guy's could you possibly explain this guy's behavior?

[ailvasharpova]

Sooooo, you were too scared to have a relationship @ the time, yet you still had other boyfriends AFTER him?

Why not just cut yourself off from the WORLD if guys scared you?

Sounds to me like you got what you deserved.

You dump him, break his heart, and move on, yet now you want him BACK?

I'd say "screw you" if I were him. You blew it.

However, since I'm NOT him, I still think there's a chance you two can get back together.

Just don't be surprised if it's YOU that gets hurt THIS time.

I'll say that again:

Don't be surprised if it's YOU that gets hurt this time....

i'm not angry with you for trying to degrade me like this as frankly your attempt failed and i also pitty you as something or someone has lead you to those kinds of outbursts so... i'll leave the "screw you" and "you got what you deserved" go...

i did NOT have any serious relationships only mildly serious ones and that was from the age of 15 and a half. the longest relationship was 3 months and i knew going into them that it would never ever be serious, i suppose you could call them flings. i was trying to move on i'll have you know. my ex/childhood sweetheart was cutting me out of his life and i felt that i would never have a chance. was i supposed to give up on love and opt out of dating and finding my feet????? i tried to talk to him lots over the past few years and would have taken him over any of my previous bfs in a heartbeat. it's got to the point that i'm not interested in ANY guys at all as i know now that i simply cannot get over him and silly short and non serious relationships have lost their zing and they get dangerous if one person becomes attached.

that being said i know that even though i had a right to want to step back and slow things down and let us be friends for a while i should have explained it to him properly. i was too young and foolish to know how to do this but i know that i hurt him loads and i am so sorry. i have been for years. i also know that if we do get back together he may well distrust me and end up hurting me.

we don't have to get back together either, just get back into each others lives and then.... you never know!

i know i am not a bad person, i have made mistakes and i'm not perfect but i do not need to even entertain your abuse for one second. do it again and i will report you.

thanks amoamo and everyone else for your advice and encouragement. i promise i will contact him as soon as he gets back from his holidays. when he does, i'll probably be freaking out about what to say and what he says back.... fun times ahead. ha ha.

eitherway, the most important outcome for me will be closure to the saga, maybe a friend and maybe more....

love hurts, especially when you don't know what to do with it!!!

[ailvasharpova]

LOL. Thank you. Thank you.

Look...

Who's to say she won't get scared again the NEXT time she starts to get close?

At 17, you really aren't that much more mature emotionally than you are at 13.

So what makes 17 so different?

Besides, as I said, if relationships SCARED her at 13, she wouldn't have still dated OTHER people at 13 AFTER that.

The fact is, she's acting on feelings and emotions right now. NOT LOGIC.

And until she's MATURE enough to LOGICALLY ask herself (and ANSWER) what will happen if she gets too close THIS time, she shouldn't be in a serious relationship. Period.

oh and 13 and 17 are VERY different. for starts my father would have killed me if he knew i had a boyfriend at 13. i mean grounded me for a year and screamed at me for being so silly. that's the way he is, furthermore i had just about hit puberty, i was going through a growing up process, i didn't want the responsibility of being a girlfriend to a guy who was always going to be perfect and tell me he loved me. i'm sure there are some 13 year olds or 14/15....etc year olds who had a certain childhood, family, siblings and life experiences that lead them to accept love and give freely to committed relationships but i am one of those people who has to work on themselves and their outlook in order to not run for the hills when they get close to people. furthermore, i have studied some psychology and i could write you an essay about how different a 13 year old is from a 17 year old. in fact i've yet to grow and learn and change my perspective lots more over the coming years. it's a physical, psychosocial and moral development process that can't be rushed. some people however can fail to progress properly through the stages and they might be the sorts to become maladaptive and dole out abuse to people.... cough cough.

i am at an age where i'm not scared of too much physical contact, i know who i am and i can let people in, i've gotten into university so i'm not tied down with studying for A-level exams, i've had a lot of life experience, yet i know i've a lot to learn. i am ok with commitment with the right person and compromise. if i were to ever feel our relationship (supposing we got back together) i would handle it differently anyway. much differently, i'd actually try to work it out and not dump him the second i felt too scared.

i really can't believe i actually went to the trouble of explaining myself to you! i couldn't care less what you think as you're argument is so absurd. if it were to be "logical" then i should never ever date again just because i didn't stay with a guy when i was 13. are you serious? you have issues and the emotions associated with them have caused you to be unfair, callous and aggressive to a 17 year old girl who is heart broken whom you don't even know. seriously??? now who's acting on emoitions eh?

love isn't completely logical but logic is behind my decision to contact him now that i've matured and am ready. furthermore, staying with him at 13 probably would have been bad anyways for both of us. i think it's great that we've both seen other people and had seperate lives and got into university without each other.

[NBT]

Okay sorry, I understand some of your points (Although I don't agree with them) But I don't think you addressed them very appropriately. Love is a sensitive issue and everybody deals with it differently. 14-16 is when I personally made the biggest emotional advance.
Maybe she shouldn't have dated other people at 13-14. But that was a mistake she made.

Like I said, I kind of understand your points, I just didn't feel there was a need to be aggressive as she's clearly upset.

And nobody can logically answer what will happen when she gets too close next time as it depends who she is getting close to, how they react, how she will react upon his response etc.

Put it like this:

If you gave me a hypothetical relationship scenario, I could tell you exactly what I would do in that situation.

But that's because, at 30, I'm mature enough to DO so.

I know women in their 20s who still run away from their feelings whenever they get close to something that seems good and genuine.

I don't (and wouldn't) do that, though. So maybe I'm being unfair to her, since I can't identify with her situation/feelings of running away.

So perhaps we shall just agree to disagree.