Attracting a new type of man.

[JadenMia]

Yes, i agree. I know i shouldnt feel this way, when i speak to my friend about it i know it frustrates the crap out of her because she doesnt understand why i could still love him like this.. I cant really call it love... Its more that i am attatched to him still. But you are so right, that is exactly how it went with us. He would act in unfair ways, i would start to complain, he would fight against me, then we would actually fight, then i would cry, then we would make up.
The contrast between that complete devastation i felt when he would scream abuse at me, pull my hair or just plainly make fun of me and watch me cry.. To when he would hold me, tell me loves me and then we would have sex. The contrast between those feelings is what i think i was actually addicted to in some way.. Just a f*cked up situation.

I am a lot better than i was, i still miss him in a way, but i am not so brain washed by the things he used to tell me. What type of girl i was, how people thought of me, what other peoples intentions were if they were nice to me and how i viewed other people because of what he told me.. I realise now that he is completely full of shit. Before, i used to think he knew everything and now its kind of laughable. lol

I have been talking about going back to therapy, i think it will help me a little bit... Hopefully. I know where and what i want to have in my life now.. I just need to be able to put my feelings and actions with those hopes.

Like i say, the sadness i feel comes and goes.. Which is what makes me feel so confused.

To add, about the guy i called him tonight and told him how i felt. And what i told you guys.. I explained everything exactly, that i felt nervous when he text me lovey dovey things without really knowing me etc.. He said he will try to act cool and back off a little, but he cant help it because i am always on his mind. LOL Sigh. We will see how it goes.

[bcgirl]

Yes, i agree. I know i shouldnt feel this way, when i speak to my friend about it i know it frustrates the crap out of her because she doesnt understand why i could still love him like this.. I cant really call it love... Its more that i am attatched to him still. But you are so right, that is exactly how it went with us. He would act in unfair ways, i would start to complain, he would fight against me, then we would actually fight, then i would cry, then we would make up.
The contrast between that complete devastation i felt when he would scream abuse at me, pull my hair or just plainly make fun of me and watch me cry.. To when he would hold me, tell me loves me and then we would have sex. The contrast between those feelings is what i think i was actually addicted to in some way.. Just a f*cked up situation.

I think it's because you deep down want to "fix" his bad behaviour by making up with him because you want to hear that he is "truly sorry and will never do that again". You want to believe it so bad that you keep on giving him chance after chance to prove himself. To make all those wrongs into a right again. You know where certain fights will lead (him abusing you), but you push those limits in hope that perhaps this time he won't cross that line and he will in fact act in a better manner this time around....he doesn't, and so the cycle continues. You keep chasing the hope that you can change this man into someone better and that one day he will be able to erase all the trauma that he put you through by making it up to you in some elaborate way. He never will be capable of erasing that pain he has put you through...and so you keep chasing a hope that will never exist so you can prove to yourself that he's your prince charming.

[MerryH]

To add, about the guy i called him tonight and told him how i felt. And what i told you guys.. I explained everything exactly, that i felt nervous when he text me lovey dovey things without really knowing me etc.. He said he will try to act cool and back off a little, but he cant help it because i am always on his mind. LOL Sigh. We will see how it goes.

I don't like it. He either does not understand boundaries, or he just does not respect them at all. The proper response to "It makes me nervous when you are overly affectionate" is not "Okay, but I only do it because I'M ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT YOUUUU." Keep an eye on this one.

[IndiReloaded]

Have you ever made a list of what you want from a partner? I know lists aren't for a lot of folks but, hey, if you want to get someplace new you should stop going where you are headed.

That was lamer than my usual, but you get the idea.