Help me stop affair with a married man

[VincenzoG91]

It takes two to tango, and once she knew this guy was married, she had a choice to leave or share in the guilt.

[IndiReloaded]

....and unfortunately I feel close to zero guilt about wife and children at this point.

Well, you could just be an asshole. Some people really don't care how their actions affect others. Some do, but can't control themselves. If you're the former, then karma will inevitably bite back, so shrug. But your 'unfortunately' makes me think you do care. You're just that desperate right now. The more you think about this, the more you'll come around. I'm sure of it, you wouldn't be posting here otherwise.

[Wakeup]

No 'addict' wants to stop. It's not that I WANT to stop talking to him. I NEED to stop. I know this can't be good for me or anyone involved.

I never really wanted to post here because I didn't want to see that this is NOT GOOD for me. I wanted to keep lying to myself.....and deep down Im still wishing I could be with him. At least now I'm trying to accept that this is a problem and not what I need.

Thank you guys for your posts. It helps.

"No addict wants to stop?" Sorry, but that's the talk of the addictive. Of course there are lots of addicts that want to stop, unfortunately they usually don't when they have such an enabler as this guy who uses you for a warm wet place to masturbate bi-monthly O.o... How do you feel when he spends all the major holidays with his wife? You've not hit your rock bottom yet however; it would appear you're getting close.

As was said, you are just as guilty as he is even though you're not married yourself. This is not like he lied to you about his marital status. (although it appears you were cheating on your ex fiance whom I assume you promised sexual exclusivity/monogamy to).

Anyway, I do believe that you're slowly hitting your personal rock bottom, the pain of being No.2 is getting to you and you're looking for a way to rehab from your drug of choice. Cold turkey withdrawl, doll. Tis the only way to break this perpetual state of LIMERENCE you have found yourself suffering from and addicted to.

Help yourself through the craving by doing things that will give you personal validation that does not include getting it by him gracing you with his presence for another bout of sex. New classes, reading about what ails you, join a co-ed sports team, join groups that interest you... anything that will improve you as a person in general, keep your mind accupied on something other than your last fk session and help you to withddrawl. You can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results for yourself.

You know you need to recoup your personal joy, you really do. Now you just need to get to it and get to it before you're reduced to the equivalent of a street alcholic who is hooked on a prick who is getting his cake and eating it too and leaving you alone and lonely on all the good holidays.

Have you thought of doing some therapy to see why you're afraid of commitment so you use another woman's husband knowing that you'll never have to actually commit to him as long as he's committed to someone else?

[IndiReloaded]

Hyperbole much, Wakeup? Yikes.

Anyway Sarah, you're just going to have to suck it up and dump him. At least try. The first time, mbe 2nd, 3rd even it won't stick. But if you can increase the time you avoid him, eventually you'll reach a tipping point where you can finally say 'ah, screw this--what a waste of my life'--and mean it. But you must start someplace, yes?

Kick him to the curb right now. It will feel good, he's a cheater he deserves it.

[vashti]

....and unfortunately I feel close to zero guilt about wife and children at this point.

I doubt you would feel so removed if you looked them in the eye. You have just managed to depersonalized them. If you really felt no guilt at all, you wouldn't feel the need to break things off with him, would you?

[Wakeup]

I think she feels the need to break up with him because he's not giving her the relationship along with the sex and it's hurting her when he leaves her till the next time and doesn't want her for more then their sessions. She's lonely except for when he's there for the few hours he gives her.

I don't believe that those that can pre-meditately cheat feel guilt for wronging the spouse of their lover even if they do look them in the eye if their affair is ongoing for any length of time. I tend to think that the self-serving simply don't care.