a slow, shy manner. What this fails to do is intrigue her enough to pursue the guy.

What women typically find is that jerks are assertive men, and we like that. Many women make the immature mistake of choosing this kind of man and letting him walk all over her. (Not all assertive men are jerks, I know). The "nice guys" tend to pull the "I dunno, what do you wanna do?" (at least in my experience) and that's very annoying after a while.

This is not to say there aren't exceptions.

Yea, cool. I don't dis-agree with most of anything you said. However what I meant was that for example women often confuse and mix and match many personality qualities they favor. I am always sincere and kind to all those who return this behavior to me and because of this I am called a nice guy sometimes. That annoys me though because that in this culture is now considered a bad trait to have towards women. I however have my own mind, feel confident, and really won't let anyone walk all over me. I will defend my self. There is a difference I guess. I think the younger women really don't know exactly what they want. I will pick the places to go all the time if she doesn't want to use even 1% of her brain for that. That shit seems so trivial to me that I can't believe that in some cases it is such a big deal and can alter the decision who to date for women. That is where the logic is missing in my opinion.

[kuaisudi]

I feel a bit relationship with you, hope you can handle it

[aj007]

Yea, cool. I don't dis-agree with most of anything you said. However what I meant was that for example women often confuse and mix and match many personality qualities they favor. I am always sincere and kind to all those who return this behavior to me and because of this I am called a nice guy sometimes. That annoys me though because that in this culture is now considered a bad trait to have towards women. I however have my own mind, feel confident, and really won't let anyone walk all over me. I will defend my self. There is a difference I guess. I think the younger women really don't know exactly what they want. I will pick the places to go all the time if she doesn't want to use even 1% of her brain for that. That shit seems so trivial to me that I can't believe that in some cases it is such a big deal and can alter the decision who to date for women. That is where the logic is missing in my opinion.

you hit it right on...I am a nice person i believe in treating people the way i want to be treated. in regards in picking places to go...i feel exactly the samw way. if that is going to make you break up with someone but that same woman will stay with a man that mentally and physically abuses her, than the logic is all out the window