Have to go stay at mom's....

[BeRad]

Why am I a sucker? What if I told you that I was giving her my Set of napkins....not down payment help. This all happened overnight, when she realized that going to her mom's was the best option for now. This money thing is interesting though, because what it says very clearly is that anyone would feel like they needed to be present in the relationship, JUST BECAUSE OF THAT. Meanwhile, I don't consider that the reason why she should spend that weekend with me. I think she should, just because we're in a damn relationship. See how clouded everything gets when $ enters the picture? I want to know why she feels like she has to marginalize our relationship when she's staying at her mom's??

[smackie9]

It's only been 6 months and there is all the is exorbitant amount of crap and baggage already???? Dude seriously, run for the hills...you have kids of your own, why would you want this bat shit crazy to be their step mom someday?

[Starnique]

You're definitely a sucker. The first thing I thought was why the hell is helping her buy a house? Based off what you said about your relationship with her, what have you done with this woman besides screw her that would make you know her so well that now you helping her buy a house? Worry about your own damn kids. Anyway, I got to give her props. She know what she's doing and doing it well.

[surfhb2]

Why am I a sucker? What if I told you that I was giving her my Set of napkins....not down payment help. This all happened overnight, when she realized that going to her mom's was the best option for now. This money thing is interesting though, because what it says very clearly is that anyone would feel like they needed to be present in the relationship, JUST BECAUSE OF THAT. Meanwhile, I don't consider that the reason why she should spend that weekend with me. I think she should, just because we're in a damn relationship. See how clouded everything gets when $ enters the picture? I want to know why she feels like she has to marginalize our relationship when she's staying at her mom's??

Dude.....I dont care what the fuucck you give her....the point is she is totally disrespecting you. HELLO!!!???

[smackie9]

He's not going to listen......it's obvious that it's not what he was hoping to hear. It's a case of White Knight Syndrome.

[VerticalMoon]

There are mothers out there who would still give their grown kids a great deal of grief over their dating choices. Her mom might be one of those women. If so, I feel for her, but it's still something she's going to have to deal with at some point or her mom will always be a problem in your relationship. I hope she really had no other choice besides moving in with her mom. Otherwise, the fact that she chose to do so says a great deal about how much effort she'll put toward standing up against her mom. If she won't protect her own children from their "Mean Grandma," then she won't protect you from the lady either.

[BeRad]

Some of these posts are harder to read than others. I appreciate them all, it's just tough because I'm prone to think there must be something I'm misunderstand, and I know there isn't. The challenge is when I read things like "sucker", etc. and it makes me wonder if the people responding are anything like me...I was really looking for constructive thoughts about how Moms interact with their grown daughters...not things like "you're a sucker"...I already felt like a sucker, and that's what caused the arguments. I never gave her the help with the down payment, she got it from her Mom in the end.

In the end, I settled on the thought that she's likely to actually "BE" her Mom one day, and I'm moving on. [Vertical Moon], I especially appreciate your reply.

[surfhb2]

In the end, I settled on the thought that she's likely to actually "BE" her Mom one day, and I'm moving on. [Vertical Moon], I especially appreciate your reply.

Huh!? Whatever....glad you moved on

[smackie9]

I doubt our post had anything to do with your final decision. Something happened over the last month didn't it......

[BeRad]

No, nothing happened..I was a little annoyed with the replies that I got from the beginning, because they were written as if I had said "I'm dating this woman who won't talk to me unless I offer to take her shopping and pay all her bills"....it was never anything like that. I'm a really normal person, and so is she, and I don't have any hard feelings toward her)....from the very beginning, she could have possibly come up with the $5,000 to make her down payment on this house....and that was ALWAYS the plan..until I said "you should let me help"...she refused at first, and I was insistent, blah blah. The point is, it wasn't a million dollars, I wasn't BUYING SOMEONE A HOUSE, it was just help, and I didn't care because I'd fallen in love with her, and I could tell how stressed she was about the money. The money was absolutely never the topic I was asking about, but it was important to include because ironically, it harmed more than it helped...Me, that is...because it put thoughts in my head that it had something to do with her caring about me...and it didn't. She's not a gold digger, etc. etc...The real issue was that there was always something so weird about the way she wouldn't make our relationship "real" to her Mom and sisters. If you knew her, you'd say "THAT is a woman that is deliberate about how she raises her two girls" and she didn't have any trouble with me being around them...it was this issue about her Mom. I did close her loan on the home, and she moved in this weekend, in fact------But, over the past month, we had a few more arguments about what's normal for this stage of a relationship: After 6 mos, and saying I love you to each other, and interactions between her kids and mine, she felt I was pressuring her if I expected her to commit to some specific time over the month she was at her Mom. I felt it was a bad sign that she wouldn't, and I resented the fact that she would think I would just be waiting for her a month later, when nothing but her own choices were keeping her from saying "WE WILL DEFINITELY KEEP OUR NORMAL DATE WEEKEND WHEN BOTH OF OUR KIDS ARE WITH THEIR OTHER PARENTS". that's all I ever wanted. In the end, it wasn't about that weekend, I'm pretty sure it was more a matter of her already being more committed in this relationship than she really wanted to be to begin with. I could accuse her of leading me on I guess, but what would be the point. All I ever wanted from this forum was some discussion from adult women, on the way that parents interact with their single parent daughters after a divorce...I hoped that I'd hear 10 or so different perspectives about a variety of mother daughter scenarios ranging from "My mom expects me to get approval from her, or else run the risk of hearing I told you so, since I've been divorced", to the "whatever makes you happy, you're my daughter"....I just wanted to hear people talk about it. Instead, everyone focused on the money part, and I never really did get what I was looking for...but it doesn't matter. I think things ended because we had really different ideas about some things that aren't negotiable for either of us. I wish her the best, and so on

[ErzaScarlet]

Maybe she's afraid that if you meet her mom you might back out of the relationship. You've only been dating for 6 months. Maybe she has s very dysfunctional family. Just a thought.

[smackie9]

The way I see it, I'm guessing she didn't want her to know you had any involvement in the purchase of this house or the mom would pull out of the deal...that's my take on it.

Now if you told her bye bye, what was her reaction? Did you explain to her your reasons?