Money hungry girlfriend – She says she wants me to pay her rent, or else NO SEX!

[oldskool83]

freeloader comes to mind, dont be a freeloader and ask what can you help pay for. normaly ground rules would be set down early and maybe she was thinking you would help out more maybe cooking or doing laundry or helping with a child if she has one can go way farther then any amount of cash giving.

[scott green]

No one at 34 could possibly be so stupid. You must be trolling.

How am I being stupid? Is my name on the rent agreement? No, it's not my flat. So why should I have to pay for it? No I'm not trolling. I just wanted some good advice on how to make my girlfriend see some sense, as I think asking me to pay for her flat when it's HER flat is totally wrong.

[oldskool83]

if your living there ya should help pay, if your not then dont pay. its that simple. im guessing you pay no rent at home reason your still there.

[scott green]

That's what people do, plain and simple. If you were the one who had the place and your girlfriend was crashing with you, you'd probably appreciate it if she did the same for you.

I don't see it that way. If I had my own flat I wouldnt expect her to pay my rent, and she never offered my mom any money towards rent on the days she stayed over at mine. Maybe I just dont get the issue here, because I always thought you payed for your OWN place, and only started paying both if you moved into a house / flat where you were both down as owning / renting / living, as that would be equal. Is my name down on the rent agreement? no. So why should I pay some of my hard-earned wages for something that's not even mine?

[romantic_guy]

On one hand, I don't think your girlfriend knows how to communicate very well. Withholding sex is not a way to communicate. On the other hand, she should expect anyone who loves in her home to contribute to the cost. When we had our adult son living with us he paid rent and helped pay for the food he ate. Why? It is the adult thing to do. You may not have been paying for room and board at home but you should have. Why should you expect your mother to pay your way as an adult? I think your attitude should be a big red flag to your girlfriend. You asked for our advice. You got it. You may not like it, but you ask any competent professional counselor and they will tell you the same thing.

[scott green]

if your living there ya should help pay, if your not then dont pay. its that simple. im guessing you pay no rent at home reason your still there.

Yea, probably the reason I never got my own place. Why would I ever want to move when I get 3 hot meals a day, all my clothes cleaned and ironed, and have my own room, and not have to pay a penny? It's really great living here. Since I met my girlfriend, it's pretty much the longest I've not lived here for.

[qwertz]

So let me get this straight - I should pay for half of HER rent? Why should I? She was paying all it before I moved in, so she's not any worse off. Also, I HAVE given her money towards food every now and then, even though I don't think I should have to.

Because YOU moved in WITH her. You both live there regardless of who is on the rent agreement. I recently moved in with a bf into HIS place, but because i moved in WITH him, i paid half of the rent/bills etc.

[searock]

Yea, probably the reason I never got my own place. Why would I ever want to move when I get 3 hot meals a day, all my clothes cleaned and ironed, and have my own room, and not have to pay a penny? It's really great living here. Since I met my girlfriend, it's pretty much the longest I've not lived here for.

Guys, he's clearly a troll!

[tremolo]

I don't see it that way. If I had my own flat I wouldnt expect her to pay my rent, and she never offered my mom any money towards rent on the days she stayed over at mine. Maybe I just dont get the issue here, because I always thought you payed for your OWN place, and only started paying both if you moved into a house / flat where you were both down as owning / renting / living, as that would be equal. Is my name down on the rent agreement? no. So why should I pay some of my hard-earned wages for something that's not even mine?

romantic_guy is right. You should pay for something that's 'not even yours' because you love your girlfriend and you want to show her you care about her and are willing to take care OF her. Also, you would want to show her that you're not taking advantage of her hospitality, which you presently are. Of course she didn't pay your mom anything on the days she spent the night at your place because she was an occasional guest. You, however, have crossed the line from being a guest to being an inhabitant. Moreover, since she's no longer staying with you, things are not balancing out the way they normally would in a relationship.

I can't stress enough that she is not your mom - nor should she be - and that you should probably start acting like a grown man if you want any woman to put out for you and take you seriously. It's true that your girlfriend is being manipulative by withholding sex, but honestly, it sounds like that's the only thing that will get through to you. Otherwise, she'll just be a mother-figure who spreads her legs for you. Probably ideal for you, but not so much for her since she seems to be getting very little in return.

