I Feel the need to email my ex

[IndiReloaded]

Validation? LOL, man you are so insecure its not even funny. If you can't get over this control thing of yours, you will never be able to have a stable partnership.

At least some of your exes are going to find wonderful men who probably ARE better partners. For them. Learn to shrug more about such things. You seem like a pissant, wishing unhappiness on others. That attitude will backfire, possibly by turning off a great girl who will judge you on how you treat your exes.

[lhn]

I think some of you have given him a little bit of a rough time to be fair. Although, I don't know the original story of the breakup.

Alot of what you've said Dogtoast is similar to how I have felt towards my ex. I work with her everyday and I know the extra stress this puts us under. Mine is with someone else and sometimes you cant help but despise what they've done to you but...
Like people have said, you have to let it all go. No matter how much you want them to realise they made a mistake or should have given u another chance or should smother you in sympathy for how insensitive you believe they have been, it wont happen. You'll just look even more like a loser in their eyes.
She moved on weeks and weeks ago... time for us to follow in their footsteps.

Shrug and tell yourself that its just not worth it. I'm starting to think, 'I just cant wait for my next relationship because I know exactly how to make it better than the last'.

[Dogtoast]

Validation? LOL, man you are so insecure its not even funny. If you can't get over this control thing of yours, you will never be able to have a stable partnership.

At least some of your exes are going to find wonderful men who probably ARE better partners. For them. Learn to shrug more about such things. You seem like a pissant, wishing unhappiness on others. That attitude will backfire, possibly by turning off a great girl who will judge you on how you treat your exes.

dude, just when you seem cool you get back on your high horse and give me a hard time for no reason!?!?!?

I never said I want to wish her unhappiness, I want her at some point to understand she screwed me, and wish she didnt. People want validation for different things in their lives, that doesn't make me an insecure PERSON. I'm insecure in this shitty situation that I don't always deal with because its foreign to me. I am not a controlling person either. You totally don't know me from a hole in the wall and all you know is the info I've given you, but I feel you've even mis-judged that. Its cool though, you guys have still given me some good advice so its whatever.

[Dogtoast]

I think some of you have given him a little bit of a rough time to be fair. Although, I don't know the original story of the breakup.

Alot of what you've said Dogtoast is similar to how I have felt towards my ex. I work with her everyday and I know the extra stress this puts us under. Mine is with someone else and sometimes you cant help but despise what they've done to you but...
Like people have said, you have to let it all go. No matter how much you want them to realise they made a mistake or should have given u another chance or should smother you in sympathy for how insensitive you believe they have been, it wont happen. You'll just look even more like a loser in their eyes.
She moved on weeks and weeks ago... time for us to follow in their footsteps.

Shrug and tell yourself that its just not worth it. I'm starting to think, 'I just cant wait for my next relationship because I know exactly how to make it better than the last'.

Yeah it totally adds a new dimension with respect to how we have to deal with each other in the office and it SUCKS. I'm constantly biting my tongue and walking on eggshells. I've been being the better person though by keeping my mouth shut and being extra nice to her when I want to be a dick to her. I'm just going to beat her at the whole thing and not give a sh*t. Eventually the tide will turn further for me and It'll be done for good.

Hope your situation is getting easier for you. This is the toughest relationship situation I've had to deal with yet. I sure as hell learned my lesson though!

[Primo]

DT, it's just coming across as a bit obsessive and immature on the board. I know you're hurt and here to vent, but it seems like you're looking at this and your past relationships as a game that you have to win if it doesn't work out.

We all unintentionally hurt others and get hurt while we're trying to find that perfect person. I'm sure I have an ex or two that think I'm an asshole, when in reality I did everything to make it work and broke it as gently as possible to them when it didn't. That's life...

What happened to the hottie you met at Halloween? You should be tearing that up every night, not trying to win whatever it is you're trying to win with this other woman.

[Dogtoast]

DT, it's just coming across as a bit obsessive and immature on the board. I know you're hurt and here to vent, but it seems like you're looking at this and your past relationships as a game that you have to win if it doesn't work out.

We all unintentionally hurt others and get hurt while we're trying to find that perfect person. I'm sure I have an ex or two that think I'm an asshole, when in reality I did everything to make it work and broke it as gently as possible to them when it didn't. That's life...

What happened to the hottie you met at Halloween? You should be tearing that up every night, not trying to win whatever it is you're trying to win with this other woman.

Yeah I'm sure it does come across that way, and I'm using this place to get unbiased third party opinions which I appreciate. The chick I met on Halloween lives about 150 miles south of me as she was only in town for that night. The trend so far is we hang out every week or two, which is cool, but not enough. I need an in-town chick who I can "tear up every night" instead of several times a month!

[Primo]

I need an in-town chick who I can "tear up every night" instead of several times a month!

Work on fixing that then

[Dogtoast]

Work on fixing that then

I definitely am

[lhn]

DT... thanks. Yeah, mine is starting to ease up. Still makes me feel sick when I imagine her being intimate with someone else but I've learnt to block out those thoughts for the most part now.
Tonight I move out of the apartment we were supposed to share together. Another hurdle dealt with...

All I will say is eventually u realise that the 'trying to win' thing only has 1 participant. She already has other things going on and you're just a nuisance on the radar now. Sucks but the only thing we can do is realise that some relationships work and some don't.

hope I'm not coming over as condescending cos thats DEFO not my intentions.

Keep venting on here... It helps me alot.

Sounds like we're both nearly there now. Just a few more hurdles to go.

[Dogtoast]

DT... thanks. Yeah, mine is starting to ease up. Still makes me feel sick when I imagine her being intimate with someone else but I've learnt to block out those thoughts for the most part now.
Tonight I move out of the apartment we were supposed to share together. Another hurdle dealt with...

All I will say is eventually u realise that the 'trying to win' thing only has 1 participant. She already has other things going on and you're just a nuisance on the radar now. Sucks but the only thing we can do is realise that some relationships work and some don't.

hope I'm not coming over as condescending cos thats DEFO not my intentions.

Keep venting on here... It helps me alot.

Sounds like we're both nearly there now. Just a few more hurdles to go.

Yeah good for you, move out of that apt. and don't look back. I think about my ex being intimate with others too and it's not a good thing to do. Just thinking of her smiling at him looking into his eyes, kills me. You're not coming across as condescending at all and I appreciate the insight. It makes sense when you say I'll be the only one participating in the "trying to win" thing, and you're right. She's "won" already until I've moved on too.

[lhn]

Well, she's come out the better of it because she already has someone else and that sucks for us.
Lets keep our head up, keep looking and keep things in perspective. We'll get another chance with someone else and make damn sure we don't make the same mistakes.

I just can't wait to meet the next person now, even though its hard to picture sometimes.

[Dogtoast]

Well, she's come out the better of it because she already has someone else and that sucks for us.
Lets keep our head up, keep looking and keep things in perspective. We'll get another chance with someone else and make damn sure we don't make the same mistakes.

I just can't wait to meet the next person now, even though its hard to picture sometimes.

Yeah man keep your head up. Listen to "wheels" by Foo Fighters and "blood on the ground" by Incubus. Two songs that are totally relevant to our lives right now. (not sure if you're into that type of music)

Also, I'm not sure what you did wrong you keep mentioning mistakes. I'm sure I might have made some mistakes along the way, but there wasn't anything I did specifically that caused us to break up. She could have just been sick of me or whatever but for the most part, she fell out of love with me and moved on. She told me I was the best bf she'd ever had so I dunno.

I def don't want to get hurt again, thats for sure. Not sure how you can avoid the "mistake" of getting hurt. That might be tough.

[lhn]

My only mistake was not knowing what I had until it was gone. I was dumped, not the dumper.
I didn't treat her bad or anything like that. Just too many stresses and too many crappy situations happened.

I guess I had more faith than her.

[Dogtoast]

[QUOTE=lhn;519620]My only mistake was not knowing what I had until it was gone. I was dumped, not the dumper.
I didn't treat her bad or anything like that. Just too many stresses and too many crappy situations happened.

I guess I had more faith than her.[/QUOTE

Yeah we were super stressed out all the time because we both worked together and it consumed our entire relationship.

[IndiReloaded]

dude, just when you seem cool you get back on your high horse and give me a hard time for no reason!?!?!?

I never said I want to wish her unhappiness, I want her at some point to understand she screwed me, and wish she didnt. People want validation for different things in their lives, that doesn't make me an insecure PERSON. I'm insecure in this shitty situation that I don't always deal with because its foreign to me. I am not a controlling person either. You totally don't know me from a hole in the wall and all you know is the info I've given you, but I feel you've even mis-judged that. Its cool though, you guys have still given me some good advice so its whatever.

Of course you wish her unhappiness. Want to know how I know? Your reason for wanting her to realize her mistake.

Your motive isn't for her to grow as a person. If it was, the entire tone of your posts would be very different. You wouldn't be angry you'd feel sorry for her that she has made a terrible mistake.

Your actual motive is for her to feel bad in order to salve your own ego, which is fundamentally damaged b/c you feel rejected. I can go back and find the posts that support this, but you can reread them for yourself. So, am I being too harsh? I don't think so. Are your feelings a normal, human response? Yes. But its not a productive response: 'Get over it' is still the best advice. She didn't want you, which in the end is freedom for you to find someone more compatible. Say 'thank you' you aren't stuck with someone who couldn't decide if they want you or not and move on.