My bf suddenly wants to wait until marriage to have sex.....

[clearskies]

Btw Cain, he accepted my decision and agreed that we didn't quite match as a couple.

i advised you not to end this relationship that was promising, men in some cultures, like Eastern ones, will never ever have sex before marriage and that is a joy to have it on wedding day for the first time. Anyway, we are both empty now, broke with online bfs. Never mind, u will be over it soon. best wishes.

[Junket]

I totally agree, if u like him u just like him and not for sex else it will not be love at all... we d call it lust then.

Just because you wanna have sex with somebody doesn't mean it's not love.

People have needs that must be fulfilled in any relationship with another person, if those needs are not met, and there are no more compromises to be made then it means it is simply not to be.

I often feel that people use sex as a propellant to get married sooner than they should. If the sex is already available, then it will be easier to determine whether or not you want to spend your life with them, rather than getting all excited to rub uglies on wedding night.

What if he continues to refrain from sex after they get married?

Or doesn't require the same amount of physical intimacy she requires?

Who's in the wrong then?

[clearskies]

Socially what u say sounds logic, and i cant agree that his refrain from sex is ok after marriage, he will need a dr for treatment if he stayed like that and unfortunately men dont go to drs on these matters .
BUT what if ur religion prevents u from having sex outside marriage?? u should obey ur morals and religion and tame our desires.

[lesa]

...or change religion

[clearskies]

oh no .. u went too far ..

[Junket]

BUT what if ur religion prevents u from having sex outside marriage?? u should obey ur morals and religion and tame our desires.

What's the point of religion if it makes life suck?

Anyway, the original point was: that to say that she did not love this man, but rather, simply lusted for him is false and an unfair judgment.

[DarkDwarf]

I met this guy online....he's a good person. But I don't know if I'm judging him harshly or what, but....his sister just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and while holding her in his arms for the first time, he suddenly decides that the next time that he has sex will be when he's married, which ordinarily I suppose should make a woman feel lucky but, I can't help feeling something's wrong. For one, it seems there was always a problem concerning sex with him. Before we met finally after talking online for about 2 months, he couldn't decide if he wanted to give up his virginity because he was afraid of catching AIDS, and I advised that we could simply use protection. We eventually did have sex, once, after we met and he spent 5 days with me. And yes we're currently involved in a long distance relationship (he in Missouri, me in Jamaica)

This bothers me because I've heard of so many instances where men abstain from having sex with their so before marriage because they're not sure of their sexuality. I know this isn't necessarily true in all instances, but I can't help but wonder, and I'm deathly afraid of getting involved with someone who isn't sure of his sexuality not just because of the fear of STDs but also just the emotional damage that that would do to me.

I've spoken to him about it....and he has said it's because he was raised to wait before marriage. I guess I either accept this or go. The truth is I do have a high sex drive.....and when we see each other again....if this is going to be the case....I really don't think I could stand it.

If you have sex, there is a high chance you will get AIDS.

[DarkDwarf]

Alright, here is how it works.

Humans are considered "Homo Sapien Sapiens", meaning "Wise Humans". "H. s. sapiens" being the sub-species. We belong to the species, "Homo Sapien", part of the "Homo" Genus. We are Mammal Primates, part of the Animalia kingdom. We reproduce through meiosis, the gametes of such reproduction being the egg and sperm cell.

Then again, we should repress biological processes.

I personally find it rediculous. We are driven to have sex. But I suppose there is truly nothing that you may do if he does not wish to have sex until marriage. I think you have the right to be mad, but again, there is nothing that you may do besides discuss it with him. Aside of course, from commiting a class 1? (2?,3?) felony.

[Cain]

Alright, here is how it works.

Humans are considered "Homo Sapien Sapiens", meaning "Wise Humans". "H. s. sapiens" being the sub-species. We belong to the species, "Homo Sapien", part of the "Homo" Genus. We are Mammal Primates, part of the Animalia kingdom. We reproduce through meiosis, the gametes of such reproduction being the egg and sperm cell.

Then again, we should repress biological processes.

I personally find it rediculous. We are driven to have sex. But I suppose there is truly nothing that you may do if he does not wish to have sex until marriage. I think you have the right to be mad, but again, there is nothing that you may do besides discuss it with him. Aside of course, from commiting a class 1? (2?,3?) felony.

You can't claim that every single person is driven to have sex. Some crave it daily and in turn become sluts. Some find it a very emotional thing and feel it should be shared with a husband or wife. She can't be mad at his moral choice.

[Junket]

She can't be mad at his moral choice.

Nor should anybody scold her for leaving him.

[Cain]

Nor should anybody scold her for leaving him.

Not at all. In fact, I was the one that told her that if she needed sex, she should find a new relationship.

[overlooked]

I mean it's like all of a sudden he remembers that he was raised to wait until after marriage?!

if he was "raised" to wait until after marriage, he wouldnt just "forget" about it, do it and "remember" it latter. dont think so...

[lesa]

Someone can be raised to wait after marriage for sex and then forget about it...meaning not hold on to those beliefs but later agree and start to follow those beliefs. But yes, if it was his value then he would probably not have had sex since values are hard to change. But he only did it once, correct?

[elfen31]

You did what was best for both of you. Good for you! I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision but I'm sure you'll find yourself happier in the long run and so will he. Goodluck!

Um....update..we got back together and I've decided to wait even though he made sure to tell me that foreplay will also be non-existent in our relationship before marriage......I guess I'll have to wait....I guess I love him that much.

[elfen31]

What's the point of religion if it makes life suck?

Anyway, the original point was: that to say that she did not love this man, but rather, simply lusted for him is false and an unfair judgment.

Well, I do love him very much and NO it's not just about sex at all. I mean I would NEVER have agreed to wait if I didn't love him.