Ladies, am I being too critical of his female friendships?

[michelle23]

Nobody is saying he should give her up for his new gf. Were saying she should not waste her time on him coz he already has a relationship with his best friend. He does everything with her that a normal guy does with a gf apart from have sex and i bet he would if given the chance. Men dont get all pally pally with a woman unless he wants her as his gf. She prob threw him in the friends pile-not the other way round.

Anyway he doesnt have to choose. She should just forget him and find a man who doesnt want to be some bitches emotional tampon or gay best friend

[HeheMan]

You do understand that we are talking about female "best friends"?

I don't care what gender, size, shape, or color they are. Obviously if someone is my best friend I have known them for a number of years and they are very close and have been there for me. Someone I'm in a "relationship" with I might have only known a few months, and the relationship may only last a year, two years, three years, etc. Why would I throw away my best friend for an insecure, entitled woman? lol No way!

And if our relationship does have "future potential"... then she would care about me enough to accept my best friend and also become friends with that person.

Oh for gawds sake hehe man go and get some therapy or get hypnotised to turn yourself gay co z u obviously have many issues with women.

lol, What "issues"? Do you mean how I don't agree with someone just because they're a woman?

[HeheMan]

Men dont get all pally pally with a woman unless he wants her as his gf.

She should just forget him and find a man who doesnt want to be some bitches emotional tampon or gay best friend

You are sexist and dumb and have zero understanding of men.

Just saying.

[michelle23]

Most people on this forum wouldagree with what i just said. Its not sexist-its reality. Look at all the other threads on here about best friends of the opposite sex.

Some women are naive-they think he wants to just be her friend-then she finds out years later hes always had feelings for her. Thats why he became her friend in the first place in the hope that it could me more but then she puts him in the friends zone coz he takes too long to ask her out but one day she may realize that the only thing missing from their "friendship" is sex and starts wondering "would we be good together"

you cant be that close to someone without it getting complicated and confusing at some point

[HeheMan]

Most people on this forum wouldagree with what i just said. Its not sexist-its reality. Look at all the other threads on here about best friends of the opposite sex.

Apparently there are lots of insecure/entitled people.

you cant be that close to someone without it getting complicated and confusing at some point

Yes you can - as long as you're not dumb and immature.

[Wakeup]

Ladies: You're trying to get your point across to a man who has never been in love for the long haul. No point continuing. He's a mysonginist to boot (i'm thinking once burnt, twice shy) so that clouds the issue even further.

Op: You're with the wrong man. Find someone who thinks like you or is willing to grow the relationship to the point where he sees your point and will willingly cut back or completely out, the one-on-one date like activities with his opposite sex friends. You're hardly a SIGNIFICANT other if the only thing that separates you from your bf's female friend is sex.

[HeheMan]

Ladies: You're trying to get your point across to a man who has never been in love for the long haul.

Says who, you?

He's a mysonginist to boot (i'm thinking once burnt, twice shy)

Lol, eyeroll. Yes, pointing out that people who try to control who their partner is friends with are insecure is so "misogynist" of me. You just don't like what I have to say, but can't think of a good counter-point, so you're resorting to insults and worse, like a lowly pathetic person, you are trying to assassinate my character by calling me a "misogynist". Coming from the woman who sees cheating husbands in every shadow, that sort of comment is very YAWN...

I'll let my girlfriend know right away that she's dating a woman-hater. lol

[HeheMan]

Secure, mature people don't need to control who their SO is friends with.

/debate

This Public Service Announcement brought to you by the Local Loveforum.net Misogynist (lol)

[searock]

Secure, mature people don't need to control who their SO is friends with.

If you bothered reading the replies, you would have noticed that nobody said anything about controlling who their SO is friends with.

We have all just told the OP to not embark in any more dates with a guy who is already in an emotional relationship with another girl: there's simply no point.

Nobody said that you should give up your friendships when you get in a relationship with someone. The point is that IF you are in a strong, healthy, loving relationship with a person, that person is your best friend. It doesn't mean you can't have any other friends (male or female). Just that the emotional connection you have with your SO is superior and stronger and more intimate than the one you have with any other of your friends, i.e. your SO is your best friend. This type of connection obviously takes time to grow.

