My love life, drugs & an escort agency (Its not what you think!) Part 2

[nebulachich]

"I can’t believe after all my moaning to Ashley I’ve actually turned into him & now I’m the cold uncaring one. And I’ve had an insight into why Ashley was like that with me… he didn’t really love me. I know this because I don’t love Toby. I love all the things he is, kind, loving, caring, sensitive etc and I should love him. But I just can’t. I cant find love inside me anymore. How have I gone from a girl who loved being in love to this cold person who is too worried about death creeping up on her & taking her life away to waste any time falling in love".

"Toby says to me all the things I used to say to Ashley. I never want sex, I’m not loving, I don’t care about him".

Sounds to me like a case of hardened-heartitis to me. BEEN THERE!!! You get burned and consciously or not you want to burn someone else. My sister calls it the BIG SHIT SWITCH. Your problem is your self esteem is very bruised right now.. that's why you joined the escort service. It's a way (so you think) of trying to rebuild your self esteem as well as making $.

"It’s definitely not because I’m scared of getting hurt, that never scares me". Well.. that I DEF disagree with that. It doesn't scare you right now bcuz you know you're not about to open your heart to anyone or picking anyone who could hurt you. I don't think you love Toby either.. he's just safe. Do yourself a favor and don't lead him on. Be honest with him that your selfesteem is suffering and you don't want to reel him into your destructive pattern. Maybe he can be a supportive friend.

Honesty is key!

[BillyGalbreath]

Yes the cultures in the US & here are very different with regards to attitudes towards drugs & sex...

No there isn't. If you go to a club over there it is filled with drugs. People all around are doing ecstasy, coke, meth, and God knows what else. People have sex in restrooms in clubs, they have sex in the back of strip clubs, etc etc.

Sex is bought and drugs rein.

The exact same thing happens here - it happens just as much, if not more, than it happens over there. People here just turn their heads the other way hoping it will go away. Thats how america works. Thats why its not heard of as much. But **** ! I lived that life for 2 ****ing years. I almost married it ffs ! I was in it way over my head and it nearly killed me. i KNOW what goes on over here - so dont tell me that our cultures are so different and that we dont have the sex and drugs like you people do. Thats a load of BS, and you know it.

How come you write all that out and ask people for advice, and then when it is given to you, you freak out and have to shove us all away. You use the excuse that we are over seas from you... Well guess what. Yeah, I'm over seas. Yeah what I, and others, said is harsh to hear. But you ASKED for it.

We are not making this shit up just to take up 5 minutes of our day for the hell of it. I am writing this because for God only knows why, I feel that I can somehow help you see the truth. Maybe then I can save at least one lost soul before the day ends. But **** ! You hear everything we all here say, you just dont listen. You hear everything you want to hear and shove to the side, or "over seas", what you dont.

Wake the **** up and look at what you are doing to yourself, your b/f, and especially your kid(s) ! You're not treating no one right. Not even yourself.

WAKE UP !

[blue]

syou think that the kids dont notic enaything but they sense things you think that money is going to cover that up. ummm hello we have escotrs here to i just hope and pray that some crazy asshole dosent harm your kid or you... ignorance is bliss i guess but not for me i have been there i lived it and i dont want it for me or my son but hey listen think what you want live how you want, one day the kids willgrow and the scars will be there or even worse they may fall in your own footsteps. well take.

[blue]

i mean take care

[buzwiz]

Personally i think that you want to love this guy but dont and their isnt any point chasing feelings which you dont have. I think you need to spend some time alone and sort yourself out mentally and emotionally before you can think about having a relastionship that is going to work.

Hows your relationship with your son now? Mabey you should concentrate on repairing your relationship with your son before you start looking for love...