need opinion on a situation.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't compete to date her. Just **** her.

[Ugly_Swan]

I won't question you on your motives and reasons. I just believe, neither all girls nor all guys are good. We cannot generalize things up on the whole. Somewhere girls get attached, somewhere guys do.

For me, I feel, this particular girl is not " stupid". She is clever to have best of both worlds around her and make a choice between which among them is still a better option. I, personally, am a person who believes in having a permanent alliance than a temporary, time-pass one. Here, I am not able to see any seriousness. She is "working" on making the other guy as her boyfriend, while hanging out, dating or whatever with gantgui. She should better keep it clear.

" Leading up to it " clearly shows that somewhere in her mind she is directing things towards making the other guy her boyfriend. If he is not her "potential boyfriend", she could have said a simple "no". It's like, she wants to convey, " Hey look, try on me fast, impress me or there is someone else waiting in the queue and I am already considering his proposal".


Anyways let gantgui decide on things.

Lol yes, that's exactly what she is doing. And I think it is the right thing for her to do.

My point in terms of advice to gantgui is that she is willing to date him but don't expect her to put gantgui over a guy that may become her bf if things play out right. It is up to gantgui what he does--but he should give up if he is not willing to "Compete".

[gantgui]

here is a longer version of the story...

I am a male 19 She is a female 18.
This girl has been having a crush on me for the past two years.I never acted up on it since i wasn't that interested. I think she noticed at one point and gave up on me.
Around three months ago i see she starts hanging out with another guy a lot. We don't really talk anymore by that point.I decide to go up to her and tell her i never see her anymore. She gets excited. The next times i saw her she was very nervous around me which she also was when she liked me.
Whenever i walked into a room she would flip her head towards me and made sure we made eye contact. She even did that when she was sitting with that guy alone. I start ignoring her since she was still hanging out with that guy. I was basically avoiding eye contact while she would literally stare at me and stop talking to guys when i as around. Suddenly i notice she doesn't hang out with that guy anymore. Im thinking that she didn't want me to think their is something between them.
This i where i ****ed up and decided to keep on ignoring her because im a ****head.
After a week or two of avoiding eye contact, i believe she caught on and stopped doing her staring thing. At that point i noticed i ****ed up but don't do anything about it.She of course starts hanging out with the guy again.(in my mind she gave up on me)
I notice she is also not nervous around me anymore but seems to purposely touch me physically at times but making it look unintentional.
And this point i started feeling like shit since i knew i ****ed up since i actually liked the girl. I tell her i need to talk to her tomorrow. She speaks all softly and says okay.
I go up to her and ask her if the guy is her boyfriend. She says its leading to that. I said ''never mind then'' she asks me why i wanted to know. I tell her i would of asked her out. She starts blushing like crazy and flips her hair. She then says she is still aloud to go out with me even though she is seeing him. I tell her i am not the type of guy who fights for a girl and that she has to stop seeing the guy in order to go out with me.
She refuses to stop seeing him but says she is still aloud to chill with me.
In my opinion she doesn't want to break the guys heart for a second time. Im just really confused about wanted to chill even though she is still seeing the guy. She clearly knows i am not the type of guy who will fight for a girl.

[gantgui]

No to sound like an asshole, but i am very attractive and rarely make any efforts to get girls(this is just my personality) In the sense i m not willing to put her on a pedestal and start fighting over her with that guy. She is very aware of that and knows i am able to attract most girls.

[gantgui]

Hello gantgui,


Frankly speaking, she is using you. Don't waste time on a girl who is never about you. She just loves to flatter around with boys showing the world how important she is and how desperately you guys are completing to get her.


Also, you don't know how that guy feel for her. It would be heart breaking for him to know that you are also involved with her. Better stay away.

Honestly i doubt she is using me. She know i am very assertive and knows i wouldn't take shit like that from any girl. And i even told her i won't compete for her and she has already previously stopped talking to the guy in order to show me i was more important(read longer story on page 2)

[gantgui]

lollol you actually told her " i am not the type of guy who fights over a girl and that she has to choose to either stop seeing him or else i am not going to compete vs that guy"??

Who do you think you are to imagine that she would give up a guy that might give her commitment for some schmo that is not even willing to compete for her?

With that attitude, she should ignore you! You're not some King to make demands like that. It also sounds feminine. A man fights/competes. A woman get chased. Not other way around. Turn-off.

Lol ok so I ranted a bit here--but my point is that this might be her reaction--so don't expect her to give him up for you. You don't deserve that from her. That guy was there first--so either compete or walk away.

She is not officially in a relationship so she is allowed to see other guys (rightfully so)--and maybe if it's true that she was crushing on you (as you say), you may have a shot with her. Just don't expect her to put you first right now.

