Heartache.....Where do i start?

[inkeepingsecret]

why is everyday different? Its like an emotioanl rollercoaster. i woke up this morning thinking that I want to try and make this work, that she is right and she is making the best decision for us. I am so impatient. She is really a smart girl. I need to trust her, but i so easily forget. We love each other and thats what counts. I told her that she is turning her back on us, but im the one turning my back on her. I need to be strong and be dupportive for her.

[kronos51]

Everyday is a new day my friend, but you said it, just try to think logically about your feelings (a bit of an oxymoron, I know, but you know what i mean). Dont let yourself second guess your feelings, that leads to more rollercoastery-ness. Decide what they are and remember that, and it will be a lot easier to stick to your convictions and be more patient.

[inkeepingsecret]

I talked to her today and she hooked up with a guy. Every muscle in my body went numb. It was the worst feeling in the world. Awww man i really pushed her over the edge. Before, she was so close to getting back with me and all i had to do was be patient. I def made her do something that she might not of done. i trapped her once agian. This really sucks... But atleast i have a date tonight...........i jsut want this pain to stop....

[kronos51]

Yeah, that does hurt. and has happened to me (also, it depends on your definition of 'hook up' though i usually assume sex). I think ive given all the advice i can without contradicting myself . See how she feels man, sometimes people will try to force themselves to move on by doing things like that. It is not a good idea, but i have known more than one girl (and guys too) that thought ithat they should be having fun in college, broke up with significant others even though they werent sure about it, and thought having sex would make them move on. I hope everything goes well for you man, good luck with your date and with your feelings.

[shenmue]

she slept with another guy and you're blaming yourself? WTF!

[shenmue]

maybe you should try just outright honsetly telling her how you feel, I think you deserve the closure you need, and don't take so much shit man,but that's just my opinion, make your own decision.

[inkeepingsecret]

its over, its over, its over. She called me last night wanting details and at first i wouldnt give em to her. SHe got pissed and so i gave em and then i started to ask her questions about this guy. SHe began to tell me that she stayed over at his appt.But she repeatedly said that they only kissed. I dont know what to really think of that but i cant rule out anything else. She was saying,"how could you even think about a relationship." I told her i wasnt and i was just going out on a date. Im not in college and i cant go about meeting people the way she does. What nerve she has to try and make me feel bad when after being with me for 2 years sleeps in some random guys bed after only being broken up for 1.5 weeks. So F'ed up.

The date went well and my ex called me like right when i was picking the girl up. It was weird and i didnt pick up. The whole date, i was thinking about my ex and how i just wanted to call her back. When i got home i was telling my roomate that i wouldnt even consider hooking up right now and all that. Then, all that other stuff happened, she called me again and thats when i found out. Now, i would do anything. I told her to tell me that she doesnt love me anymore so that i can move on and she said she cant. She has me by the balls and she is making me feel like i am inferior to her and that i couldnt get any better. Anything is better then this,,,, i couldnt of imagined it ever being like this. I know i wont love for a long time.............................................. ................Back on the prowl

[shenmue]

geez man I'm sorry. I'm kind of in the same spot myself, but am now feeling that things turned out for the best, after the pain subsides, you might feel free, like I do. God Bless.

[inkeepingsecret]

Here's another update!!!

First of all, I want to thank everyone for helping me out. You guys have made these hard times a lot easier to deal with.

Ok, a lot of things have happened since the last time i was on here. My ex's parents live 5 minutes from my house. She came home on Tuesday for the thanksgiving break. I knew that it would be hard knowing that i will have to drive right passed her house on my way to work on Wednesday. My feelings have changed once again...HAHAH...I was strong and didnt talk to her until friday or saturday. On sat, I asked if we could meet and she didnt know if she could handle it. I proceeded to say that it wasnt fair for us to end what we had over the phone. She agreed, and she still wasnt sure. She called me on Sunday and asked when we could meet. SO, we met at a coffee chop. I really had no idea how hard this was going to be. I was a wreck. I was sitting having some coffee and then she walked in. My vision blurred and my stomach began to turn. I stood up and hugged her. It was the best and at the same time the worst feeling in the world. SHe squeezed me as tightly as i squeezed her. Then, we sat down and she already had tears in her eyes. We began to talk about random things and then she began to break down and tell me that she misses me so much. I told her the same. She says that she doesnt know what to do, and she know that we cant get back together right now. She tells me that she is so afraid to lose me. I told her that i am so afraid to walk away from the love that we share together. I love this woman more than i could possibly love anyone else. I know that statment may be irrational, but i know it deep down in my heart. We agree to go into her car and talk. There was so much crying. We are both hurting so badly. It was one of the most emotional days of my life. We ended with the longest hug and we both said that we love each other. This is so hard. I talked to her later that night because my best frind goes out with her best friend and they were hanging out. We had a long talk on the phone and she told me that she doesnt want anyone else, but she knows that it is too soon to get back together. Oh, and FYI i kissed a girl the night before. SHe was asking me about it and I told her. When i kissed this girl it made me feel even more empty as a person. The only thing i thought about was my ex and how much i love her. I know that it would be so hard for us to get back together, but she is the only person i want in the world. She is so afraid to have regrets about missing out on her "college life" and i am so afraid to wake up 10 years from now still knowing she is the one. Its a surreal situation. I really do not know what to do. The pain isnt fading. I know she still loves me as much as i love her. Once again, i told her that i will be apart of her life, but as in times passed, thats a hard role to play. My feelings and outlook on things have been changing day to day. I want to be patient and strong, but i have having such a hard time with it. Sometimes, i crack and begin to say things that i dont really mean. Things that i would never say to her. What would you guys suggest about handling this situation? Is there any hope? There has to be.......


