Double standards

[sehvral]

I remember my stepdad being violent growing up. My mom had black eyes on more than one occasion. So I have always had a real hatred for violence. That being said, I did find myself in a situation where I had to go against my instincts.

I was dating a girl and after 6 weeks or so began to notice how, well, unstable she was. I was over at her place and decided to end things with her. She flew into a rage, screaming, yelling, etc. When she stormed off into the kitchen, I figured it was a good time to leave. As I walk past the kitchen towards the door, she comes out with a knife in her hand and slashes at me. In the couple seconds that followed, I got cut a few times (6 years later, I've still got scars on my hands and chest) before I managed to get control of the situation. It ended when I was able to grab her wrist and shove her backwards, causing her to lose her footing and fall to the floor. At that point I got the hell outta Dodge.

I called up a good friend of mine that night because I was feeling bad about pushing the psycho. She told me "You should never strike a lady, but a woman who attacks you is no lady." That's my principle to this day. I won't throw the first punch, but if you hit me all bets are off. I will do whatever I believe is necessary to protect myself, gender be damned.

[lahnnabell]

That sucks... your dad sounds like a douche. I don't think I ever would have put up with that. My dad never got angry like that, but when drunk we would play fight a lot. Sometimes, when I was younger, he would keep holding me down after I gave up, just to tease me. Once or twice, I couldn't breathe, and I really DID need him to get off, but he was "not falling for it." And so, I punched him full force in the nads. Father learned.

My dad is a sick person. And I mean that in the literal sense. He's not mentally well and that was further proven by his decision to endanger our family financially. In the face of extreme financial hardship, my father blew family money on internet scams, sexual gratification, and racked up credit card debt. I am only beginning to make peace with my father's situation. He tells me that he cares for me and loves me, but I have not seen any motivation on his part to better his life again. Well, he's slowly making changes. It took him hitting rock bottom to realize that he needed to make those changes though. He tells me that he wants me in his life, and I told him that he needs to care for my little brother first. My brother is the one who suffered the most when my parents split, and my father neglected him for years. My brother is now in the care of my father and so far they are working on their relationship. I'm skeptical of how long it will last as my dad has bailed on him before. I'm hoping he'll keep at it this time around. In turn I have given him a little bit of myself to show him that I meant what I said. So far so good it seems

[Junket]

i call bullshit on most people who said that they never hit another human being. i know i have. so what? they deserved it.

Indig, I would hit you all night long.

[doppelgaenger]

Why? Because women are 'weak' and it's not supposed to hurt us if they hit us unless we're pussies.
And women are 'fragile' beings.

I know, it's bullshit. A long time ago, when I was 11 years old, a girl punched me in the face and gave me a black eye.
In general, men are stronger than women, but so what? That doesn't give them a right to resort to physical violence.

[Incognito]

i guess nowadays we are all superwomen. that kinda explains why your wife despises you. i know i would. any guy who would ever say something like that is a pussy in MY eyes.

I think a pussy would be a guy who'd simply allow someone to harm him physically and not do anything about it. I will respect that you have an opinion but the comment about "that explaining why my wife despises me" goes too far. I suppose you'd think it was alright that SHE said that if she ever found out that I cheated that she'd shoot me dead? I'm almost certain you would think it was alright, but that's exactly the type of double standard I'm talking about. If a man took this stance he'd be booed and ridculed by you for "not being a man" about it. You yourself said that you slapped a man in the face for cheating......while I absolutely DON'T condone cheating he didn't strike you, so YOU took the situation to another level by striking first. Hurt emotions are one thing, but physically hurting someone is quite another. Tit for tat. Depending on how hard you hit me I'd have broken your face. Then again I don't think we'd have been together in the first place because I'm almost positive that we wouldn't be compatible whatsoever given your moodiness and sometimes over the top attitude.

[Incognito]

I would never marry anyone I suspected would resort to violence as a means to resolve an issue. Hopefully one would discover such tendencies in their partner BEFORE they get married.

I'm not sure if this was directed at me perse, but I'm assuming that it was after sonrisa's comment. Anyway, once any situation is taken to a physical level the person who took it there can't expect the situation not to end physically, regardless of gender. That's all I'm saying. Any woman could curse me, and do whatever else....even cheat, and I won't lay a hand on her. If she puts her hands on me in a way that will hurt me like pushing me down some stairs, or punching me well.....you get what you give.

[Charlie Boy II]

I wouldn't hit a woman, unless maybe she had a knife or something. It's just not appropriate - the difference in strength is too great, you could f-cking kill them. I'd just restrain them,

[Incognito]

I can respect that stance to a certain degree, but I think it serves to encourage a woman to hit you (especially if she is aware of that you in particular feel that way). That's exactly why people **** with the guards a Buckingham Palace, because the guards are expected to have an unwavering sense of duty that doesn't permit them to leave their post and react to someone's dumbassery.

[Incognito]

To all the women who agree with this double standard I still haven't heard why exactly that is.

[lahnnabell]

I simply don't think hitting is acceptable AT ALL. Children should be taught that hitting is inappropriate in ever way. Parents should not hit their children as a means to discipline them as it only reinforces that hitting is okay. Some parents say, "Well, she deserved it for what she did." Kids don't know how to differentiate between situations. All they understand is that they did something bad, and being bad gets you hit. Don't wanna get hit? Don't do bad things. No one deserves to be physically abused.

[Gigabitch]

To all the women who agree with this double standard I still haven't heard why exactly that is.

Maybe she was raised by a bad mother who taught her to act like this.

[Incognito]

That's a seperate issue altogether that could be its own thread. I'm talking about self defense, and why some women think it is ok to hit a man, but not ok for the man to defend himself.

[Gigabitch]

Well, I like Charlie Boy's approach. You don't have to hit her to restrain her.

[lahnnabell]

I think some women feel emotionally and mentally powerless against a man. How many times have we women been in an argument with a guy who just refuses to get it? You get responses like, "I dunno" or "Whatever". Instead of trying to meet us half way we're left to chase you to the ends of the Earth just to get a straight answer. I think some women feel that the only way to get their message across is by resorting to physical violence. I think this stems from a poor upbringing (by either mommy or daddy) and a lack of proper social skills.

I read a really great book called Crucial Conversations. It explains in very awesome detail about how our bodies respond to stress and how we can learn to combat that by practicing effective conversation techniques. Really cool book.

[Incognito]

Well, I like Charlie Boy's approach. You don't have to hit her to restrain her.

Of course most women like that approach because it means that there isn't an equal consequence for what THEY did. The flip side of that coin is me saying that I'd like to break a woman's nose and that she should simply restrain me. It doesn't make sense. Further I STILL haven't heard any woman explain why they uphold this lopsided stance and explain how it makes sense in their mind.