My girlfriend dumped me abruptly..

[chiknfingaz]

Yeah..I understand that it doesn't always revolve around being crazy and getting wasted. She used to tell me the same stuff... that I didn't get it. I do, and its not like I never go out. And I told her I would be willing to start going with her. I don't plan on being a shut in through all of college.. just never a fan of taking it overboard. And she used to take it overboard before we got together, quite a bit in fact. Hence my hesitation in trusting her.

[girl68]

Well then you guys were doomed from the start honestly. My ex was like you. Nice guy, great in fact- gave me the world. But he was also not a party guy, pretty tame, some what social but too tame still for me. I'm not a crazy wide eyed slut or anything... but I did like to get my drink on, dance, party jump up and down... you know have quite a ball of fun! Buuuut my ex wasn't into that. While I adored him, he wasn't my style. NOW, I know that nice, laid back non-party men are just not for me. Same goes for her. I too like her didn't really speak up because I thought I could live happily ever ever with my non party guy- It wasn't until FIVE years later I couldn't. So I guess, in a way you're luckier than my ex.

He's moved on and I know he'll need a girl who is just a little less party girl and a little more bring home to mamma. There are TONS of those girls, you'll find one. And stop the crazy I'm 20 I need to find a girl and settle down now... you're too young for that talk for one and two, you've already lost a girl doing that... take it slower, more casual and have a little more fun- less serious man, less serious.

[lahnnabell]

To the OP, keep in mind that you can find a party girl and get along with her, but you have to be able to allow her the freedom she wants. I loooove to dance and drink, but my boyfriend would rather drink in a casual setting with the jazz on. When I get my "party itch", he lets me go off with the girls and get crazy, provided that I promise I wont drive drunk and I'll stay safe.

The fact that he allows me this freedom, no questions asked makes me love him even more.

[chiknfingaz]

girl68, if you don't mind me asking, what was that breakup like?

lahnnabell, I think that is the mistake I made with my ex. I dunno yet if I want to set myself up in that same time of relationship, or find a "bring home to mamma" kind of girl that girl68 mentioned. I guess that's what this reflective time is for! With my ex I was always scared she would go overboard, but that was partially because of her personality and history. Its hard to say.

[girl68]

It was all me. I had tried breaking up with him before but we slowly got back together. Things improved for a while, then they went back to the way where I was unhappy. It was then that I realized it was a clash of personality. He's just too laidback I need someone more outgoing. I ended up saying "we need to talk, I'm coming over" It was ONLY me talking he basically said nothing other than "I love you" and that wasn't good enough I needed a different person despite how I really did love him I just knew there was no way it could work.

After the actual dumping I lived in hell on earth. Everything reminded me of how lonley I was. My friends were overbearing and annoying (even though they were just trying to be "there for me"). I cried my eyes out for days. He for the first time went to parties and got wasted (he never drank when I was with him). So it took a real toll on me and him as well. We never spoke it was NC right away and stayed that way. With a little bit of time and continued support from my best friends eventually I came out of my whole. I met someone and now 4 years later I really couldn't be happier.

[chiknfingaz]

I see. Our situations do sound fairly similar, albeit on different sides of the coin. I keep holding on, hoping that she's going through the same loneliness you described, and just buckles. But I'm not banking on it or anything. I do believe that life goes on. Did you ever want to go back?

[girl68]

Absolutely never. And she shouldn't either. You're a good guy and all but a guy like you and a gal like her will never work and it's not personal it's personality clashes. You really should stop holding on that will be the very thing that keeps you from moving on. Yes, she's hurting and lonley but she also doesn't want you back and that also doesn't mean she hates you she just can't be your gf.

[chiknfingaz]

Interesting. I'll take your word for it. It just shocks me because she was never a strong willed person.

[girl68]

I doubt that. ^ I'll bet she was all along but since you were a nice guy she tried to put those party girl pants away and tried to be happy being low key and tame and eventually it ate her up and it took 2 years to realize the lifestyle with you wasn't a life style she wanted.

[chiknfingaz]

Sounds about right. /cry

[girl68]

yeah man cry it out... with time- I promise it al gets better.

[chiknfingaz]

Haha, I actually haven't cried in weeks. I just feel empty. Stupid as it sounds, I'm still upset that she is lonely and hurting too. But then that leads to frustration, because I know getting back together could fix our sadness.... at least in the short term. :-/

yes I know getting back together is a terrible idea.

[Raze]

Haha, I actually haven't cried in weeks. I just feel empty. Stupid as it sounds, I'm still upset that she is lonely and hurting too. But then that leads to frustration, because I know getting back together could fix our sadness.... at least in the short term. :-/

yes I know getting back together is a terrible idea.

We've all been there. I have a solution to your problem. Hangout with friends that are single more often. You need your friends right now. Time for them to step up and be friends. When my ex gf cheated on me, I was severely depressed and my friends helped me through it.

[chiknfingaz]

Yeah that is good advice. I went out like every day the first week after the breakup but between work and school, it got tiring. Plus I always find ways to bring her in the conversation and after I get started, its hard to shut me up. My friends have been great. Luckily summer classes end tomorrow and I can just chill before going off to school. I know I need to make the effort not to bring her up every 5 minutes. Its just tough. I have been trying my hardest not to get on her facebook today, lol.

[girl68]

if you can't stop looking at her facebook delete her