how do you make a women trust you more

[Dependable]

MY girl has problems with trusting me, she is very jealous with no reason to be, i have not cheated nor plan to. i think about it from time to time. problems arise becuase she
1. think i am looking at other women
2. was slow to erase me past relationships and girlfriends
3. travel often for work as i work 28 days away and 28 days at home.
4. we were lovers/friends first then became more

I want her to know that i will not cheat
i call often, write letters often and explain that if i wanted other women i would end our relationship and move on.

[MissShrimpy]

1)I think its normal for a lot of girls to be a bit "iffy" when it comes to their man looking at other girls, because its one of those things where it on your concision when you're walking with your boyfriend somewhere. I don't think its a matter of trust, but a matter of how you feel about yourself. When I see a really pretty girl in town for example, and I'm with my boyfriend I get nervous in case he thinks she's better looking, and it makes me aware of my imperfections.
2) Girls are like that, if it's a serious relationship, they will want to be "your one and only" but as other girls have beaten them to maybe taking your virginity, or being your first kiss, or just being a "first" something with you, the chances are slim that you'll ever fulfill the "first" role other than marriage... If you've got facebook, and you want to show her they are not in your life anymore, delete them off of facebook if they are your friends on there. Makes a girl feel 100 times better!
3) I think I would feel the same if my boyfriend left home for a lengthy period of time, even though you write her letters and give her attention, maybe when you're away, mention to her in a text that you're thinking of her, or you wish she was there. or that you cannot wait to see her, don't mention that she's the only girl in the world for you, or that you would never think of another women in that way that might give her the wrong idea.
4) I'm not quite sure how that would make a girl have trust issues...

but anyway, as long as you do not cheat, she cannot hold anything against you...

[Dependable]

she went though my facebook in Oct. last year i gave her the password so that should could see that i was not using it to "find women" or anything eles, well she went though she said by accident old messages from a year ago and some priavte stuff to friends and like where i said some stupid things, as i have never cheated she did not find a "smoking gun", but was looking and found something. i immediatly deleted "Facebook" from my life as i do not use it much and do not really like it.

we are engaged to get married in Sept.

[Dependable]

other then her not trusting me, and jealousy we have a great relationship which is why i am worried and am trying to help her fix this issue.

[bluesummer]

She sound like she has insecurity issues. I can't believe she insisted on spying on your Facebook profile! If you're being you and being honest and she STILL doesn't trust you, then she has a problem. I would sort this out before you get married.

Did someone cheat on her in the past?

[tremolo]

Dependable, I think it's great you are trying to help her work through this issue. My boyfriend and I split yesterday because he claims I did not trust him enough. (If you see my thread 'dispute', you can see why this may not actually be the real reason. But assuming it is...) I have trouble trusting men, as I admitted to him on a couple of occasions. Men in my past have carelessly used me, manipulated me, cheated on me, and lied to me. To my knowledge, my now ex is the only one who did not do any of those things. Even the really great man who I was nearly engaged to before that ex lied to me about a multitude of things in the beginning of our relationship to try to gain my interest and attraction. All this to say, I came to believe that no matter how great a man might seem on the surface, he is inclined to do deceptive and bad things. I believed that if a man is not actually cheating, he is most certainly wanting to, and what is worse, I came to believe, at some point, that this is male nature, and men have to consciously work to fight against this. I have had to work very hard through therapy over the last year to combat this, and while I have made significant progress, I have not yet worked fully through my issues.

I think, though, that these issues are not unresolvable. Perhaps your girlfriend/fiance, like me, wants very much to trust her partner (you) completely, but is going to need some extra attention and reassurance if she is going to get there. She may not ever get there, and you may have a real enduring problem on your hand. I will say, though, that had my boyfriend put more effort into demonstrating his love and commitment to me, we might not have got to the point of a breakup. I would have been more calm and at peace, and I would have been less uneasy when truly problematic situations arose (such as the one described in my thread).

