Do Romantic Friendships work/last? Are they a good idea?

[MenCanScissor]

Thanks. The advice has been pretty spot on, and has steered me in the direction I've most likely deep down wanted to go anyway. But also the advice has been really insightful and helpful working through some thoughts. Hopefully things work out well.

[IndiReloaded]

I kind of assume it is a really bad idea. And I suppose it is certainly a form of cheating. I had mostly unselfishly told her that if she wasn't happy with her boyfriend, she should break up with him, instead of just not taking much interest in her relationship. It didn't seem fair to him, and he was pretty much blowing her off constantly anyway. She and her boyfriend ended up breaking up over the weekend. But I won't be pursuing her as a girlfriend whatsoever. Now that she's single, even though I'm a attracted to her and like her very much, I'm not sure that it would be a good idea to go after her physically at all. It's very hard to resist the temptation though.

So many threads on here from guys like you who realized too late they had a thing for their female friend--but only once the gal started dating someone else.

Whatever you want to call it--love, connection, etc--its clear you two are more than just friends. To put it bluntly: friends don't want to **** friends. So my advice is: if you are a good friend, you want to be careful you don't end up being her rebound clown. I think that it would be a shame to make turn a good friendship into a no-strings thing, aside from the high chance one of you will end up shredded if you go that route.

My advice is to spend time with her, no sex just a gradual step up in romance. Get to know each other in this new light and explore how it fits with what you already are to each other. If you are truly friends, you'll take care not to hurt each other. It make take several weeks/months, but eventually you, together, should be able t decide whether to take things to a physical, longer term relationship or just remain friends. If you end up in bed tho, I can almost guarantee the friendship ends. Some doors are one-way only. Depends how important it really is to you, I guess.

Good luck.

[MenCanScissor]

Good advice.

This is the biggest bummer ever though:

If you end up in bed tho, I can almost guarantee the friendship ends.

But I've always kind of wondered how you go on being friends with a person after you've had sex with them. Especially if you have to introduce your future partners to them as "the friend I had sex with". That would seem somewhat problematic.

[dj454]

Indereloaded is right. I made the mistake of sleeping with a friend after my wife left. We were both in between relationships. It was fun at the time but when we started dating others my friend warned me I should not tell or my girlfriend would be jealous. She didn't tell her man but I felt honesty was the best policy so when my girlfriend asked if my friend and I had slept together I ended up telling her. She said she was fine with us stilll being friends but she wasn't. She would read our texts and harass me all the time. I don't even speak to my friend anymore because it's just easier. I wish I hadn't slept with her now because eventually I lost a friend because of it.

[MenCanScissor]

I've never once stayed friends with a person I've slept with either. Though this girl in question seems to think it's possible. I haven't really asked her if she currently has friends she's slept with. It's not a big deal to me, as long as she seems to be a trustworthy person. I could see where it would be a huge problem for others though. In the end, I think it shouldn't have been a big deal to your girlfriend as long as she could trust you, and she didn't have trust issues. Sounds like that was not the case. Hopefully I can just avoid having the "friend I've slept with" thing happening.

Damn. loveforum.net is super depressing, haha. I guess anything with the word love in it has to be. Part of the game.