So my fiance's on probation ...

[Mish]

Am I wrong for asking this of him? Am I the one to blame?

Yes you are and I'll tell you why

He's on probation for assult on me almsot 2 years ago. I left and came back on the promise that he was going to seek counselling for himself and attend Anger Management.

Since this has all come to be, I have asked him many times to leave( always due to arguements), usually becuase I feel threatened or scared or just plain and simple he wont leave me alone

When he walked up to me I said "Give me my damn keys" ... I didn't scream or yell I just plainly in my normal tone said it. When he held them out and I went to grab them and he pulled them away and started walking away calling me a bitch and said HE WAS going to call the cops on me. I turned around and walked into the house, as I was walking into the house I realized he was following me, I told him to leave before the situation gets worse I went to close the door and he was trying to push his way in, he eventually pushed hard enough that he got in. Soon as he came in he looked as though he wanted to throttle me and he scared the shit outta me. His face was red and I could see the veins in his neck, his teeth were clenched, his fists were clenched and he was really loud.

and I heard him say something " ..... Run you over" Thats all I hear to his sentence and for me it was enough. I grabed my stuff from the trunk, opened the backdoor up and told our daughter to unbuckle herself and to come in the house with me and told him to go for a drive and cool off.

In summary, you are with a dangerous psychopath who has in the past assaulted you and is now on probation. He continues to intimidate you by stalking you and breaking and entering when you try to escape from him. He continues to threaten you and you are to blame for not taking action to seperate yourself from him, therefore endangering not only yourself, but also your daughter to a violent and unstable psycho. Whatever happens to you or your daughter as a result of this is now your sole responsibility and ny blame for any future intimidation or violence will seat squarely on your shoulders.

[IndiReloaded]

You haven't left yet b/c you are afraid. But you should be MORE afraid of what he will do to you and your daughter eventually.

Abusive guys like this (and this is what he is) don't change, they only get worse. You can't fix him. Just move on from him.

Good luck. Please find the strength for your daughter if not yourself.

[SweetGurl21]

He had his appointment with his PO on friday the 25th. His PO called me, before he even talked to Kevin. He wanted to know from me, hwo things were going, so I told him. He was dumbfounded at what to do because Kevin DID breach his probation. If he does it again, I'm to call and have him actually arrested. I wasn't aware that Kevin had papers he's supposed to show cops if he has any contact with them wether its a speeding ticket or an assult he HAS to show them these papers. I'm giving him until August 13th to seek out the help he needs, if there's no proof of him doing this I'm out. I'm going to talk to a couple friends and family members my plan on this and going to tell them that if things havent changed, to just remind me of this and everything he's done. Kinda confusing to explain.

Our counsellor on Monday has basically said she cannot help us anymore, not as a couple, and not him alone, she feels that he has some severe angst against women for whatever reason and seems to have a hard time listening to me or her. We've been seeing her for um a year now, and she said she doesn't see any change in him and just see's the sameting over, him blaming me, or his parents for his actions etc. Saying it's my fault for things being the way they are.

[Mish]

I think you should get out NOW while you still can. Before he beats you into a coma.

[qwertz]

Women like you make me so mad. Why is it so hard to put your child first?!!! You obviously will not leave for yourself so do it for her instead.

[VincenzoG91]

In 75% of all homicides, the victim knew the killer well. Detectives usually consider the spouse or significant other or ex to be a potential suspect.

[IndiReloaded]

Did you read about this guy? Please don't let this happen to you. IMO, the mother is just as responsible for this poor little girl as the father. At least he has mental insanity as an excuse. She has only her fear to blame and will have to live with the decision of her inaction for the rest of her life:

[url=http://www.canada.com/news/Death+good+accused+killing+girl+Father/3221175/story.html]Death 'too good' for man accused of killing B.C. girl: Father[/url]

[SweetGurl21]

I never read or even heard about the news link you posted.

I'm confused still. Like some days he seems fine and we can talk about stuff without fighting, other days it seems like he'll snap at the tiniest little/stupid things. I'm starting to wonder if he may be bipolar or if it is just simple anger problems ... or both even.

[VincenzoG91]

He's not going to kill you when he's in a good mood. Picture him just as angry as the worst that you've seen from him so far, then picture him getting even angrier than that. What might he do? You know him better than any of us.

[IndiReloaded]

I never read or even heard about the news link you posted.

I'm confused still. Like some days he seems fine and we can talk about stuff without fighting, other days it seems like he'll snap at the tiniest little/stupid things. I'm starting to wonder if he may be bipolar or if it is just simple anger problems ... or both even.

Why are you so focussed on him? Who cares about his issues, what matters is how they are affecting your family.

You are one of these spineless women who will focus on a guy's issues so you don't have to face your own. Enabler. Eww, great role model for your child.

[SweetGurl21]

I don't know why I'm so focussed on him and his issues.

He's the only person I've had sex with, and he's the only serious relationship I've been in. I mean I've had other bf's but never worked out because we realized we were better friends then anything else. Maybe I feel like since thus far he's been my "one and only" that it should stay that way .. that no other guy will want me( even yrs down the road) yet, if I leave him ... I know he'll be in another relationship within a couple months, or at the very least sleeping with random women within a week. I don't know why I let this get in the way of me leaving him ... the idea of him being with someone else gets to me.

Around our daughter he seems fine but the second she's in bed that's when most of the fighting starts. We try hard not to fight around her, and it works most of the time.

[Gigabitch]

She's going to be old enough to figure things out pretty soon, and from personal experience I can assure you that by the time she's a teenager, she will despise you.

[SweetGurl21]

She just turned 4 yrs in May ... she's very smart. I can see that she's already picking up on whats going on. She's already acting out in certain ways.

Is there anyway to save the relationship ... any way at all?
or is it really a lost cause now and beyond repair?

[girl68]

It was a lost cause many years ago. The thing you fail to see is YOU (only you) want it to work- he can't give more than a rats ass. It takes TWO.

[Mish]

Is there anyway to save the relationship ... any way at all?
or is it really a lost cause now and beyond repair?

If you were in a healthy relationship with a healthy, rational person possibly there might have been a way to reconcile.

But you are forgetting that you are with a dangerous psycho who can snap and go postal at any moment. I'll be honest with you, reading some of the things you posted I had to gasp for breath. When he stalked you, said he will run you over or broke into the room where you were hiding from him I thought that he was going to beat you into a puddle. I think it's a miracle you've made it this far without any physcial damage. But I don't know how lucky you will be in the future.