Can someone decode this guy for me?

[lemonade69]

morning, like maybe 10-12:30?

afternoon- 2:30? why?

[lemonade69]

GrkScorp, I PM'ed you

[GrkScorp]

morning, like maybe 10-12:30?

afternoon- 2:30? why?

nvm.. not early enough.. and no, has nothing to do with what you PM-ed me about..

[GrkScorp]

GrkScorp, I PM'ed you

I read your PMs, and here's what i'm going to say..

- First of all, that message (txt) you want to send him, if things don't happen, is a little too direct.. but more than that.. is a direct "ego-challenge".. like the female-ego.. if the male-ego senses that there's an ego-challenge, it will get very bitter and spiteful.. so there's no way that he'll ever respond positively to that text..

- Exam time, understandable.. after the exam, re-open the conversation between the two of you via "How do you think you did? .. [pause for him to talk].. Ugh! I don't know how I did, I mean, I think I did good but.. (that's a gauge btw, in case it wasn't obvious enough.. to see how much attention he's paying, or how supportive he is.. will he say.. "don't worry about it, it's ok i'm sure you did fine, etc"?"

- Feed interest.. That's right.. I'm getting to feeling, for your PMs, that you're not feeding enough interest to this guy..

From his POV, he's probably thinking "there's no way she's interested in me, maybe she's just being friendly, I don't want to come off like an idiot".. (sound familiar? have you heard this thought process before?)

And for guys like him, it can be very intimidating.. So you need to relieve that tension..

1. The virgin act: (sort of) If you've slept with 190843256 guys, say you've only had one ex-bf in the past, and he broke things off.. That way, you come off as less intimidating, lower perceived expectations..

2. Signs of Interest: To contrast signs of interest (SOIs) against indicators of interest (IOIs).. IOIs are subtle, and very few guys pick up on them.. SOIs are quite explicit, and more guys pick up on them.. (looking into his eyes, and then looking away, but holding enough contact to know that you're looking, but then just not looking directly to not tip him off that you're constantly looking at him so you can see if he'll look back or come talk to you.. what? exactly.. that's an IOI, save it for when you're interested in women, not for men).. (asking him to go out for lunch, asking him to come with you somewhere, giving him your number, inviting him to join you this weekend, etc.. all SOIs).. It's shocking how much effort women put into giving out IOIs.. but all of that effort is wasted.. just save yourself the time and effort, and just SOI..

3. Touching: I want you to think about something.. how it feels to be touched by someone you're interested in.. Just imagine what it would feel like to have his hand gently touch your arm and brush its way up to your shoulder, and caress your neck.. and run his fingers through your hair.. and.. well.. can you imagine what that would feel like? Well, think about that.. and as you do.. just try and notice how it feels like throughout your body.. that bolt of electricity and energy just running through you, inside of you.. don't start to get too comfortable with how relaxing it feels.. but notice how more relaxed your body feels, and how much more comfortable overall you're feeling.. and that this feeling, works both ways.. the same way you would love to be touched.. is the same way he feels.. Touch is the biggest green-light for a nice guy.. Because remember, nice guys have a wrong definition and an irrational limiting belief about what it means exactly to be polite, nice, a gentleman.. Part of that definition is more or less.. don't touch unless touched first.. they think, that if they touch, they're comming off as sex-hungry animals, or perverts, or rude and pushy.. but touch is a very important comfort-building component.. and when it's not there, that level of comfort isn't there.. so touch! Give him a hug, kiss him on the cheek, be happy to see him and be around him, lock your arms together and walk with him, play-hit him, etc.. don't think too much about it.. it's really not a big deal.. nice guys are perhaps the most playful teddy-bear like creatures in the world.. it goes a long way in comfort-building.. trust me.. and it's not a big deal if you don't make it or think it to be a big deal.. it's natural, playful, and friendly, that's all.. it's letting him know that it's OK to be comfortable on this level, with you..

Your fomula:

Comfort + Motivation = The guy you like and you both together

Everything you do.. should be either comfort-building, and motivation, in the beginning, start with more motivation than comfort..

In any case, don't try TOO hard.. the point is not to bleedy ego all over the field.. just be friendly, playful, and happy.. all great qualities guys look for in girls.. and there's nothing wrong with that.. if he doesn't respond, then he has some more work to do on his "shy" issue..

[IndiReloaded]

What is "The Red Queen" about? (I know you mentioned sexual selection and the genetics of mating; but what is the story behind the book? In what way does it present the subject?)

The Red Queen is a non-fiction book about what I said & made quite a stir a few years ago. Its related to your Sparta post b/c of the way the women were engaging in a form of sexual selection. Ridley's interesting book attempts to explain it from an evolutionary genetics standpoint. The author is a science writer and editor for the Economist, so its very readable for the non-scientist/lay person. He touches upon all sorts of things to do with sex, monogamy, sexual display, pecking order, etc. You seem interested in this subject, so I thought you might enjoy.

