how do you make a women trust you more

[Dependable]

When we were dating, and I saw it I thought over time it would get better, and when we moved into together again I thought, ok she will see she has no reason to not trust me, and this problem will go away, it did not
I know I sound like am making excuses but I had a horrible past, and she knows it, we met as friends and became more, with her I was able to be totally honest, and she saw a side of me that is now dead, but it was who I was, and she saw it. I made some stupid mistakes, and cell phones, contact lists, face book act�I want the relationship to continue and I am afraid that her trust issues will erode our relationship, and force it to an ending. I keep telling myself it�s something we can work out, and a lot of our troubles came from my own stupid actions, I realized that we need some counseling, and she needs some help, I often see that her problem is not with me but her own self, and she needs to deal with it.
I love her, and we have a very good relationship, despite the trust issue, which only pops up, when something from my past comes out, or when she thinks I am staring at women.

[doppelgaenger]

When we were dating, and I saw it I thought over time it would get better, and when we moved into together again I thought, ok she will see she has no reason to not trust me, and this problem will go away, it did not
I know I sound like am making excuses but I had a horrible past, and she knows it, we met as friends and became more, with her I was able to be totally honest, and she saw a side of me that is now dead, but it was who I was, and she saw it. I made some stupid mistakes, and cell phones, contact lists, face book act�I want the relationship to continue and I am afraid that her trust issues will erode our relationship, and force it to an ending. I keep telling myself it�s something we can work out, and a lot of our troubles came from my own stupid actions, I realized that we need some counseling, and she needs some help, I often see that her problem is not with me but her own self, and she needs to deal with it.
I love her, and we have a very good relationship, despite the trust issue, which only pops up, when something from my past comes out, or when she thinks I am staring at women.

It doesn't matter if you had an honorable past or not. My ex did the same thing to me, and I before I met her, I was practically the altar boy. She wouldn't even allow me to have female friends on Facebook. She had to have all the passwords to my email addresses to trust me. She always wanted to check my phone to see if "my little whores" were calling me. If I directed my gaze anywhere other than her direction when we were out, she would point at an attractive woman and say, "I bet you want to fück her, don't you? That's why you're looking at her, isn't it." Do I need to go any further?

I know you love her, but I'm telling you from personal experience. It's just going to get worse and worse, and one day you'll find yourself being ridiculed and harassed by her. You don't need counseling. SHE does. It's her problem, not yours. Once you accept this, you'll move on. I did, and I found a girl who respects me much more than that.

[Dependable]

i was a player in my past; and we were friends so she saw that part of me, plus i was very honest with her about everythign i have ever done. ( mistake?) but i never cheated on my girlfriend all the things i did overseas i was single and had no attachments

i work midnight to noon; and did not sleep very much last night i was wired, i told her this tonight when i called before coming on shift; her responce was not attacking me, but again with you tried becuase you slept with another women, again same stuff, i put a close on it, but thats how her mind works. there is 1 women on the rig, and she is 55 years old!

my work comes with the package i earn about 120K there is no way i could make 50% of that ashore, when i met her i was in the process of switching jobs, my old job had me working 90 days, so 28 is not too bad, and the quality of life it gives us is worth it, in my opinion and like i said before we talked about this before getting serious if she can handle it we have been togather almost 2 years, she knows the drill

[Dependable]

i was seeing other women when we meet, and she knew about it, i was not in a relationship, when we became one i cut that stuff off. their were alot of BLASTS from the past, which made life difficult but we got through it, I think its her Culture and enviorment, Colombian women are VERY jealous period, also her past relationships with men were not so good, in addition to the fact that she has seen me act like a PIG, i personally see no reason to be ashamed of my behavior as i was never seriously invloved in any one, i know those OTHER girls in my past only wanted to be with me becuase of the gifts or places i took them, and i was only with them becuase they are attractive.

