Called my girlfriend the wrong name

[ConniptionFit]

And what gives you the impression that he hasn't done the above? Why would you make that assumption?



Again, where in anything that the OP has written is it suggested that he is afraid of her reaction? He clearly states he has been trying to sort this out. He has spoken to her about it on numerous occasions and tried to rectify, and yet you think this is 'tip-toeing'?

And he is being a doormat because he has tried over the past two months to improve the situation and rescue a 4 year relationship?

You must have quite a severe and unrealistic view of dealing with problematic relationships. Either you are very intollerant in relationships, or you haven't been in many to begin with.

I'm not even sure you read the OP's post properly.

Sounds like you need to read the original post.


Read the bold. If you don't understand this is being a doormat, there is something seriously wrong with you.

I have no idea why I said it, and I am now very contious about it every day. I now worry that i will do it again, because I dont understand how I did it the last time. Its driving me crazy.
I have no feelings at all for my ex-wife, I love my girlfriend to bits. She is everything to me, but she is now threatening to leave me if i do it again.
I keep apologizing in every way I can think of but she will not accept it. She now believes I still want my ex and that I no longer love her. Its driving me crazy and driving us apart.
This is now 2 months ago since it happened, my relationship is on the rocks. I wish it never happened and that i never hurt my girlfriend, but I fear its too late for us.
Any advice is welcome.
Thanks

[ConniptionFit]

I think you have a point about her however, I only want to save a 4 year relationship with someone I love. I call it patience and maturity, not a doormat.

Save a 4 year relationship with someone who treats you poorly? OK. If that's what you think is maturity. Go ahead and keep worrying about her unreasonableness. Keep pandering to her. Make the 4 years into 8 years of her insecurities. I mean you've already sunk 4 years into it, you might as well continue letting her mess with your head for at least another 4 years or the rest of your life. Yeah, that's being mature.

Personally, I think maturity has more to do with manning-up, setting ones boundaries and living with the integrity of knowing you won't put up with someone who treats you like crap. Strangely enough, people who do that usually end up with other who treat them well.

[VincenzoG91]

Yeah, she's wrong to punish you for months for a single, drunken slip of the tongue. It's past time for her to get over this. Tell her to grow the hell up or get the hell out.

[smackie9]

Appreciate your bluntness... and you do have a point. I cannot just give up so easily...

thanks

Don't give up. You both were faced with a difficult time. My take on this is when your father passed away, you were emotionally overwhelmed with grief and it probably triggered your emotions from the time when your marriage had ended, hence her being in your subconscious.

Your GF saw it as, you missing and wishing she was there consoling you.

[ConniptionFit]

Don't give up. You both were faced with a difficult time. My take on this is when your father passed away, you were emotionally overwhelmed with grief and it probably triggered your emotions from the time when your marriage had ended, hence her being in your subconscious.

Your GF saw it as, you missing and wishing she was there consoling you.

Or maybe he did the exact same thing that millions of other people who have been with a particular person for a long period of time do- he called someone else by her name.

Again, anyone who can't see this simple thing, but instead, acts passive-aggressively to punish one's partner, needs to develop more life experience and knowledge before being ready to be in a relationship

OP, you should investigate Co-dependent's Anonymous. I think you would find your story of guys who are with manipulative women like your girlfriend to be quite common there.

[surfhb]

I agree with Conniption. She's waaaay out of line here and needs to get over it quickly. I personally wouldn't stand for this behavior - even after 4 years. I doubt this is the first time he's seen her insecurities.

Time to lay some boundaries. There's your PROOF!! Easier said then done but this just might be one of the hardest and painful decision of your life. Tell her again your feelings and that you need to end the relationship if she cant understand.... Then go to no contact with her .

[Dank]

Well tell her under influence i was complete idiot but threatening to leave is a complete over statement and are a child for saying that .. if you love me you'd hang on to me

[Horseyguy]

Just thank your blessing you didn't call her some random guys name

[Cinnabella]

Don't you get it? To a woman it hurts So bad, in the hard times she would want to be your supporter, the person that you would lay on and blahblah, but he called his Ex wife name instead. Who would want that? Stop the bs of telling him to get out of the relationship with only this problem.

You better talk to her clearly aboit it, have a really open conversation and find out why she's reacting this way. Or find help from counsellor.

[Cinnabella]

I think it might be something concern to ... When you are drunk, it's when you are totally honest.... Get it? She might Thi nk so.

[surfhb]

Don't you get it? To a woman it hurts So bad, in the hard times she would want to be your supporter, the person that you would lay on and blahblah, but he called his Ex wife name instead. Who would want that? Stop the bs of telling him to get out of the relationship with only this problem.

You better talk to her clearly aboit it, have a really open conversation and find out why she's reacting this way. Or find help from counsellor.

Shes been carrying on this way for months. He already has talked to her clearly. I can understand a woman being upset if it were a reoccurring thing but it obviously was a simple mistake. He was married for 16 years also. Mature people dont act this way....really they dont

[Cinnabella]

Shes been carrying on this way for months. He already has talked to here clearly. I can understand a woman being upset if it were a reoccurring thing but it obviously was a simple mistake. He was married for 16 years also. Mature people dont act this way....really they dont

How could she know that it was a mistake or she might think he was still longing to the ex wife. You can read his mind? She can't too. This is nothing to do with mature. She's just upset and seem can't get over it just ... yet. That's all. And anyone that tell him to leave her because of this problem is very Patient and Mature. Being sacarstic.

[ConniptionFit]

How could she know that it was a mistake or she might think he was still longing to the ex wife.

He told her.

.

You can read his mind? She can't too. This is nothing to do with mature. She's just upset and seem can't get over it just ... yet. That's all. And anyone that tell him to leave her because of this is very patient and Mature.

This is a pain-in-the-ass attitude, which guys with any self-esteem eventually get sick of... which would also explain your circumstances.

[Cinnabella]

He told her.

.

This is a pain-in-the-ass attitude, which guys with any self-esteem eventually get sick of... which would also explain your circumstances.

What the heck does explain my circumstance mean? Self esteem or over confident, ahem.

[ConniptionFit]

Okay op, just leave the ****ing bitch, is that okay confident guys? Normally over confident guys make me sick of their boasting without any real reason for boasting.

There's a huge difference between being overconfident and understanding the boundaries of a healthy relationship.

Obviously, you have no idea of what a healthy relationship requires... which explains your circumstances.