Quote Originally Posted by John Littlejohn View Post
She didn't change her opinion; she merely told you the unvarnished truth when she was drunk and her defenses were down. You're talking about the equivalent of had she asked you, "do I look fat in this," and you, being a little distracted, said, "yeah, a little bit." It's true, but also a little brutally honest.



Not being the #1 best that she's ever, ever had in the sack does NOT destroy what you have together. Not even remotely. It's your unhealthy blowing it out of proportion it that is doing that. There's nothing to "work out" except your insecurities. If your luvin' was unsatisfactory, she would have booted you 10 years ago. And there is so much more to being a good husband than merely ****ing her like she's never been ****ed before. Clearly, she feels you have all that, otherwise you'd be out on the street.

Asking what you can do to be a better lover is great. You should do that. All couples should communicate about their needs. In a nonconfrontational, trust-building partnership way. Not by interrogating. Not by forcing her to spill it when she's upset and doesn't want to. Eventually obtaining that information, however, will not address the insecurity that's at the root of your issue. It won't make you feel better about this semi-mythical one-night lay she had in high school. It won't make you feel less "terrible" or "gutted." You'll have to learn, pretty much on your own, but with her help too, to be happy that the woman you care so much about once had a really tremendous time with someone who wasn't you.

In the meantime, you're torturing your wife by interrogating her over something that clearly she associates with the death of somebody she cares about. Cut it out.
Thank you. You really put this into perspective for me. Your words are deeply felt by me and much appreciated. I needed someone to make some sense out of this and I think my behavior was a little much. I am going to forgive my wife and try my best to be what she originally seen in me when we first met. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.