I am with my girl now becuase i love her, i see potential in our relationship and it has value for me, if i wanted a lifestyle of sleeping with a new women i would have stayed single, every man has dark thoughts and desires but why would i risk a good relationship with an attractive women whom i love for sex,

[Boisdevie]

Your situation is the same as me n my ex, except that I knew a lot about him(by being friends first), and also he lie to me about very important stuff that lead to my untrust to him. I can say he was coward to say truth, and that's the Thing I hate the most from my partner.

But you tried to be^ honest with her, well that's the best thing to do. Still, my ex had the similar salary as you or higher, and I kept telling him that I can't do it like that forever, I can work together and his salary doesn't buy happiness. I care more about happiness than anything, your gf might be the same, why can't you try to take some steps to get a job that you would get home everyday? If a woman doesn't care about whether you r home or not as long as ur salary is good, I doubt her intention or love to you.

In any case, it's bad that you were a player and works away, it would be easy for some ppl from outside say that it's no problem, cause they don't have Any fuking clue of how your gf feels, a relationship that every weekend or In special occasion she's all alone and see other happy couples, I'm pretty sure if you want a happy family you can't do this forever. Or you will always have new gf after every few years( only if the girls love you not your good salary).

In the mean time, in order for her to build trust to you, you better try to give her a lot of attention, affectionate texts or emails or surprise phone calls. Tell her how much you love her and how much she means to you, never forget flowers on special occasions, don't talk about other girls or meet other women when you work away, compliment honestly about her good features, saying you love her and miss her. Make a future plan and make it clear that she's the only one in your heart and you would want a future with her, don't do stuff that might lead to unfaithful. By what I heard, she's really in love with you. Btw do you meet other women while you worked away?

Being your gf is a really devote and hard work. I didn't know how hard it was till I was in it. So, just the 28 days work away itself makes it totally different from any case of normal people to give the comment that it's similar to their cases. Mine is similar for sure, hell I promised myself that I won't love any guy with the same kind of job anymore.

You don't get it do you Cinabella? The woman is a nutcase, a fruit loop, an insecure control freak and whatever Dependable does (and he's already done a lot) to convince her that he's not and will not cheat on her falls on deaf ears. Your suggestions about texts and flowers and all that stuff is just bullshite that won't work. The woman is clearly unhinged and needs counselling.

[pisces25]

. By what I heard, she's really in love with you.

uh no she isn't. She has a possessive unhealthy attachment to him. Quite the opposite of love.

[Cinnabella]

uh no she isn't. She has a possessive unhealthy attachment to him. Quite the opposite of love.

Yeah you can talk for her whether she loves him or not, so Great, foretellers? .

[pisces25]

He shouldn't have to spend his whole time trying to appease her. Regardless of what he does it will NOT make a difference. She has trust issues. She knew he used to be a player and still entered into a relationship with him. When we enter into a relationship with someone we need to give them trust and respect not be fearful and suspicious. What does she want for him to be locked up inside with her for 24/7? To magically erase his playboy past? These are her issues not his and until they are resolved problems will occur.

[Dependable]

It was not a healthy lifestyle, but i would not change it, i learned from it. and had a good times! i would never give up a real relationship for that type of lifestyle becuase i SAW what it does to people in the end. charlie sheen anybody!

every one has opinions, i came hear to vent, and vent i did. she has a problem with trust and jealousy we HAVE to work it out or our relationship will eventually end, i love her alot, i value the relationship so will try and make it work, reinforce my commitment to her, and probly start some threapy for us, she needs time becuase this issue is larger then us. i may have done stupid things to make it worse, but i have not cheated on her. she is worth the effort to me to try and make it work out.

[MissShrimpy]

I feel that when I come across a problem in my relationship, my boyfriend only says things just to pass off the problem.
Say if I don't feel he appreciates me, he'll instantly say "you're beautiful" then carry on with normal conversation.
I would never suggest doing things purposely to get her trust. That will just be "suspicious".
Like, my boyfriend had a friend request on facebook and ignored it when i was there, but when I went home, he did infact accept it.
And I had no problem, it just annoys me he thinks he might have a problem with it, making it seem also suspicious...
So try not to just do things, do things because you want to do them. She may not understand how you are as a person, and get upset easily. But at least she cares enough to check up on you... right?