My Standards

[anachronistic]

I'm beginning to question my standards. Tonight, I'm feeling really lonely. It sucks.

I decided to use Facebook's browse feature, and I searched out all the women in Dallas who are 16-17 and single. I don't know how long I've been doing this, but I've gone through 350 women. Out of those 350, I've only messaged 1 of them to say hi. I'm still going through the list. I really feel lonely.

1/350

One.

one day i will destroy facebook/myspace/anything in that genre. i hate those websites, they contaminate the internet.

but you should just ****ing meet a girl in person. internet ships suck.

[jurupa]

Yes, but you keep finding one hundred reasons to cross girls you're already interested in off your list, which is completely different from not being interested in the first place, which is what Z's doing.

I see. But I think I should add to your fist part. I cross of girls because I don't think they will be interested in me, not because of some flaw they have. If you want to know why I PM you the reason.

[King Zarathu]

Yes, but you keep finding one hundred reasons to cross girls you're already interested in off your list, which is completely different from not being interested in the first place, which is what Z's doing.

I've also done quite the amount of that, myself.

I see. But I think I should add to your fist part. I cross of girls because I don't think they will be interested in me, not because of some flaw they have. If you want to know why I PM you the reason.

Jesus dude. This is an anonymous forum, nobody gives a shit. Just say it in the thread.

[jurupa]

Basically my dad criticize me early on in life and it became part of my mind set that I was never good enough which lead to other things. I use to think constantly when ever I saw a girl paying attention to me why would she want a loser like me. I haven't done anything with my life, but ridicule myself into oblivion. This is why I never went out and had fun in high school and afterwards. Besides that I never wanted a girl friend in high school. I still semi think like this time to time, but not as much as I use to.

[King Zarathu]

At 22 you're still thinking about it? Nah man. Get counseling.

[jurupa]

At 22 you're still thinking about it? Nah man. Get counseling.

I have gotten over my past. I also don't really think about it anymore. The mind set comes back every now and then, but it basically has stopped with girls for the most part. It comes back every now and then on other things. There is not much I can do but fight it. And no I am not going to get counseling for it as it would be worthless when I can easy trick the person thinking I am fine anyway so what good would that do me.

[Gigabitch]

I have gotten over my past. I also don't really think about it anymore. The mind set comes back every now and then, but it basically has stopped with girls for the most part. It comes back every now and then on other things. There is not much I can do but fight it. And no I am not going to get counseling for it as it would be worthless when I can easy trick the person thinking I am fine anyway so what good would that do me.

Jurupa, you've left your past behind, but it hasn't left you. It's still lurking there, ready to pop up every time you want to involve yourself with someone.

There IS something you can do besides fight it- you can deal with it, and counseling can help. Fooling a counselor is a waste of time and money, and I'd like to think you wouldn't do that. The only real question to ask youreslf is how much more time do you want to spend living the lie your father gave you and called the truth?

[jurupa]

Jurupa, you've left your past behind, but it hasn't left you. It's still lurking there, ready to pop up every time you want to involve yourself with someone.

Actually the mind set does not come up as nearly as much anymore. This year alone it has happen a couple of times, last night when I typed that post and earlier this year. This has also been so far the best year I had in a long time as I have gone out more and had more fun this year than previous years.

But the past is also who I am as well, and you can't change the past.

There IS something you can do besides fight it- you can deal with it, and counseling can help. Fooling a counselor is a waste of time and money, and I'd like to think you wouldn't do that.

I have dealt with it in my own way which I know is not emotionally healthy, but its the way I picked to deal with things early on and it would be hard to change them now.

The only real question to ask youreslf is how much more time do you want to spend living the lie your father gave you and called the truth?

I broke thru the lie when I was 14 as that was when I was able to basically put together the pieces and saw what my dad was doing. It was also then I start to rebel against him as well. When my parents got divorce when I was 16 I had the option of not living with my dad, but that would cause a truck load of problems that I did not want. I ended up vocally fighting with my dad on this and other things and basically took away any power that he had on me.

I now basically call the shots with my dad and I now see him once about every 2 to 3 weeks or so. He has also change for the better as well since then. He still has a ways to go to where I think he should be, but he is a lot better than he use to be tho. Part of it is that I don't let him in my life as much, sad maybe but that has helped keep things peacefully between him and me.

Before you start to plea and beg me to go see someone for my problems, I have grown considerable since then. My mom has commented many times in the past couple of years on how confident I have become, and I see more and more how smart I am and that my general self image of my self has change for the good as well. Normally I don't start conversations, especially with girls, but I actually have started conversations with more girls (I started about 4 conversations with girls this year alone), this year alone than previous years. Before you think this is most due to my problem, I am a quiet person and don't really talk much unless I am with my mom side of the family (my dad side is very proper you may say), or in gross in the topic on hand. I use to be shy (by nature) and didn't really talk to anyone early on.

Ironically enough I have a friend that is pretty much like me in being use to be shy and turned into being quiet. He was diagnose with some social thing and is taking drugs for it, while I am going about it naturally and the funny part is that we are basically progressing at the same rate as far as social ability goes. I hoping he does not have to work a lot during winter break so that him and I can go out a lot and hopefully get in a bar or two. I am also plan to meet up with some people from a car forum I visit next month and see about going to a computer group. Assuming that I get the time if I can get a job.

[Gigabitch]

Jurupa, I won't plead with you do see somebody about it. It would be a waste of time if you didn't really want to do it.

I would like to say, though, that I think you're functioning just fine in your controlled, carefully constructed environment. If you get a girlfriend, all of that could change.

[King Zarathu]

Jurupa, I won't plead with you do see somebody about it. It would be a waste of time if you didn't really want to do it.

I would like to say, though, that I think you're functioning just fine in your controlled, carefully constructed environment. If you get a girlfriend, all of that could change.

No matter how hard you try, you can't argue with that.

Nicely put, Giga.

[Gigabitch]

No matter how hard you try, you can't argue with that.

Nicely put, Giga.

Okay, who are you and what have you done with snarly Zarathu?

[jurupa]

Jurupa, I won't plead with you do see somebody about it. It would be a waste of time if you didn't really want to do it.

I would like to say, though, that I think you're functioning just fine in your controlled, carefully constructed environment. If you get a girlfriend, all of that could change.

It could. But I also feel that I am ready to have one, plus I now want a girl friend. I am fine if the relationship is a causal one that lasts 2 months, and quiet frankly that is really what I am aiming for because my feet are still dry you might say. But I am open to the possibility that the relationship goes longer and gets more serious as well.

[Mathias]

Okay, who are you and what have you done with snarly Zarathu?

Yeah, no shit. What the hell has happened?

[King Zarathu]

Z, I think it's wonderful that you have such standards and that you are looking for intelligence. Don't ever lower them cause you'll end up being lonelyer than you are now.
Join a book club or something..visit libraries..do all the smart things you like doing, and some clever sweet girl will come along. Eventually.

Seriously, to see a 16 year old boy with a standard of finding an intelligent girl with similar views..it has made my day! Good luck, Z.

Thanks for the encouragement. :]

Over the past few years, I've done nothing but make the greatest attempt at mastering the attraction game. I'm sick of playing these ****ing games with females where I have to temporarily mask my personality and constantly come up with smart-ass remarks (I became amazing at this) just to attract them. I want to just be myself, and if they aren't attracted to it, screw 'em.

Is that a little bit too much?

[vashti]

For the record, I adore you skaterboy. You will make a good catch one day.