What to do in this situation - Help/Advice needed!

[Misunderstood]

No, just leave it. Messaging her back is only opening the lines of communication again and she'll message you back because she likes to stir up drama. This will only suck you in again. Just leave it alone. You did everything and said everything you needed to. The bitch needs to get her head on straight. Good job telling her like it is

Thanks, it was actually considerably easy because it's exactly how I feel. The only reason for messaging her back is because the message she sent me makes it look like she's still in control, she seems to believe that she can just message me whenever she wants in the future and I'll be okay with that, when in fact, I won't. I guess my original message to her was an ultimatum. Either she doesn't want to speak to me, and then I'll just remove her from facebook etc, or she does want to chat and will make more of an effort to not jerk me around.

The fact is, after that reply, it's quite clear that she doesn't give a damn, so what's the point hanging round in hope that she might contact me in the future only to be the exact same way with me? In my mind, I want to send her a last message telling her not to bother and then I'll just block/delete her so that she can't contact me again.

It seems a bit silly to get back in touch later whenever she wants to because then my whole message will become what Giga said, just another time were there are no consequences for her actions.

[kitkitkitty]

you've done your bit and gave her the olive branch to explain herself and she didn't. i agree that it's probably a lot to do with control. yknow... if she can get away with it once she can get away with it 1000 times. on one hand you want answers but on the other you need to be mature and accept that she obviously isn't.

[Misunderstood]

you've done your bit and gave her the olive branch to explain herself and she didn't. i agree that it's probably a lot to do with control. yknow... if she can get away with it once she can get away with it 1000 times. on one hand you want answers but on the other you need to be mature and accept that she obviously isn't.

That's what I mean, all signs are pointing to it not being worth it, and I certainly don't want to give her any more room to get away with anything else. My gut instinct at the moment is telling me that to delete and block her is probably the best idea. If she doesn't care now, why would she care in the future?

[lahnnabell]

Thanks, it was actually considerably easy because it's exactly how I feel. The only reason for messaging her back is because the message she sent me makes it look like she's still in control, she seems to believe that she can just message me whenever she wants in the future and I'll be okay with that, when in fact, I won't. I guess my original message to her was an ultimatum. Either she doesn't want to speak to me, and then I'll just remove her from facebook etc, or she does want to chat and will make more of an effort to not jerk me around.

The fact is, after that reply, it's quite clear that she doesn't give a damn, so what's the point hanging round in hope that she might contact me in the future only to be the exact same way with me? In my mind, I want to send her a last message telling her not to bother and then I'll just block/delete her so that she can't contact me again.

It seems a bit silly to get back in touch later whenever she wants to because then my whole message will become what Giga said, just another time were there are no consequences for her actions.

You are asserting your control by not responding. Giving in and messaging her YET AGAIN makes you look flakey. Let it go

[Misunderstood]

You are asserting your control by not responding. Giving in and messaging her YET AGAIN makes you look flakey. Let it go

Okay, but what happens if say, months down the line, after not talking for ages, she messages me. What then?

[lahnnabell]

You won't know how you feel until that time comes. You could be dating some new girl or doing some other amazing thing and won't wanna give another thought to this chick who screwed you around for so long. You're just not gonna know until that time. I know you want a window into the future to see if anything you've done has had an effect on her, but part of this whole growing thing is not needing validation for your actions. Especially from someone as careless as she.

[Misunderstood]

You won't know how you feel until that time comes. You could be dating some new girl or doing some other amazing thing and won't wanna give another thought to this chick who screwed you around for so long. You're just not gonna know until that time. I know you want a window into the future to see if anything you've done has had an effect on her, but part of this whole growing thing is not needing validation for your actions. Especially from someone as careless as she.

True, but it's quite possible that over the next few months if I don't hear from her I could be totally fine, then if she messages me, it could drag me back to where I am now and I definitely don't want that. There's nothing left, I can't really see a friendship working out of this, do I really want to leave the door open for her to just walk right through whenever it suits her? It seems a little flakey to just leave it and let her re-enter my life whenever she feels fit too.

Are you sure that being assertive and being the one to close the door isn't going to be more beneficial in the long run?

[lahnnabell]

True, but it's quite possible that over the next few months if I don't hear from her I could be totally fine, then if she messages me, it could drag me back to where I am now and I definitely don't want that. There's nothing left, I can't really see a friendship working out of this, do I really want to leave the door open for her to just walk right through whenever it suits her? It seems a little flakey to just leave it and let her re-enter my life whenever she feels fit too.

Are you sure that being assertive and being the one to close the door isn't going to be more beneficial in the long run?

You have already closed the door. Besides, telling her not to contact you anymore could potentially not work anyway. She can still message you if she wants to unless you decide to block her. Trust me, if you open up the lines of communication again it will only give her another reason to respond. She's playing the sympathy card right now by relenting to see if it'll keep you coming back.

It's not flaky to just leave it. You look flaky when you say, "Here is this ultimatum that I will issue to you on the grounds that we shouldn't speak anymore if you're gonna be a bitch." And then she responds, and then you respond back. It's like a pissing contest so to see who can close the door on who faster. That's not maturity.

[kitkitkitty]

if she contacts you in a month things will have changed.... you will have had time to mull over things further and you'll realise that you've done all of this for a reason. you don't know how you'll feel down the line so take this situation for what it is now and don't worry about what COULD happen.

[Misunderstood]

You have already closed the door. Besides, telling her not to contact you anymore could potentially not work anyway. She can still message you if she wants to unless you decide to block her. Trust me, if you open up the lines of communication again it will only give her another reason to respond. She's playing the sympathy card right now by relenting to see if it'll keep you coming back.

It's not flaky to just leave it. You look flaky when you say, "Here is this ultimatum that I will issue to you on the grounds that we shouldn't speak anymore if you're gonna be a bitch." And then she responds, and then you respond back. It's like a pissing contest so to see who can close the door on who faster. That's not maturity.

True. Okay, I'll leave it and see what happens. But knowing what shes up is going to make it all the more difficult, but I have no doubt that I can do it! Thanks for your advice

[Misunderstood]

if she contacts you in a month things will have changed.... you will have had time to mull over things further and you'll realise that you've done all of this for a reason. you don't know how you'll feel down the line so take this situation for what it is now and don't worry about what COULD happen.

Alright, I'll keep it all posted here if anything is to happen down the line.

[xxazurexx]

I think the religion thing was an excuse to dump you.

She simply isn't over her ex.

[Misunderstood]

I think the religion thing was an excuse to dump you.

She simply isn't over her ex.

Exactly my thoughts at the time. Soon after I was back in England though she messaged me to say that it wasn't because of him (because I voiced my concerns about it when I was there) and that she and him have decided to remain friends, even though he desperately wanted her back when she left him.

[lahnnabell]

I think the religion thing was an excuse to dump you.

She simply isn't over her ex.

He said he met her in Mexico. If she is Mexican, then religion is part of the reason. Marrying another devout Christian is very much the way for Mexicans, and her family would most likely prefer that she does. Religion is very important to their culture.

[xxazurexx]

^Then all the more reason why you OP should just forget her and move on.