Your local library will have a copy but here's an Amazon link for a book summary:

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Red-Queen-Evolution-Human-Nature/dp/0140245480"]Amazon.com: The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature: Matt Ridley: Books[/ame]

[cheeze_guy]

in short the guy is a virgin make the first move n make it clear

[GrkScorp]

You seem interested in this subject, so I thought you might enjoy.

Thanks Indi,

The effort & thoughtfulness is much appreciated; it’s definitely a subject that I explore to no end.. After reading up some more on it, this is the book Ross Jeffries recommends to his students, but D’Angelo warns against it, because it breeds misogyny.. I’ll have to take a look for myself though, and read with some caution..

[lemonade69]

Thxn GrkScorp, I'll try that!!!

Ok, so say if I'm still getting MIXED (not negative) signals after doing all that, and I'd like to come right out and say something.....(btw, I'm still hung on the idea of text mssg)..what d'u suggest I write? Thnx!

[GrkScorp]

Thxn GrkScorp, I'll try that!!!

Ok, so say if I'm still getting MIXED (not negative) signals after doing all that, and I'd like to come right out and say something.....(btw, I'm still hung on the idea of text mssg)..what d'u suggest I write? Thnx!

Don't "write" anything..

I don't know if you've had the luxury of playing a video or some sort of electronic game on either a counsel or computer.. It doesn't have to be too fancy.. Something simple.. anything you can think of really.. now.. I don't know..., as you think about that game.. if you can remember exactly how many stages or levels there were until you won.. but that's not what's important..., what's important is.. the idea and concept of levels or stages.. as you go through it.. and each one.. you advance.. you're now on some higher level.. that you've worked hard to get to.. and at this level, your character is much better.. you're closer to the end than you were on that lower level..

Now, when you think about comfort.. with him, try and imagine that comfort has certain levels.. and depending on which level you're on.. determines how close you are towards winning the game.. reaching that final stage.. it doesn't make sense.. to work and put so much effort into getting to a higher level.. and then go back to a lower level of comfort.. the object is to always go for a deeper level of comfort.. don't be pushy.. but don't go backwards either..

If you're building enough comfort with touch, proximity, and physical contact to break that awkward-spell the two of you (primarily he) feels.. and if that comfort allows the two of you to communicate freely and openly in person.. then why on earth would you go backwards in the process and bring him back down to a lesser level of comfort? It doesn't make any sense.. you can try really hard to think about reasons to justify the urge you're getting.. but sooner or later, you're going to realize, that the harder you try and look for such reasons, the more and more you're going to realize that there aren't really any valid ones that exist.. it just doesn't make sense to go in the backwards direction with comfort and drag it down to a lower level.. you're always looking the build more and more comfort, and on deeper levels, now

What you can say to him is, a personal favorite of mine to seal the deal.. but it also provides you with an exit strategy (no pun intended) "Look, (hisname), I just wanted to tell you, that I know how you feel about me, (him: what are you talking about?).. can you just listen to me for one second and let me speak? I know how you feel about me, and I just wanted you to know, because I don't think you do, that..., I like you too"

Now, just imagine him delivering that to you.. how would you feel inside? I know you would litterally melt from the inside, out.. And that's exactly the point.. If he feels the same way.. and he's just shy to say it.. then this close, will bypass his shy nature..

However, if he doesn't feel the same way.. and you hear him saying "I don't really like you that way though".. just finish the exit.. "Can you just let me finish! I like you too..., but I don't like you that way (hisname).. you're really nice and sweet, but I don't feel that way about you, and I think we should just be friends..ok?"

Yes, I know.. bloody brilliant way to safeguard ego..

[lemonade69]

LOL!!!! haha safeguard the ego alright, but this one is an exceptionally smart cookie, i think he'll see right through it..not the mention the fact that i'd feel way too awkward doing that. i think i'll just wait and see what happens..i'll think of something....i mean if i've asked him out and he's still unenthusiastic then i guess that is just as effective.

when we were looking into each other's eyes i so wanted to reach up and kiss him, i guess i'll try that if i get the opportunitiy

[lemonade69]

btw, GrkScorp, d'u have any recs for any good body language/dating books for girls? thnx!

[GrkScorp]

btw, GrkScorp, d'u have any recs for any good body language/dating books for girls? thnx!

