I lost the girl of my dreams

[DarkHelmet82]

those ebooks are stupid, and personally I find that you are manipulating into trying to get them to "miss you." But how long will that last if you do get back together...

That being said.. No contact will help you reevaluate your feelings. If in a month or so you still feel the same, I think you should let her know how you feel BUT do it with CONFIDENCE.

Speaking from personal experience, if someone doesnt want to be with me thats fine.. its not going to get me to like them more. People arent robots and these strategies are good in GETTING OVER someone... NOT for getting them back.

Lets say you meet up with her and dont bring up the relationship.. then you will wonder, is she just hanging out because she wants to be friends.. It makes it that much harder.

It depends on why you broke up.. if its because she lost that "spark" then not bringing up the relationship is probably a good idea.... but if its because they need time to deal with issues, then I dont see the problem in just finding out.

[hellhound]

That makes sense. But, she didn't have a reason for ending the relationship. All she basically said was "i don't have the same feelings for you as I did before".

[DarkHelmet82]

so then maybe in this instance no contact is your best course of action... once an attraction dips below a certain threshold there is no getting it back. Personally I would hate no knowing, but i would advise no contact for a few weeks, and then reevaluate your feelings.

Think about it this way.. If that strategy worked (what they say in the ebooks) then NOBODY would have an ex! lol

[Mathias]

Don't be sad friend.. I know U love her.. Show ur strength.. She will beback to u..

No, she won't. Let's not give false hope here.

[Mathias]

once an attraction dips below a certain threshold there is no getting it back.

Slight correction - it IS possible, but extremely difficult and not worth trying (and no contact is the first step in doing it).

[DarkHelmet82]

why is it not worth trying? man people give up too easily no?

[hellhound]

Slight correction - it IS possible, but extremely difficult and not worth trying (and no contact is the first step in doing it).

I know anything is possible. And it would be a challenge. But yes, it would be completely worth it. I'd rather try and have some sort of hope that we could work things out even if they didn't, than not try and dwell on it for the next few years and wonder why I never tried.

[hellhound]

why is it not worth trying? man people give up too easily no?

Agreed. I'm can't give up. Not yet at least.

[DarkHelmet82]

I know anything is possible. And it would be a challenge. But yes, it would be completely worth it. I'd rather try and have some sort of hope that we could work things out even if they didn't, than not try and dwell on it for the next few years and wonder why I never tried.

RIGHT.. which is why after a few months I think you should find out where u stand..... you play games and dont ask you will prbably never find out.. BUT be positive.. and if you dont get the result you want then move on..

[Mathias]

why is it not worth trying? man people give up too easily no?

Because you're only hurting yourself in the end.

Let's say the 1 percent chance does happen. You end up back together. Yay!

Your problems are still there. Now, they're escalated because you've broken up before - so every bad look, every small fight is 10 times worse.

Plus, you fail way more often than you succeed, and you fall extremely hard when you get rejected again.

Don't do it.

[Mathias]

Agreed. I'm can't give up. Not yet at least.

You two understand that you're enablers to each other, right? You're in the same situation, you both refuse to listen to logic and reason, and only feed off of what people in the same situation have to say to you.

In 6 months, if you're still here, you'll be screaming out what the rest of us are trying to do now. Taking advice from someone as heartbroken as yourself isn't the way to go.

[hellhound]

Because you're only hurting yourself in the end.

Let's say the 1 percent chance does happen. You end up back together. Yay!

Your problems are still there. Now, they're escalated because you've broken up before - so every bad look, every small fight is 10 times worse.

Plus, you fail way more often than you succeed, and you fall extremely hard when you get rejected again.

Don't do it.

All problems can be overlooked. That's why you set boundaries within your relationship.

Explain that while you had a wonderful time in your previous relationship with her, if you enter a new one, the new one is separate from the old. And all feelings that aren't related to happiness and love need to be left out of the new relationship. That may not take effect immediately but she will probably realize sooner or later that you're right. Right?

[DarkHelmet82]

You two understand that you're enablers to each other, right? You're in the same situation, you both refuse to listen to logic and reason, and only feed off of what people in the same situation have to say to you.

In 6 months, if you're still here, you'll be screaming out what the rest of us are trying to do now. Taking advice from someone as heartbroken as yourself isn't the way to go.

but does it mean I am wrong? all im saying is its better to know then to always wonder.... Ive accepted the fact that I will never get back with her.. Does it Suck? HELL YEAH.. but it doesnt mean I dont try. Giving up is being weak,

ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST!

[Mathias]

All problems can be overlooked. That's why you set boundaries within your relationship.

Explain that while you had a wonderful time in your previous relationship with her, if you enter a new one, the new one is separate from the old. And all feelings that aren't related to happiness and love need to be left out of the new relationship. That may not take effect immediately but she will probably realize sooner or later that you're right. Right?

Good luck with that.

Look. A lot of us have had experience with this. Some of us multiple times. You certainly don't have to take our advice.

But you're screwing yourself if you don't. Hopefully you'll only have to learn that the hard way this one time, then you'll look back and say "Hey, these were pretty smart people!".

That's why I'm continuing to push this (to you and DH). I realize it's a lost cause now.

[Mathias]

Giving up is being weak,

No. Harping on something that's not going to ever happen and wallowing in your sadness (rather than pushing forward and moving on) is weak.

It's cowardly, too. Face the truth - and you'll get over this much sooner.