This thread is like watching the blind leading the blind.
@ Funguy - you had 8 years to figure out what you want. Now that's she's gone you only want what you can't have. Unless you do something drastic like a marriage proposal, I doubt she's coming back. She might even be stringing you along simply b/c she can. Like you did to her all those years. The opposite of love isnt hate--its indifference. Learn your lesson and be kinder to your partners: either be honest and let them go when you know its not going anywhere, or make a commitment when you find something good.
@ Trinidadx - you already know your answer. This really says it all, doesn't it:
she's a little older, and struggling. Wow!!!!
So, all this time he can treat me like shit, but feel compassion for her.
All you are doing now is killing time until that hate turns to indifference, like I told FG. If it helps, he doesn't really feel compassion for her, he sounds like one of those men that likes to think of themselves as 'a good guy', but really he's entirely driven by selfishness. He'll be treating her like crap before she knows it. Feel sorry for her, and those kids.
Good luck to you both.
Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
--Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh