Wow, Ash. What a story...
You say you both thought you would marry each other early on in your relationship, did you ever discuss what married life would be like? It's an oversight most couples make and according to stuff I've read, one of the major contributors to divorce. People have a sub conscious expectation of what their husband or wife will be like that actually doesn't surface until they are married. Unless you are aware of this, it will bite you in the arse.
It seems to me that one of your husbands subconcious expectations was his wife would be a virgin. Now that expectation has arisen and he is choking on it.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Everyone here has had great advice and I wish you the best of luck.
'People are never perfect but love can be. People waste time looking for the perfect lover rather than creating the perfect love' - Princess Leigh-Cheri from Still Life With Woodpecker.