We broke up 7 years ago, how do I forget?

[Prince_Valiant]

I think Cybog's tragic story is beautiful, yes, and it makes sense. Closure.
You know, gingersnaps, I am also one of those guys that a girl only gets one chance with and if she blows it she blows it. In the beginning of a relationship I make sure there is an understanding between us of what needs to be maintained in order for the relationship to be healthy and fun.

In the end its very simple actually, cos there are only a few rules to obey. They are loyalty, being open, honest and trustworthy. I believe I don't have to say being loving cos its part of the package isn't it. Lies are something I just don't take.

You know all the girls I've dated in my life has cheated on me except one girl, but in the end of 3 years she started too although it was not at all physical.

The point I want to make is the following: I might easily be the same type of guy as that 7 year ex of yours therefor maybe, just maybe, you could understand how to handle him if you hear what I have to say. See, most of my ex's that have cheated on me wanted me back and alot of them still hasn't given up, but I'm not budging cos I've moved on. I believe in the "once a dog, always a dog" thing you know. Anyway I'm trying to place myself now in his shoes now (although I know I don't have knowledge, memories or emotions of you two's past) and you are still you okay. So now I'm thinking...

...okay here's what I'm thinking...if he has been avoiding you and not talking to you for like 7 years, then I suppose an in-person address is not a good idea cos he might just run his ass away again and avoid you that way while you feel more hurt cos he didn't stand even a second to listen to what you have to say. Okay, so for that reason I think Cybog is right... find out/make sure what his email addy is then and send him an email OR write him a letter which you are sure he would get, whether its to his home address (if you know it) or whether you deliver it FOR (not TO) him at his work. Tell him in this letter how you feel and as Cybog said, that you needed to tell him these things. Because, you see, if its a message like email or letter form he knows that no-one will know he had contact with you, or, he would be curious to what you wrote and he will read it without feeling guilty to himself because he knows that you didn't see him reading it. Do you understand what I'm trying to explain here ginger? It's a mental type thing that will carry it through with him.

Then... well... the outcome of it is something you won't have control over. Whatever happens then you'll have to see.
But I'd suggest to ask to him to please just do something for you so you know that he read what you've sent him (like you said in your email).

Thats basicly the best things to do I'd say.


I hope the best for you Ginger



PS: Regret always comes too late doesn't it. You must always value your time and life, because it might be cut short the very next second, you never know.
Thats why since I've started knowing how it feels to be in love or close to it, I've been searching for my soulmate. And I've always taken every relationship I was in serious, and I have never cheated on a girl in my life. <<< Proud to say!

[misombra]

i think you really need to forgive yourself. he wants no part of it, obviously. perhaps that's the thing that really bothers you. you have to learn from your mistakes and move on. i think in time this thinking will ease.

[shh!]

I think Cybog's tragic story is beautiful, yes, and it makes sense. Closure.
You know, gingersnaps, I am also one of those guys that a girl only gets one chance with and if she blows it she blows it. In the beginning of a relationship I make sure there is an understanding between us of what needs to be maintained in order for the relationship to be healthy and fun.

Your entire post reminds me of HugoPickle.

I agree with misombra, alice and myself.

[Tone]

And me too shh!.

Cause.. I agree with misombra.

[alice]

Your entire post reminds me of HugoPickle.

he might have come back under disguise.

[whaywardj]

By and large, I think most people spend far and away too much time thinking about what someone else may or may not be thinking. Just be yourself without harboring malice, expectations, guilt or fear. Let everyone else accept or reject you, as they wish. In any last analysis, what someone else does or doesn't do has little or nothing to do with who you are.

[Gigabitch]

By and large, I think most people spend far and away too much time thinking about what someone else may or may not be thinking. Just be yourself without harboring malice, expectations, guilt or fear. Let everyone else accept or reject you, as they wish. In any last analysis, what someone else does or doesn't do has little or nothing to do with who you are.

How did you get so zen?

[Prince_Valiant]

Your entire post reminds me of HugoPickle.

I agree with misombra, alice and myself.

Who the hell is HugoPickle???

[Tone]

Who the hell is HugoPickle???

That's EXACTLY what someone who was HugoPickle in disguise would say...

So Hugo, how you been?

Still got that whole 'Ken' look goin on?

