Sick & tired of excuses. (Advice?)

[Delicious Sin]

Vashti - I've said it several times before, but I'll say it again. He signed a privacy notice. Because I am not family and I am not his wife, the hospital cannot give me information on him other than he's a patient there. They wont transfer me to his room either. I've tried on several occasions. It's not happening.

Gigi - In total he's been hospitalized for 6 months, but it's been off and on, not a continuous stay. When he was in VA, his brother did come out to see him. I do speak with his brother on an irregular basis, so I know it wasn't complete bullshit. Before he left Cali, he worked for a company as an investment banker. Now that he's not in Cali, he does day trading. I would think he'd want to see me as well, regardless of being in the hospital. But I guess I'm wrong. =\


Edit: At this point, I'm just taking xxazure's advice. I'm going to let the rest of the month just ride out and if he's still hasn't shown up or allowed me to come see him, I'll have no other choice but to break off the relationship.

[vashti]

Vashti - I've said it several times before, but I'll say it again. He signed a privacy notice. Because I am not family and I am not his wife, the hospital cannot give me information on him .

I'm a nurse. I know how HIPAA works. I asked if you know for sure he is even IN the hospital, and it looks to me like your answer may be "no". These types of infections are notorious for being tough to treat, so I am not surprised he has had difficulty getting rid of it, but something isn't right.

He probably has a girlfriend he doesn't want you to meet.

[xxazurexx]

I know that when I once phoned a hospital and to enquire about a friend, I was asked if I was a family relative and when I said no, they would provide me with no other information or details whatsover. I was only transferred to the room and when they verified with my friend, that I was a friend and she knew me. And all this is without having to sign a 'Privacy' agreement ...of course this the UK, not US.

I still think he may just not want her to see him and from a hospital bed. Especially when he's been hospitalised for all this time. If it's a tough thing he's going through, which it sounds like it is, this past few months will have taken its toll on his looks for sure and he just may not want her to see him and when he looks and feels like 'death warmed up'....

If he was my partner, I'd just be understanding and because I wouldn't want him to see me in that way for the first time we met.

Thing is, she isn't going to find out and what's really going on, if anything and because nobody will give her any info it seems.

I think that when we choose to get involved with men online, we can never be sure of their 'real life' circumstances and until we meet them, visit them at their hometown and have the real proof they are, who they say they are. We tend to just trust them and what they say.

I think there are usually red flags though and if they could be married. OP, was there ever a concern and to think he could be married/partnered and prior to this hospital stay and throughout the months you chatted beforehand?

[smackie9]

Just give the guy a break. This infection is nasty to deal with. I saw my neighbor suffer from it for a few years, so it's no surprise that he has been fighting this for so long. LDR's are tough, and how long they last all depends on how tough you are. If this guy is worth it then give him his time to recover. They say all good thing come to those who wait.

[Delicious Sin]

I've given all the information that I have. He's in the hospital he says he is, I called and they wouldn't release any information to me. I did a background check on him when we first got serious. He had former addresses in the state he grew up in, then his current. There were no marriage licenses listed. I never really had suspension that he was married, either. The post was never really about "Is he lying to me?" or "Is he hiding a secret wife/girlfriend from me?" It was more of a "what should I do?" type of thing. I have no real reason to doubt his sincerity or to believe he has bad intentions at this point.

I realize that his illness is serious and probably taking a toll on him mentally and emotionally as well as physically. I also understand his reasoning for not wanting me to see him the way he is. I just really wanted to be there for him in his time of need. I'm frustrated and stressed out by the entire situation. I don't want to end things with him or to start accusing him of things I have no real proof or concern about.