Am I crazy?

[Am I crazy?]

Ladies,

Again, I appreciate your feedback but you just don’t seem to understand where I am coming from. I have been trying to rekindle my marriage for over five years. How much longer should I try if it’s not working? Again, I do love my wife and we actually have a very good relationship, it’s just not a romantic relationship. If I follow your advice it seems I should shun this other woman from my life and resolve myself to a life of comfort and companionship but devoid of passion and romance. Counseling? Not for us. Between dating and marriage we have been together over 20 years and know each other more inside and out than any therapist could ever discover. My wife is a wonderful person but simply has no interest in romance or intimacy. She has discussed her lack of interest with her gyno doc and there are no medical complications. She is a very happy person in general but has just discovered that she is content with the way things are and does not need intimacy in her life to be happy. I do. Again, I am not referring to sex but more an intimacy of the mind and spirit.

Look, I don’t know what the answers are but I do know that I came to this forum looking for advice on how to address my feelings and evaluate my future. I am not looking for permission to cheat on my wife. I am not some hormone enraged dude looking for a fling.

Perhaps I have either come to the wrong place or have been unable to convey my true feelings. Yes, I do love my wife and my life but sometimes you just have to stop and ask why God has put somebody into your life. Is this other woman there to help me appreciate what I already have? Or is she in my life to show me that whether it is her or somebody else that I do not have to settle for a life with no spark or passion. I don’t know the answer at this time but perhaps over time the answer will be revealed.

Again, I appreciate your advice but I think there are just a bit too many "keyboard" therapists here that are just too eager to pass judgment on me and make me out to be an unfaithful husband and a cheater. Thanks again for your time but I think I could be better served just following my heart and seeing where it leads me.

Good bye.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

If you have been trying to rekindle the relationship for 5 years and its not working, then you are not happily married as you proclaimed to be in your first post, and you should just leave. You shouldn't try any longer. Five years is enough. Leave your wife and hook up with this new chick.

Basically, you are a pussy.

[Wakeup]

... yes and then watch HER libido skyrocket once you're gone and she finds a new man for herself.

Just go Op. You're looking for a female to give you permission, well you've got mine. She should be wanting to and getting laid just as much as you are and you do and a new partner is likely just the ticket to rekindle her mojo.

Good luck to both of you.

[HeartIsAching]

I have been trying to rekindle my marriage for over five years. How much longer should I try if it’s not working?

Have you told her that it's important to you? Have you tried to get her to go to marriage counseling with you? Are you the only one trying?

You can't "fix" this without her help, particularly if she doesn't feel it needs to be fixed. If you are just looking for permission to go, then just do it.

[IndiReloaded]

Did you even read Will Harley's site? No? How about this one then:

www.onlywhatiwanttohear.com

I'm divorced. We never cheated. We are wonderful co-parents and, because we ended our marriage with mutual respect, we are friendly, if not friends. Remember the aphorism: It ends the way it begins. This will be true of your next relationship if you start it as an affair.

You might also want to pay attention to my signature quote. Is any woman worth losing your self-respect for? Your wifes? Your children's or family's? They may not realize now what you are doing, but they will someday. What about god's, since you say you believe? Ever consider this is a test of your faith? Karma *always* comes back for her share. Beware.

Noone is saying you can't be with your love. But have the self-control and respect to end things with dignity for *everyone* involved. Good luck.

[MsMaccoby]

I agree with BackUpOrGetStng, you are not 'happily married' - I think this and a couple of others bits in your first message, plus the fact that certain kinds of issues come up again and again on this forum, led the reader into thinking your issue was something that it was not. At least, *in part*. Anyway, if you really shared this prob with your wife, and its sheer magnitude, then surely she cannot be happy either, despite you describing her as 'content' and 'happy in general'. As with everything, in the end it's up to you, but you knew that anyway. Good luck...

[michelle23]

If your just hoping we would say end your marriage-then do it. Deep down that is what you want but at least have enough respect for your wife not to get with anyone else for awhile. Give her some time to heal first before she has to hear about your new love.

[michelle23]

BTW it doesnt matter how much you and your wife know each other. You have grown apart and I dont know why you are so against counselling. It could teach you a lot such as your different love languages, where you went wrong, how to rekindle the passion and avoid this happening again. It could bring you closer than you have ever been but it is your choice.

[searock]

I think the notion that I am some sort of an emotional cheater is a bit rediculous.

Yet it is exactly what you are. You have romantic feelings for a woman that is not your wife, this means that you are emotionally cheating on her. Don't take it as an insult, it's just a phrase that describes your situation.

I agree with most of what the others said, I also would like to add specifically that I think you should tell your wife about your feelings for the other woman. You need to get through this together - IF you want to save your marriage that is.

[michelle23]

i wonder how this situation turned out or turns out. i read through it all again and i think you got some really good advice here. instead of being defensive, perhaps you should listen to it. it was genuine decent advice with NO malice or anger and it would be great if you could save your marriage after all this time.

all the issues are fixable but i think you need to let her no how crappy you feel and communicate what you need. tell her you dont want to carry on this marriage unless you can rekindle the romance.

i really do hope you get rid of your crush and put all that energy into fixing this with your wife

[Am I crazy?]

This is easy to answer. I have done absolutely nothing about it. I ignored all of your advice and claims of an "emotional affair" and have just been letting things work themselves out on their own. My relationship with my wife is still as strong as ever and I am still good friends with the other woman. Again, I had no plans to leave my wife then, or cheat and have none now. However, had I followed the "advice" offered and confessed an "emotional affair" or left my wife who knows what would have happened. I was just looking for a sounding board for how I was feeling and I did not find it here instead I was judged for actions that never occurred and were not happening. that's my story, I will no longer discuss it here, thanks for asking.

[Wakeup]

.. but are ya getting any? :o)

[stev123]

.. but are ya getting any? :o)

Naughty

[Wakeup]

... ...

(lolzz)

[michelle23]

you were not "judged" we were telling you what is going on and you didnt like it. i said i understand how your feeling but right now thats not the biggest issue which is why i focused on your infatuation of another woman which could potentially send 23 years of marriage down the toilet.

i was genuinly trying to help you.. as were others here. i dont think doing nothing will resolve your situation but best of luck

i no my advice wont be taken by you so i wont waste my time but i really do hope you and your wife can save your marriage together and hopefully soon youll realize being "friends" with the OW is wrong