[URL=http://img225.imageshack.us/my.php?image=sunsetmalibuhs0xq.jpg][/URL]

[crazyhorse]

7 years is a long time, you certainly need closure. It seems to me you still love the guy as much now as you did then, no matter what. Being apart from someone no matter how long, never seems to make sense when it all was so right together, you think over & over to yourslf what could have been better or done differently, was it me or him or both? Was it circumstances or bad timing? None of it probably still makes sense. You probably think about that person every morning you wake no matter who is lying by your side and that is never going to go away. You probably think what if i just said the right things in the right way at the right time to that person would that give me another chance?...but then again would i ever get that opportunity?.....who knows...is he thinkin the same thing but thinks you have moved on?....there are so many possibilities, but its always awkward from the the person who got dumped as they are not the instigator.....do you take the risk and say all this even now after 7 years even though the feelings are still so fresh...i so do empathise with you, that person must have been wonderful ,i hope it all works out, my toughts are with you x

[whaywardj]

Still got that whole 'Ken' look goin on?

[URL=http://img225.imageshack.us/my.php?image=sunsetmalibuhs0xq.jpg][/URL]

LOL! That's deliciously mean, Tone.

[gingersnaps]

Thank you everyone.

Well since I wrote in my last email something to the effect of "hi, wondering if this is the right email address, please message me back even if to tell me not to contact you again, or else I will assume this didn't get through", I feel, it would be silly to write again, as I won't receive a reply again, and like last time, I have trouble assuming it did or didn't get through, I just don't know. Basically if I am not 100% sure that it is getting through, that doubt won't give me closure and also if I worry I am causing him psychological suffering every time I send the email it adds to my guilt.

However my sister bumped into him some time ago and he invited her to see him perform somewhere. She said "oh maybe I'll bring my sister" and she said his response was "sure". (I don't know the tone or exact situation but this is what she said, she said she was surprised at that answer.)

So, anyway, not only did she tell me that after the day it would have been but I would have been too shy anyways (this was before the last/second email I sent - there were only 2 in 7 yrs), BUT, makes me think that you never know, I might run into him on the street one day (although I haven't for years) and if I ever do, I can try to smile and/or say hi and see if he acknowledges me. IF he runs away (he did this years before, saw me and turned to run), lol I know for sure to leave him alone for the rest of his life, but IF he says hi back, I might say, "do you have a minute, I have something I've wanted to tell you, it won't take long" or something. I dunno. Maybe I will be too shy. (I am very shy.)

Now this is what I imagined (yearned for every time I would go out) before even posting this thread BUT there is a difference now after all these responses:

It became clear to me the reason I was fantasing about this interaction was not so much for falling in love again (As nice a little fantasy as that might be) but mostly because I wanted closure and feel that things were nicely wrapped up instead of hanging open.

Knowing that my need is for CLOSURE and to get that I feel a need to APOLOGIZE and the apology has more to do with ME than him, knowing that I am READY TO apologize if I ever see him gives me some sense of CLOSURE (Case closed, I am sorry) instead of needing to wait to get the chance. (AFTER ALL I MIGHT NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN IN MY LIFE.) SOOOO in my heart I say "Sorry (NAME), I'm really sorry, whether you're ready to hear it or not", and I try to move on. Also since I have no idea how I would phrase this in a face-to-face at least I have an activity to do when these emotions come up. (Trying to think of a simple and quick way to phrase it.)

Well, this is the best closure strategy I can come up with so far. Then I can try to free my mind to look at my future, since I am so very very very very tired of straining to see the past.

[Rosebud]

I agree with Cybog on it not being easy to necessarily forget someone who you truly cared about and have been thinking about ever since. But If you have already tried to contact him and have gotten no response, there's really no point in sending another email too him since he has given you his response like others have said.

I would either write down all your feelings to get them out of your head as you think of them or figure out what is really hanging you up here. It could be closure or it could be guilt, my guess is probably both and in which case you can't really do anything to fix them.

You have to accept this happened and you did what you did for a reason. Granted, you realized what you lost after it happened but you ahve to learn from that. You didn't get closure on it and since you ahven't found anyone that you feel truly happy with, your comparing yourself and all those relationships back to that one you had that you screwed up......you can't do that..you have to grow from what happened not stay stagnant!