You're doing an amazing job I think calling and writing her, but I think more specifically you could make a point to do things such as: phoning occasionally at *night* when you are away from her; texting/writing frequently when you are away to let her know she is on your mind, so she will understand your attention is not occupied by some other woman; telling her verbally that you love her and are committed to her *without her prompting you to say it*, and giving her some reasons why; not gawking at other women (in person or on tv, in mags, wherever); not speaking about other women's great physical qualities in front of her; not speaking of exes. Perhaps you already do these things, and if so, then I don't know what to tell you. As much as I think a man should try to be sympathetic to a woman's insecurities (and most of us have them in spades), I find it disturbing that she wanted to look through your personal mail. As much as I might want to know there is nothing of concern in any of my partner's correspondence with other women, I constantly tell myself to trust that there isn't. I would never advise any woman to look through her partner's private things, with permission or without, because this is inappropriate and controlling behavior.

Trust is, in any event, a choice a person has to make, and while it can be a difficult one, I think it's something best given unless there is a clear reason not to.

[HeartIsAching]

She has some major insecurity issues. You can't help her with that, that's something she has to do for herself.

It's going to cause friction in your lives. If you do marry her, be aware of that.

[Dependable]

It’s a problem, and we fight allot about it.

she has had boyfriend issues in the past and culture issues too, so this is why I choose to work it out with her, but allot of the times it feel we make progress then go back to where we started.

I feel that I do not stare at women, I may look but never in a rude way, I think she assumes I am looking, we have had some problems over this, and I just do not know how to solve it.

She has no trust in me, and it’s hard when I have done nothing wrong, and am trying harder than most men would to keep the relationship going. Yes I have done some stupid things in the past but since then I have
1. Deleted my face book
2. Deleted my hotmail e-mail account
3. Changes my cell phone number
4. Thrown away my contact book, (it was filled with women’s numbers)

So I have done allot, one of your last fights was because I simply asked when driving through her neighborhood where her EXbestfriend lived, and she this lead to a huge fight, STUPID for me to ask but we almost broke our engagement because of it. She thought I had cheated on her with her best friend, simply because I asked a question as stupid as it was.

i am not really looking for advice, more venting, becuase i do not really have any one i want to talk to about this. i want to keep the relationship alive, she is perfect for me except for her trust issues, my hope is that if can work this problem out, she has no reason to be jealous of me but its still there

[pisces25]

Dependable no matter what you do, even if you do do all those things tremelo suggests in addition to all you have done it will not change a thing. She will always find something to accuse you of and you will just end up living in your own private hell and eventually have a break down.

I would suggest going along with her to a relationship counsellor (some people do prior to marriage to iron out such issues) and seeking some professional advice on the situation. Without getting to the root of her problem (and it could be very deep-seated, even back to childhood) the issue will remain a problem. Seriously can you live the rest of your life not even being able to ask even an innocent question like where her ex best friend lived without her thinking it was coz you cheated with her? That would do my head in.

[tremolo]

This does sound really extreme. It sounds like you are being held hostage by her jealousy, and that just isn't right in a relationship. I agree that counselling may be a last resort. She needs to get this under control if you're going to marry her.

[Boisdevie]

She has some serious problems. You've done all that you can and it;s still not enough for her. In such a situation the idea of marriage would scare me stupid.

[HeartIsAching]

Dependable no matter what you do, even if you do do all those things tremelo suggests in addition to all you have done it will not change a thing. She will always find something to accuse you of and you will just end up living in your own private hell and eventually have a break down.

I would suggest going along with her to a relationship counsellor (some people do prior to marriage to iron out such issues) and seeking some professional advice on the situation. Without getting to the root of her problem (and it could be very deep-seated, even back to childhood) the issue will remain a problem. Seriously can you live the rest of your life not even being able to ask even an innocent question like where her ex best friend lived without her thinking it was coz you cheated with her? That would do my head in.

Exactly right.

[warriormaiden]

Stop trying to 'make' her trust you.

This broad obviously has some serious insecurity problems.

[IndiReloaded]

Stop trying to 'make' her trust you.

This broad obviously has some serious insecurity problems.

Exactly^. You are confusing lack of trust with trustworthy. You sound trustworthy, but she has lack of trust. The sources are very different. You aren't the one with the issue here. Good luck.

[doppelgaenger]

This is not going to get any better. Even if she has 24/7 surveillance of you, she still won't trust you.