[Leona77]

Yea, probably the reason I never got my own place. Why would I ever want to move when I get 3 hot meals a day, all my clothes cleaned and ironed, and have my own room, and not have to pay a penny? It's really great living here. Since I met my girlfriend, it's pretty much the longest I've not lived here for.

Honestly? If you like your life so much, you don't need a girlfriend to begin with. There is one problem though- you can't have sex with your mommy, can you? THIS IS EXACTLY WHY your relationship to your girlfriend is different than the one to your mom.

First you try to portrait your gf like a prostitute only to win eveyone at your side. I think you are distorting the issue. I think she is trying to get some sense into you by telling you that the relationship (i.e. having sex) is at risk because of your behaviour/attachment to your mom and her properties of a 'housekeeper/maid'... I am sure she did not say it with those exact words to you that she wanted you to pay for sex....I think you are taking her words out of context...You need to emphasize what she means by it,not pointing out the literal words!
I think that she is trying to make you realize that you need to grow up and start looking after yourself AND she wants you to committ to the next level- to move it together, but she might not be doing it in a quite right way...I personally think she is wasting her time as you don't seem to be ready for it because you don't even understand what that means...The fact that you never sat down officially to sign a contract for rent together does not mean that you have not been living in her flat. Simple as that.
So, NO, it is NOT ok that your mom walked in whan you had sex. Any adult would have a problem with that, especaially if you have the ability to move out. I am not concerned about your stinginess, but rather by your attachment to your mom at the age of 34. That is a big problem for any girlfriend, regardless of if you pay rent or not. Your mommy issues seem to be a bigger problem to your stinginess and I would concantrate on that.
I have moved out of my parents' place 10 years ago. Even when I go to visit now and then, out of love & appreciation I buy some food or other stuff that they need for the house... You, on the other hand are treating you mom and your gf with disrespect. The only difference is your mom is not complaining which makes you believe it's the right thing to do...It is most certainly NOT!

[Boisdevie]

When my former GF lived with me she paid her 50 percent of the bills - because anything less is just freeloading. And if she's paying rent on a flat then it's not actually her flat is it as in not her property.
And quite frankly a grown man of 34 living with his mum? Grow some balls, learn to iron and get a life.

[steviej]

Lmao!!

Well played scott, you got them biting about that one ahahaha!

[oldskool83]

when my gf moved into my house she offered to help pay for things, she bought food and paid for heating oil for use to stay warm. i didnt make her pay half of my mortage, thats unfair, but you both a bath and took a shit there and ate there so money for that would be wise, not ever paying rent i can understand why your thinking this.

im starting to think theres a bigger problem here, your use to moms way of life, failure to launch. id say your a good 10 years in the nest too long. gf might be fed up cuz shes seeing the bigger picture. a tight relationship with mom she could be competing against.

if you had said you lost a job and a home and had to move in for X amount of months to get back on your feet id be thinking a differnt tune. i would not wanna live at home even if mom did feed me 7 days a week and wash my clothing. im domesticated for a guy, i say you learn some of that. women like that in a guy who can take care of himself.

[DoesntMatter]

Guys, he's clearly a troll!

lol, sure is

[scott green]

Ok, I just bought a new car in cash, because I've got a lot of savings, and my girlfriends been in my car everyday since I bought it. So Should I ask her for half the money for it, given your arguments about why I should be paying HER rent? No. Another thing, if I was giving her Hundreds of pounds every month towards HER bills and rent and rubbish I wouldn't be able to put so much each month away to save for things like new cars and stuff, so surely she can see why I really dont want to be paying for HER bills. Thinking about it sensibly, she is paying the exact same for rent and electricity and heating and stuff whether I'm there or not, so I don't see how she can expect me to pay towards it when she pays the same amount even if I'm not there.

. Of course she didn't pay your mom anything on the days she spent the night at your place because she was an occasional guest. You, however, have crossed the line from being a guest to being an inhabitant. Moreover, since she's no longer staying with you, things are not balancing out the way they normally would.

So I guess what I should be asking is what the cut off point is between being a guest and inhabiting? If I stay at hers 3 days, and still say my main place I live is my moms, will it be unreasonable of her to ask me for any rent then?*