How old are you, and how many long-term relationships have you been in, HeheMan?

[lalalita]

Thank you all so much for these great replies!

I'll clear a few things up which make alot of the points made here VERY valid.

I have been involved with this man since September 2012. This man and I have discussed our mutual desire to be married and have children (he has expressed multiple times that he could see me being the mother of his children, that I am "everything he has ever wanted", and if we were to finally be in a "official" relationship he would want to "have me ring and all") What is so alarming is that with how serious he talks (rings, marriage, babies) he expects to still hold onto these close female relationships, namely his "best friend". I 100% agree that a man's "best friend" should be the woman he is involved *long term* with. I certainely would not be married to this man, raising his children while he does not consider me his best friend/other half/soul mate etc. I can't imagine taking a back seat to another woman when a relationship is that serious.

Grant it, if these things did come about in the future with him, he may "see the light" on his own and realize that the connection *we* have far surpasses the connection with his "sis"...and that those days are over. BUT...that is such a risk.

I'm also uncomfortable in this situation because I am not about to be judged, interviewed or "approved" of by this girl. (I have never met her, she honestly could be a very very sweet girl. I'm just speaking from a general stand point. I know I tend to judge girls my older brother gets involved with because I am looking out for him.)

UHHHG.

[HeheMan]

Hey guys, all men are only friends with women they want to sleep with. If you disagree then you're a misogynist!

If you don't let a woman decide who you can and can't be friends with - you're a misogynist!

[HeheMan]

How old are you, and how many long-term relationships have you been in, HeheMan?

Oo oo I know this one! Let me guess, no matter what answer I give, you'll twist it around into some negative judgement about me, amirite?

[lalalita]

Heheman - do you consider your girlfriend your best friend? Is your best friend another female while in a serious relationship?

I mean no disrespect and those questions are not meant to be sarcastic. I'm trying to see your point of view.

[HeheMan]

Heheman - do you consider your girlfriend your best friend?

No, we've only been together for two months.

Is your best friend another female while in a serious relationship?

I have had a few best female friends. Two examples come to mind.

In my early 20's my best female friend was this short ugly girl, she was about 5'2" and weighed 180lbs... none of the women I dated ever had any issue.

When I was in my mid 20's my best female friend was this tall, attractive woman from Germany... lots of my girlfriends had issues with it.

The fact is it's not really about the "emotional connection" - it's the sexual competition that women are insecure about. Nobody had an issue when my closest female friend was a unattractive... but when my closest female friend was an amateur model, suddenly the game changed, and my girlfriends made a lot of comments similar to the ones being made in this thread. I had one girlfriend during this period who did not have any problem with it - and lo' and behold, she was an extremely confident woman.

I have a feeling that the women posting ITT are not very confident and trusting. I know "Wakeup" has a lot of trust issues with men; she has made several posts along the lines of "watch out! this guy sounds like a cheating husband!" which supports my suspicion. The fact is if you don't trust the person you're with, you shouldn't be with them. If you have trust issues then you need to sort those issues before you try to date - or give advice to other people...

[searock]

I mean no disrespect and those questions are not meant to be sarcastic. I'm trying to see your point of view.

The same thing goes for me... but I think he may be just trolling, otherwise he probably wouldn't have any problem answering our questions.

lalalita, what you wrote in your last post makes a lot of sense. I would never get married with a guy who didn't think that about me, either. There would be no point, IMO. And yes, staying with him in hopes that some day he will "see the light" is a big risk, and it will make you suffer for as long as he doesn't "see it" (if he ever will). Are you sure it's worth it? I think you deserve better. He may be a great guy, but you deserve someone who thinks YOU are his best friend, confident, lover, life-mate, etc. As of right now, your partner is divided between you and his "sis". It's not fair to you.

May I ask how come you've never met his friend yet? How often do they talk to each other (even via text, chat, etc)?