Please excuse the rambling incoherant thoughts.................................

[inkeepingsecret]

oh, and when i say "hook-up" I mean kissing not having sex.

[kronos51]

Alright man, listen to me here. It is good that you both made your feelings clear. Take comfort in the fact that she loves you and knows she wants to be with you. I just went through about 3 weeks of being broken up with my girlfriend even though we were both still madly in love. She did go out with a couple other guys, and kissed a couple other guys too. However, I knew that she didnt enjoy it and it didnt bother me at all, cuz I knew that every time she was with another guy it made her more sure she loved me.

If you know you want to be with her and she wants to be with you, then you should be able to ride it out and not be too worried about the outcome. Of course I dont know exactly how she is acting about the situation. She seems like she is still trying to force herself to live the college experience instead of following her feelings and this is causing her to be torn up inside. If you follow your feelings then you will be happy, and she will be happy once she follows her feelings. It may take her a little while, maybe you can help her to get through this or maybe not, but she will eventually figure out what to do.

I could be wrong, but it seems pretty clear that you both want to end up together, so it will happen eventually (as long as you both dont force yourself to be unhappy for the sake of being "normal").

Good luck man, and dont fret, it will be okay.

[inkeepingsecret]

she also threw the " i want you to be my friend" line in there. Im not sure if i mentioned that detail....Is that a huge issue?

[kronos51]

In my experience, that just backs up what I said. She doesnt want to lose you in her life, but feels for whatever reason that she needs to be dating around. Again, Im not you, but that is what it screams out to me.

[inkeepingsecret]

here we go again,,,

Ok, ever since we met we have been talking to each other on a regular basis. I told her how i feel about her and the situation. I told her that if we do try this again that i was going to put all my energy into this relationship. The reason why we were fighting because i didnt trust her and her intentions. I had no reason to doubht her. I questioned everything she di and i put added pressure on her. I realised the reason i was doing this was because i was completley dependant on her for my happiness. I burned my bridges so to speak. I wasnt as close to my friends and family. I was miserable during the week and i balmed her for it. I mean it was great when we were together but there has to be some sort of balance for it to work. Time apart from her was like night and day. I know now that it cant ever be like that. The good thing is that we are young and growing and maturing day by day. This is the best time for us to figure out what kind of a person we want to evolve into. I used her as a crutch and it wasnt fair. I will never suceed in a relationship unless i can learn to make myself happy in the process. I think that is the key. The last couple of days i have been putting up a wall, in fear of hurting even more. She would keep telling me that she misses me and loves me and so on. I told her to stop because that doesnt mean anything to me and it just makes it more frustrating. That only made her upset, she was trying to get closer to me and i rejected her. It was a bad move. She began to tell me that she was getting really upset because i didnt believe her when she said, " i love you." Then, she said, " the most important thing in the world to me is loving you." that broke my heart and i apologized. I gave her all the control and i am the one that also needs to figure some things out. I blamed her for everything and that wasnt the case at all. I told her that this is the best for us and i appreciate her and also, everything about her. She was thrilled and i think we are headed in the right direction. SHe loves me more then anything and i am willing to wait for her. I made up my mind that she is the one i want and i am going to try and do everything i can to make things right..........................this may be my final "change of heart" i know this is the right way to go..............does anyone agree???

[turbomx3]

I haven't got any advice which is gonna help all I can say is good luck dude be true to yourselves and all else will fade away and make sense. Oh and let your girl know she shouldn't lose what she has over a college experience thats not rigt if she wants to lose you then so be it but not over a college experience because thats what she thinks it should be. if the status Quo was that all college students slept with five people of the same sex a night would she want to do it? nah! I can see what she saying but I can't understand what she's doing! why lose someone you love who treats you well, loves you loads and has given their heart and soul to you because the status Quo is that you should?

Anyway I guess I didn't have advice just a comment well actually my advice is mainly to her don't lose what she has to have the mentioned experiencies as she may end up actually resenting the things that opushed her to it!

And I have to say well done your a bigger man than i could ever be because if my ex had off told me she had hooked up with someone i would of driven over to her college and gone crazy WTF. If your cool with an open relationship then I suppose thats ypour choice the only problem is if thats what she wants to do then you can't reallly box her into something else! Man I feel for you bro! once again good luck