However, if you only wanna do her then leave her -- please walk away instead of accidentally causing problems between her and the guy that might actually make her happy.

Yeah my opinion is actually very simlilar to yours on the situation. I think she i scared i would use her(which i won't) but i know she still has feelings fofr me. Logically even i know her better option from her perspective would be to stay with the guy since hes the safer pick. Emotionally though i think she would incline towards me. I think she wanted to stay near the middle ground by not wanting to stop seeing him.( They've been hanging round for a while but i think she just considered him a friend when she was crushing on me but when she saw i wasn't interested she started getting feelings for him.
I think she doesn't want to break the guys heart again

[Ugly_Swan]

Yeah my opinion is actually very simlilar to yours on the situation.

I think she doesn't want to break the guys heart again.

??? I don't think it's about breaking hearts--she is just trying to maximize her options.

[gantgui]

She knows i wouldn't blow money on her. And yeah me to i think its her dream come true but she thought i wasn't interested and developed feelings for the other guy.

[gantgui]

??? I don't think it's about breaking hearts--she is just trying to maximize her options.

Yeah read the longer version i posted on page 2.

[Ugly_Swan]

Yeah my opinion is actually very simlilar to yours on the situation. I think she i scared i would use her(which i won't) but i know she still has feelings fofr me. Logically even i know her better option from her perspective would be to stay with the guy since hes the safer pick. Emotionally though i think she would incline towards me. I think she wanted to stay near the middle ground by not wanting to stop seeing him.( They've been hanging round for a while but i think she just considered him a friend when she was crushing on me but when she saw i wasn't interested she started getting feelings for him.
I think she doesn't want to break the guys heart again

Ahhhh... yes I agree. Expect the breaking his heart part. lol

[gantgui]

See, you can put it anyway. How things will develop depends on how the three of them carry forward with their friendship/relationship. Also, we are unknown to the other guy's feelings for her. He might have proposed her and which is why she said, " it's leading to that" when asked if he is her boyfriend. So, that guy might feel really bad when he comes to know what's happening. Here, we are giving the girl a choice to make among two guys and giving the guys an opportunity to try their luck on her by impressing her through various means. This is no funny business. It involves emotions and feelings.

She knows i wont take part in trying to impress her...

[gantgui]

But he is not yet her boyfriend. she is therefore free. if she is monogamous while they are not officially monogamous....well then she is stupid because she is committing to a guy that doesn't want her exclusively to her own detriment. I don't think he proposed it or anything -- "leading up to it" just implies that she expects him to ask for exclusivity sometime soon.

I guess for me it comes down to the fact that guys can't really be used emotionally. It's girls that get attached. Guys are just "whatever" about girls and discard them easily. She is a girl so she has the right to be fickle etc. to protect her own interests. Maybe it's the part of me that hates men that's coming out lol

But regardless I just don't think she owes anything to the "potential boyfriend" or anyone.

Yeah i think he already proposed to be in a relationship. He always seems to be more invested than she is when talking to each others. He also posts hearts on her facebook wall, she only likes the post and doesn't heart him back.

[Wakeup]

lollol you actually told her " i am not the type of guy who fights over a girl and that she has to choose to either stop seeing him or else i am not going to compete vs that guy"??

Who do you think you are to imagine that she would give up a guy that might give her commitment for some schmo that is not even willing to compete for her?

With that attitude, she should ignore you! You're not some King to make demands like that. It also sounds feminine. A man fights/competes. A woman get chased. Not other way around. Turn-off.

WoW swan. I don't want a guy that would do anything BUT what op did.

Don't "chill" with her. Stick to your guns and find a chick that doesn't need to be fought for.

Lol ok so I ranted a bit here--but my point is that this might be her reaction--so don't expect her to give him up for you. You don't deserve that from her. That guy was there first--so either compete or walk away.

Yea... my advice is to walk away.

She is not officially in a relationship so she is allowed to see other guys

True but why bother when there are enough woman out there that are just like him and find competition in the romantic rhelm and huge waste of everyone's time.

and maybe if it's true that she was crushing on you (as you say), you may have a shot with her. Just don't expect her to put you first right now.

Don't give her the chance to choose between you and another guy. Just find one who, like you is looking for a good partner that isn't racking them up.

However, if you only wanna do her then leave her -- please walk away instead of accidentally causing problems between her and the guy that might actually make her happy.

Where did he even hint at wanting to do such a thing? *shrugs*

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Gantgui, **** her then stop talking to her. Attention whores like this need to be knocked down a few pegs.

[Wakeup]

That certainly goes for male attention whores as well. O.o