Need your opinion :)

[maxmax]

What would you expect her to do, stay with him and be mis-treated. It takes a lot more than "love" to make a relationship a happy one. People leave someone they love every day because of alcoholism, drug abuse, infidelity, physical abuse, etc and as in OP's case neglect.

I didn't read anything about being mistreated.

The way she explained it makes it sound as though she didn't really want to leave him, but did so to get more attention from him i.e. him chasing after her etc.

That to me seems like playing games, and the point I am making is if you love someone, you don't mess them around like that.

I've now read on and I see she's explained her situation in a bit more detail.

[KatieK]

my conclusion of my situation is this:
we were in the relationship for almost 2 years, he made mistakes, i made mistakes, i overreacted and broke up with him, it didnt make him wanna talk or compromise, he was just hurt and his ego was hurt...after six months I realized that it wasnt all his fault...but he didnt want anything to do with me..

now, after 2.5 years, when he invited me for a drink, and when he kissed me, i thought, yes, maybe now when we are both cooled down and we dont talk about the past anymore...maybe now we can have a second chance?

and, although it was a relationship where we both had to compromise and try to understand the other more, i thought, NOW WE WILL HAVE A CHANCE TO TRY AGAIN, now when we both are more mature and when we learned some things in life...

that was my thinking...

but considering that 3 weeks after that nice talk and this beautiful romantic kiss, he didnt call me again...made me think that maybe he is not willing to give it another try...

thats all...

this limerence term is new for me, ill definitely have a look!it looks interesting!

btw from this monday i have started my own business and i am so happy i just wish i could solve this problem with him!

ah yeah, one more thing, this definitely wasn't a sex relationship!we weren't f... buddies, thats not the case.

ah well, i guess it means that i still have to read more books, work on myself and hope that all this happened for a reason and that soon something nice will finally happen

i feel better now, once i shared all this thoughts with you

thanks again

[KatieK]

I didn't read anything about being mistreated.

The way she explained it makes it sound as though she didn't really want to leave him, but did so to get more attention from him i.e. him chasing after her etc.

That to me seems like playing games, and the point I am making is if you love someone, you don't mess them around like that.

I've now read on and I see she's explained her situation in a bit more detail.

Believe me, I wasn't playing games, because I am quite impulsive and i react straight away...i wish i wasnt...

I just hoped that after all that trouble and pain of separation...and admitting that we both made mistakes...with this kiss he meant, ok, lets drop all this behind and try again...i guess i was wrong...or he needs more time to make the next step?

ah...

[HeartIsAching]

Believe me, I wasn't playing games, because I am quite impulsive and i react straight away...i wish i wasnt...

I just hoped that after all that trouble and pain of separation...and admitting that we both made mistakes...with this kiss he meant, ok, lets drop all this behind and try again...i guess i was wrong...or he needs more time to make the next step?

ah...

That *is* game-playing.

[KatieK]

What exactly???

Sorry but im not getting it...

You do not believe in second chance?Do u think that now he is playing games with me?

[HeartIsAching]

Believe me, I wasn't playing games, because I am quite impulsive and i react straight away...i wish i wasnt...

I just hoped that after all that trouble and pain of separation...and admitting that we both made mistakes...with this kiss he meant, ok, lets drop all this behind and try again...i guess i was wrong...or he needs more time to make the next step?

ah...

Instead of communicating with him, you punished him, hoping he'd do what you want. This is the very essence of game playing. You were hoping to bludgeon him into compliance. When that didn't work, you felt bad - not remorse, you felt bad for YOURSELF, because you'd lost him.

What Wakeup said was also true - you were accepting the scraps he gave you, and that's not right either.

[KatieK]

It wasn't really like that, we did talk, i did try to explain how i would like to progress with our relationship, but he didn't want to compromise...and he had his own contribution to the breakup...

At the end of the day it will be what is meant to be...but i am not getting why in your opinion, isnt possible that two people, after they were together, both made mistakes, get back together and try again?

I admit my mistakes, and I accept my part of the guilt, I am not escaping from my mistakes, not at all, at the end, the reason why am I accepting this kind of behavior from his side (like u said taking scraps) is because i felt that i kind of deserved it...but once this lets call it punishment is done, i thought that maybe we could move on?together..

[Wakeup]

In my not so humble opinion this guy was playing you from the beginning, OP. If you told him exactly what you wanted and he refused to deliver then you were right to break up with him. The only wrong thing (IMO) you did that was a diservice TO YOURSELF was you hoped that breaking up with him would get his ass in gear to give you what you finally realized what you wanted, instead of simply breaking up and getting on with your life.

Perhaps you could clarify if you actually asked this man for what you would like to have with him and he made his answer clear to you. On Edit: I see you've explained so, playing games was not what you did... as I said you did yourself a disservice though by hoping the breakup would motivate him to give you what you wanted. Well, it didn't so just put that to rest and learn to not expect a breakup to help you garner someone.

I don't think it's important to the end result because it appears he was never on the same page as you and likely never will be.

Chalk it up as a wonderful sexual relationship that has run it's course and learn from it. In the future so that you communicate your needs openly and if what you want and what they want are not the same thing then NEXT them so that you can find someone who meets the same dating goals as yourself. Make sure you know what you want or you'll never be able to figure it out while you accept stuff that's not satisfactory.

Go no contact, he'll keep you hooked with some sort of sexual addiction if you keep letting him come back just long enough to stoke the fire once again.

i thought that maybe we could move on?together..

But you realize now that he's not wanting what you want, right?

[HeartIsAching]

In my not so humble opinion this guy was playing you from the beginning, OP. If you told him exactly what you wanted and he refused to deliver then you were right to break up with him. The only wrong thing (IMO) you did that was a diservice TO YOURSELF was you hoped that breaking up with him would get his ass in gear to give you what you finally realized what you wanted, instead of simply breaking up and getting on with your life.

Perhaps you could clarify if you actually asked this man for what you would like to have with him and he made his answer clear to you.

I don't think it's important to the end result because it appears he was never on the same page as you and likely never will be.

Chalk it up as a wonderful sexual relationship that has run it's course and learn from it in the future to communicate you needs openly and if what you want and what they want are not the same thing then NEXT them so that you can find someone who meets the same dating goals as yourself. Make sure you know what you want or you'll never be able to figure it out while you accept stuff that's not satisfactory.

Go no contact, he'll keep you hooked with some sort of sexual addiction if you keep letting him come back just long enough to stoke the fire once again.

I think you're right there.