My 'boyfriend' wants to be friends before lovers??!! It's driving me crazy!!!

[tropigal82]

Thanks Shheadz.... that makes sense and actually that is what I think he is doing - trying to protect me from 'his demons' because I know he would never intentionally hurt me. Even though, the fact that he keeps me at arms length infact does not protect me, it does infact hurt me, unintentionally.

As I said above, I love him and would be happy to hold his hand as he goes through this, and accept that he needs to deal with his problems, but only if he can be honest with me. If that makes sense!!!

I am hoping to see him sometime this week and I will gently try to talk to him about this, I want to be honest with him and tell him how important honesty is to me. I also want to tell him that if he is worried about hurting me, then he needs to know that the only way he would really hurt me is through dishonesty. If we can establish that we both feel confortable being totally honest with each other then we can build trust and therefore a better friendship and eventually relationship.

If he feels like he can't be totally honest with me, then I will have to re-think any possibility of relationship!!!

Thanks for all your comments so far, I will update any developments!!! :-)

>Qwerty123< I HOPE NOT!!! Although he did make me sit through 'The Wedding Singer', 'Juno', and 'Lost in Translation' LOL

[shheadz]

>Qwerty123< I HOPE NOT!!! Although he did make me sit through 'The Wedding Singer', 'Juno', and 'Lost in Translation' LOL

Crap! I love those movies. Dammit.. I knew all along I was gay.

[shheadz]

I am hoping to see him sometime this week and I will gently try to talk to him about this, I want to be honest with him and tell him how important honesty is to me.

You need to take things very slowly. He may not have words yet for the way he's feeling. He may also have trust issues, which makes it impossible for him to tell you his most personal secrets.

[Gigabitch]

It occurs to me that it might be as simple as he is waiting long enough to get an AIDS test. With his relationship history, he might have some serious cooties. Maybe he wants to make sure he doesn't pass them along.

[tropigal82]

Gigabitch.... thats an interesting possibility. I hadn't thought of that! Gee whizz I hope that it's not the case! Gosh I don't know whether to bring up that issue without him feeling embaressed... or whether to wait and see... I don't know.

[qwertz]

if i was you id hope giga was right(and it comes back negative of course) cause thats problem solved when he gets results....but i doubt its something like that.

[lhn]

Damn this situation sucks. I think the problem is there are a million different things that could be the cause. Perhaps he is telling the truth. Perhaps he has a STD. One thing is for sure, its not normal after 5 months to be sleeping in the bed with no nooky.

Just how physical have you gotten before?... only reason I ask is did you see his penis? Was there any sign of anything untoward.

On the other hand, when you do have sex, You'll blow up all over the bed more than he will

[qwertz]

Damn this situation sucks. I think the problem is there are a million different things that could be the cause. Perhaps he is telling the truth. Perhaps he has a STD. One thing is for sure, its not normal after 5 months to be sleeping in the bed with no nooky.

Just how physical have you gotten before?... only reason I ask is did you see his penis? Was there any sign of anything untoward.

On the other hand, when you do have sex, You'll blow up all over the bed more than he will

Sorry but this made me laugh so hard!!

[tropigal82]

LMAO - Crikey you are right, when (or if) we finally do get jiggy I'm gonna I think I will just EXPLODE ;-) Even just thinking about him inside me gets me pre-orgasmic, which is not good cos I am sitting at my desk at work right now!!!

We have gotten a little physical, kissing, groping, etc.... but he always seems to keep his undies on which I thought was strange. So one time I decided to sneak a peak (and a hand) and I started touching him down there (just to check there is SOMETHING there LOL) he got a hard on, infact very hard on, (thats a good sign at least!) and his love-sabre aka weapon of mass distraction looked and felt normal, a good size (oh how I want it inside of me!!! Goddamn!!!) and I think he was considering sex (because he had packed condoms in his overnight bag) but just as we were about to put a condom on he said,

"wait, let's not rush into this.... let's not have sex yet... I don't want to spoil things...it's just... I know me, I've never wanted to commit to someone before, whenever I've dated a girl and got to the point of having sex, I just seem to lose interest....and something feels different about this, about being with you, and I dont want to spoil it. Lets take it slow. Let's get to know each other as friends before anything becomes sexual."

OK so now you can see.... in someways I am flattered that he doesn't want me for the 'wham bam thankyou ma'am' but hell, it just seems so strange for a guy to behave like this... especially as we've been dating for 5 months now. And since that happened (above) he's put this wall up and seems less affectionate now which kinda hurts me. Except he still makes contact with me everyday, he used to end his SMS messages with lots of xxxxxx at the end, now there's none of that, or only one time (but it was just a solitary X). Maybe he's trying to emotionally distance himself from me because he's frightened about how intense things had gotten between us... I don't know.

He emailed me today asking if I want to hang out on Friday so I am looking forward to that, at least. Maybe when I see him I should act a bit aloof and distant.... does reverse pychology work??? LOL But seriously. I wish I knew what was going on in that head of his!

[qwertz]

every post you write gets worse!!!!

I really dont know what else to say..only..handcuffs and viagra might do the trick.

[tropigal82]

>lhn< actually there is one thing I should mention.... I don't know if this is a STD, but I saw in his toiletries bag he had some topical creams for skin conditions, and one of them was for candida, which is a yeast infection. Now, I didn't know that males get this infection, although I know its quite common for women to get it through PH imbalance or too much yeast in the diet etc. I have had it a couple of times but it only ever lasted a week or two max. So I don't know if its different for guys? And whether they can catch it or spread it through sex? I don't know what the other creams were for. If this was the case then maybe he is embarressed, it might be embaressing for a guy to talk about this?

I want him to know that I am understanding if this was the case, I don't think he should be embaressed.

[shheadz]

"wait, let's not rush into this.... let's not have sex yet... I don't want to spoil things...it's just... I know me, I've never wanted to commit to someone before, whenever I've dated a girl and got to the point of having sex, I just seem to lose interest....and something feels different about this, about being with you, and I dont want to spoil it. Lets take it slow. Let's get to know each other as friends before anything becomes sexual."

That's all well and good, but what is he thinking? That he can keep the relationship going if you two never have sex? That doesn't even make sense. At some point you two need to have sex, and then what? He feels he's conquered you, and moves on? Better to do that now than have you waste another 5 months.

[qwertz]

yeh that will be pretty shit if you do have sex and then he dumps you!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry!)

[lhn]

I'm gunna do some reading and see if I can find some results for male yeast infections... Never ever heard it be applicable for males but I'm no doctor! Thought it was an internal female problem. Perhaps that type of cream can be used to treat male STD's too?
Either way, the guy is crazy carrying it round to his girlfriends if he isn't actively using it.

Erm, if he does have a STD then he will never EVER admit it to you before he has ever had sex with you. Do you really think he would want his 'first time' with you to be marred by the fact he has something sexually wrong.

PS. Glad I amused you Qwert :p

[tropigal82]

Maybe I should just say "ok, maybe you can dump me now, lets just have sex and get it over with LOL." or "Either I dump you cos you won't have sex, or you dump me cos we will have sex... or what if we have half-sex and neither of us climaxes, will you still dump me? Or maybe I should get you to the point of no return, and then dump you, just before you climax, or maybe just tantric sex, does that count as a shag even if we are just doing a cosmic meditation whilst naked and horny"

.... WHY SO GODDAMN COMPLICATED!!!! :o(