All because I felt a bit choked?

[Journey]

Thats exactly my point.You said no- you wouldnt leave me. But she would say that its over and start walking away, or ask me to pull the car over and drop her off, or say its our last meal together etc... it drove me pretty crazy.
This last time I didnt go running back to her. I mentionned it could be a good idea of hers to break off for a while. So she decides to move to another city!?
How many times am I supposed to go crawling back to her. I certainly dont want to live that way in a marriage.

[misombra]

journ, this relationship was doa.

[meh]

Thats exactly my point.You said no- you wouldnt leave me. But she would say that its over and start walking away, or ask me to pull the car over and drop her off, or say its our last meal together etc... it drove me pretty crazy.
This last time I didnt go running back to her. I mentionned it could be a good idea of hers to break off for a while. So she decides to move to another city!?
How many times am I supposed to go crawling back to her. I certainly dont want to live that way in a marriage.

I told you what to do, man. That marriage will be hell for you, and you will regret every minute of it.

[anachronistic]

I told you what to do, man. That marriage will be hell for you, and you will regret every minute of it.

she'd probably cut off his lucky charms.

[Only-virgins]

I think everyone is over-reacting.

[dollface82]

wow can I relate to this situation. But I'll give you the female perspective on this - how a secure female can be made to fell insecure.

I'm a 24 year old female, my boyfriend of 6 months is 33. He was the one pursuing the relationship to start, said "I love you" first, talked about the future, says he's 100% committed and started looking at family properties together. As you can imagine, I love him, would marry him in a heartbeat (we both agreed we were the One from the night we met).

Last week - he was going away for the weeknd for work, coming back Monday

No big deal, I travel for work too.

I was driving to a friend's place on the Saturday - I see my BOYFRIEND walking with another girl, and her dog. Not holding hands/affectionate or anything. I was shocked. First I checked to see if I knew the girl - no.

I confronted them calmly, said Hi, thought you were meant to be away.

He said - I was - I was given the sack from my job yesterday, very upset, flew back in this morning, just wanted to talk to a friend. Nothing going on with her.

She then said hi - known him for a while.

I just said "Ok then" and left. He then sent me a text saying he's really stressed out at the moment, and needs a bit of breathing space. Its been 3 days, I havn't heard from him. Ican't contact him because phone/email de-activated.

I've checked up - he has lost his job which is devestating.

Why didn't he tell me?

He's never mentioned her before, he knows my male friends.

What to think? Has he been cheating this whole time?

I'm not insecure at all (am a professional career girl), but holy crap this situation has floored me.

To think that the man who says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, go to Europe, buy properties can't tell me something like that, and turns to a female friend first?

[dollface82]

oh, and in relation to the cultural issue - he and I are both from conservative Italian families, so I understadn where your girlfriend is coming from.

I couldn't move in with my guy because culturally, you don't do it unless you have a ring on your finger. Unfair and outdated maybe, but you have to understand that, or maybe move onto a girl who is less "difficult" in that respect.

Actually Journ, you have made me realise the problem I'm facing - I think my guy feels "choked" too - even though he made the initial advances. But if, from word go, he says he wasn't ready for the commitment, I would've walked and found someone who was.

As would your girlfriend. I don't think she wants to waste time, its so unfair for you to expect her to do so.

So, out of respect for your gf - tell her you are not ready for commitment and save her the pain/heartbreak.

She sounds exactly like me (its a bit scary actually) - conservative, family background, not many relationships/doesn't sleep around, wants the traditional commitment, marriage and kids.

She has probably seen so many of her friends get stringed along/failed relationships and is terrified of it happening to her.

Sure, a guy can say he's "committed", but until you actually see the ring on your finger how on earth can you believe it?

just don't string her along and make her feel that its "her fault" the relationship is sour. Trust me, she has the best intentions at heart, but it is so hard to find a guy these days that understands that. I thought I had it, he made me believe it too.