Damned if I do, Damned if I don't

[bulrush]

No, you both have communications issues. That's passive-aggressive crap that has no place in an adult relationship. You want something, frickin' communicate it. Don't get all bent if your partner doesn't just "magically" know what you want.

THANK you! It's what I do and it works very well. I tell someone (my gf) exactly what I want. And often, I get it. And I"m happy. Of course I also ask her what she wants, and if she knows, I give it to her.

Now that's not complicated, is it?

[HeartIsAching]

THANK you! It's what I do and it works very well. I tell someone (my gf) exactly what I want. And often, I get it. And I"m happy. Of course I also ask her what she wants, and if she knows, I give it to her.

Now that's not complicated, is it?

It's pretty much what my wife and I do. No, it's not difficult... now. But it's oddly not easy at first. Most people don't learn to communicate with their partners, they learn from family members and media that their partner is supposed to just"know" then so well that they'll know what they want without actually saying it. Then they get angry when it doesn't happen. Duh.

Clear communications without emotionally charged accusations go a loooooong way towards a happy relationship.

[elleda]

who is this shellyz??? this person gives great advice- i totally agree.

sure you've heard it before but: Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option!!

good for you for seeing the light, girlfriend! also, do me a favor and tell him 'F*CK YOU' from canada

[Yet another guy]

Hmm, Interesting. I didn't think guys did that. This is why I'm confused. I guess you can say that I am just as guilty as he is. Maybe we both have intimacy issues.

Not usually, but your guy seems a bit insecure.

No, you both have communications issues.

I agree with this. If my guess is correct, what he should have done is ask you to please put more effort into the relationship and initiate something yourself. What you should do is ask him why he didn't contact you for a month. In fact that's what you should have asked him after a few days or a week of his "vanishing act", depending on how frequently he usually is in contact. And be ready to answer why you didn't either.

For either of you, there's no point in trying to guess what each of you is thinking or feeling or why you guys did or didn't do something when you could simply talk about it.
The bottom line is, neither of you contacted for the month. If you think he is to blame, you are guilty of the very same thing. The solution is not pointing fingers but good communication. Talk about it and apologize to each other (and live happily ever after)

I'm sorry for going a bit OT with this, but...

sure you've heard it before but: Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option!!

This is referring to ShellyZ comment that he might have been dating someone else on the side, right?
I find your comment a bit odd coming from a female. Usually it's the girls on this forum who remind insecure guys that the girls they are dating will date others too, even while dating them. "That's what people do."

Personally, I don't think I'd ever choose dating several people simultaneously but if I denied my date doing so, I'd be labeled insecure and needy or obsessive. If my hypothetical future girlfriend had dated someone else while dating me, I'd only be happy she chose me.

[ShellyZ]

I find your comment a bit odd coming from a female. Usually it's the girls on this forum who remind insecure guys that the girls they are dating will date others too, even while dating them. "That's what people do."

That's only what people do when they're not in an exclusive relationship. If you're in a committed relationship with someone, then you should not be dating other people. But if you never define your relationship as exclusive and it's just casual sex, then you're both free to date other people, as long as you make your intentions clear. Maybe I misunderstood, but the OP made it sound like they weren't exclusive, they were just f.uck buddies.

Personally, I don't think I'd ever choose dating several people simultaneously but if I denied my date doing so, I'd be labeled insecure and needy or obsessive. If my hypothetical future girlfriend had dated someone else while dating me, I'd only be happy she chose me.

I don't like dating multiple people at once either, I prefer to find one person that I can be happy with. That's why I don't let the physical stuff get out of control until I'm in a committed relationship. I understand that until we're an exclusive couple, the guy is free to date other people, and I wouldn't want to be having sex with someone who's dating other people. So if we're not in a relationship yet, then he's not getting sex or blow jobs from me. That's just how I protect myself from getting hurt.

[Yet another guy]

Maybe I misunderstood, but the OP made it sound like they weren't exclusive, they were just f.uck buddies.

I've been sleeping with this guy off and on for about 4 months.

Sleeping with someone off and on for a few months doesn't sound much of a committed relationship to me. I guess it depends on how you define a relationship.

[Miss Lynn]

Sleeping with someone off and on for a few months doesn't sound much of a committed relationship to me. I guess it depends on how you define a relationship.

We never established any kind of serious relationship.. It was just sex, really, really good sex. We got along like friends and we were really intimate. It's kinda hard to find all of that in one place. The whole time he kept telling me how "he liked what we had going". I liked it too. I'm not a serious relationship type person. I'm extremely free- spirited and must be able to do my own thing.. He seemed the same way. so we both kinda told ourselves and each other that we didn't want to complicate anything with feelings. Then.. I think thats exactly what we did! (Wow, I think I just answered my own question)

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You say you're six years older than him, how old are you two?

If you two are in your twenties and younger or are significantly "more successful", he may feel intimidated by you. It sounds like you both want more but neither will take the first step for fear of seeming desperate.