When it comes to body language, I think the best two books I've come across for young women are:

- Superdate
- Superflirt

By Tracey Cox

(Note: I'm not endorsing Tracey Cox or any affiliates; this is just my honest recommendation)

Aside from books, the best way to learn body language is through videos, and i'm not talking about buying some videos.. just television and movies.. seriously.. you just have to know how to look out for what's really attractive in terms of body language, and seperate it from physical appeal.. which can be tricky

Here are some of my personal favorites, because I like a wide variety of things, you can pick and choose whichever you feel most comfortable in, whichever best fits your personal and individual identity:

Appeal towards the cocky-side: (There are very strong-idealistic appeals to these types of guys, Carmen Electra/Paris Hilton types, but we're going to look at non-b*tchy types, at least not complete b*tchy types)

- Keira Knightley (In King Arthur and in some other films, Keira has very strong facial expressions, to which she makes great use of her jaw, lips, and eyes.. It conveys passion, a burning fire from within, but beyond that, powerful expressiveness.. she just oozes emotion via her face.. and that's an attractive quality, because it's much easier to feel a strong connection and understanding for the person when their face communicates so strongly and clearly in terms of emotional expression)
- Eliza Dushku (In a couple of her later films, she makes great use of her body as a sexual instrument.. It's almost as if she can be a b*tch, but chooses to not be a total b*tch, does the guy the favor of letting him enjoy the sexual energy she has to offer via her body, it's a unique sense of confidence, but in some instances it's very attractive)
- Maggie Q (I've seen her in a couple of films, but what I like about her is that she's almost a complete b*tch.. That's right, maybe that flew threw your head a little bit, that's ok, i'll repeat it.. what I like about her is, that she's almost a complete b*tch.. Everything about her body-language and facial expressions radiates and oozes the message that she's full of herself, that she knows she can drive you wild, that she knows you want her, and she wants you too, but.. "it ends there, it's open-ended".. and that's exactly the point)

Appeal towards the nice-side: (We're not going to look at the typical Natalie Portman/Mandy Moore appeal in girls that nice-guys fall for, all that amounts to is feeling like the girl is vulnerable and needs someone next to her, we're going to explore a little beyond that)

- Kate Beckinsale (Watch the movie "Click", notice that through her movements, facial expressions, and tone of voice, she conveys the character of a sweet, mature, considerate, and affectionate partner.. there's something subtle that's important in her role, she's sexual, but covertly, not overtly, nevertheless sexual though, this has really strong appeal to nice guys)
- Scarlett Johansson (Similarly, watch "The Island", Scarlett has very choppy body-language so she's not a good example until she's having sex.. Pay attention to her face, and voice throughout the whole film.. how this almost perfect object of femininity is so pure, free of alterior motives, and simple-minded, not manipulative, honest)
- Anne Hathaway ("The Devil Wears Prada" & some other movie where she plays a pricess.. Similar to Johansson, Anne takes on the role of this pure, honest, non-manipulative, non-catty girl who endulges in life, who is lost, who needs help, who is vulnerable at certain points in each film; this flips a trigger-switch in nice-guys)

Appeal towards the hybrid of the two: (Sophia Bush in "Hitcher", towards the beginning of the movie, before they meet the psycho-guy.. make note of the delicate balance between a sweet & honest personality type, and a mild b*tch that's conveyed through her clothing and body-movements, sexual assertiveness/openess)

- Alessandra Ambrosio (Does she have the Latin-American appeal to pull it off? Yes, let's not kid ourselves, but let's also try and spell out that appeal.. She conveys sweet, happy, playful, energetic, honest, quiet, and composed through her body-language and facial expressions, BUT at the same time, she conveys sensual, in touch and comfortable with her sexuality, feminine, wild, passionate, powerful, and confident that she'll blow your mind away faster than a Ferrari can go from 0-ot-60)
- Keeley Hazell (She's actually very interesting; her inner-b*tch is very subtle.. She first comes off as this happy, composed, quiet, fun type.. and at that point, she sets her hooks.. her cat-side comes out.. purring, confident in her body, her looks, her sexuality, her feminine energy, her powerful and deep gaze, her naughty/playful smile, but she's not in-your-face about it, it's subtle, it's internal, mostly, but manifests itself quietly; slowly building up, sucking you in)
- Eva Green (Although Alessandra is my favorite, Eva has a very special place in my heart as a very VERY close second.. It's all in the vibe she gives off, intelligent, deep, sophisticated, classy, cultured, understanding, strong and powerful, but at the same time, vulnerable, fragile, delicate, and emotional.. then, happy, full of life, energetic, alive, affectionate, loving, passionate, sexual, natural and raw femininity.. I think the best example to see her in is "Casino Royale".. but if it's an ideal-standard I hold for women to match up to, it's Eva Green)

Notice, all of these types are different, and there's no catch-all appeal.. You win some, you lose some, there's always some trade-off.. But you can mix-match some characteristic traits and personality qualities, for as long as they're compatible and not conflicting (which some are).. but the most important thing is not to transform yourself into something you're not, but to rather use these examples as a model to guide you towards your own, personal, individual mode of your unique personal identity

[Desinate]

there's almost no guy on the planet that would reject a girl as harshly as some girls would reject guys..

Wow.. So true that its not funny =_=
Scorp you have the best advice ever. I even steal some of it and tell some of my friends Or we even use the 1 - 10 system at school, for girls. lol

P.S. No i didnt only read up to there
/proud!
I read all the way to your last post

[lemonade69]

Great!! Thnx so much, I'll def look up those books!

[lemonade69]

Ok, so I sent him a text wishing him good luck for his exams, and he doesn't reply. That's bad news right? Should I just give up?