Lonliness Gets in the Way of Work

[CAM]

Think about it...eco...why am I lonely? Because I have yet to meet someone who would make me say that work is less important than her. Wow, it is such a terrible thing to know that you are really good at something? My boss, at a company luncheon, actually said in his speech that I was destined to go far, further than him. I don't let that go to my head and I don't go around all haughty...to me, its more like I really want to live up that kind of a compliment.

At the same time, I would like to balance my life with a wonderful relationship with a sincere woman who wants to share a life together...and it should not be a zero sum game.

One would think that a woman would not see my potential as a threat, but apparently they do. See, they want to change the rules of the game, removing Cameron's qualities from the equation, and establish a whole new, rather pedestrian metric of just being together (me doing everything that I'm already doing...maintaining a house, paying the bills, etc) except that instead of doing what I really enjoy (my career), I should sacrifice that and pay attention to them while we sit on the couch and watch movies (this is after I've cooked and done the dishes) and travel around doing rather silly things (and me buying trinkets at every tourist shoppe they see). In other words, they want to be taken care of and in return I should be satisfied with sex and time away from my profession (in which I am just now reaching a good stride, having finally established myself). Unfortunately, I haven't met someone who understands what I really offer them and can accept that it is part of me and that I need their love and support. Instead, they see it as a threat to them...that I'd somehow choose it over them.

So yeah, I'm lonely. I do need time alone but I also need the love and support of a woman who is secure enough within herself to see that I'm there for her but I'm also there for the profession and that my accomplishments would be our accomplishments.

Get it? Or do I need to say it again?

[ecojeanne]

ok i like your tactics considering you just said that you were sooo much better than me considering you don't know me. admirable, i'm willing to watch and learn but in fairness i've seen it all when it comes to manipulation, everyone wants somone to love but most people don't hold themselves up in such high esteem as you do, no matter how they try to convince us, you actually believe you are better even tho in reality we are all equal no matter how much you think you know otherwise and no matter how much your boss says otherwise, you are still human like everyone else

[Aeradalia]

ok i like your tactics considering you just said that you were sooo much better than me considering you don't know me. admirable, i'm willing to watch and learn but in fairness i've seen it all when it comes to manipulation, everyone wants somone to love but most people don't hold themselves up in such high esteem as you do, no matter how they try to convince us, you actually believe you are better even tho in reality we are all equal no matter how much you think you know otherwise and no matter how much your boss says otherwise, you are still human like everyone else

* I highly doubt you've seen it all in regards to manipulation... even the 'old and wise' will come across a few tricks they haven't seen before.... so to state 'I've seen it all when it comes to manipulation' is to put yourself above everyone, since it's impossible for anyone to have such complete knowledge... In an attempt to show you know more than him... you've discredited your stance.

Come now Eco... let's be reasonable and debate from a vantage that doesn't require adapting the same tactics you accuse him of using.

* What's wrong with holding oneself in high esteem? Doing so can be vital if you don't want to be taken advantage of as those with low esteem often are. The qualities he wants in a woman aren't unreasonable... so he isn't holding himself in such high esteem to where he still couldn't give as much as he hopes to receive from a potential mate...

* Who does he believe he's better than? You? His co-workers? Women in general? The entire human population?

* People are not equal... they have equal opportunities for success... it is in this approach to success that our differences become noticed... Some people are smarter than others... some are more athletic... there are always those with advantages over others... so it's impossible for us to be 'truly' equal... we are just afforded an 'equal opportunity' (or close to one anyway)... nothing more.

* Being human does not equate to being 'equal' to the rest of the species. He is nearly equal to many, better than a few, and not nearly as good as some. But he, you, or me are a far cry from being equal to each other... or anyone else in our species.

Your argument is flawed and seemingly driven more so by emotion than actual fact... What is the real reason for your dislike of his views?

[ecojeanne]

no people are equal and thinking otherwise either way is not healthy and no i don't think i'm better than him; you conveniently left out that i mentioned that i'm willing to watch and learn therefore discrediting your opinion that i do think i'm better, no i don't dislike his views, in-fact i find him interesting, i just happened to pick up on what seems to be his attitude and yes maybe i was a bit harsh but i'm pretty sure he can handle it considering what he has stated about himself...

it seems to come accross to me that no woman would be good enough for him and that's sad for him

i hope for his sake that i'm wrong

[vashti]

i'll be nice.

Ditto.



(But I was thinking of actually posting my real opinion until I saw this post, but suffice it to say I'm not buying any of this BS.)

[Junket]

I think Eco is drunk.

[Indignant]

Because I have yet to meet someone who would make me say that work is less important than her. Wow, it is such a terrible thing to know that you are really good at something?

At the same time, I would like to balance my life with a wonderful relationship with a sincere woman who wants to share a life together...and it should not be a zero sum game.

So yeah, I'm lonely. I do need time alone but I also need the love and support of a woman who is secure enough within herself to see that I'm there for her but I'm also there for the profession and that my accomplishments would be our accomplishments.

I think you need to meet someone who will accept that your work is of importance to you and share your desire to achieve greatness in life. most women have it all screwed up in their heads and instead of being a guide and companion they would more readily ruin a man's career. you exist for your own sake and need not rely on any companionship to be happy. if a person comes along who would be willing to share your life and make you happy by just being there without any whims, then let her share your pursuit for happiness, but in no way should you sacrifice your personal goals. it's going to be hard to find a female with high self-esteem who is not threatened by your career. but why settle for the anything else when your life and success are at stake? you should only fall in love with someone who shares your values and does not drag you down.

[Aeradalia]

no people are equal and thinking otherwise either way is not healthy and no i don't think i'm better than him; you conveniently left out that i mentioned that i'm willing to watch and learn therefore discrediting your opinion that i do think i'm better, no i don't dislike his views, in-fact i find him interesting, i just happened to pick up on what seems to be his attitude and yes maybe i was a bit harsh but i'm pretty sure he can handle it considering what he has stated about himself...

it seems to come accross to me that no woman would be good enough for him and that's sad for him

i hope for his sake that i'm wrong

Please present some facts to back up how people are equal... what is your definition of equal... when it's apparent that people have different levels of intelligence (measurable by IQ tests and measuring cognitive abilities), athletic abilities (can't all be winners in sports), and at the work place (wouldn't hire just anyone for a given job --- they have to have the skills and education appropriate for that occupation). And claiming that having a differing view to the 'everybody is equal' idea is a sign of possible illness offers no validity to the idea. So far, as it stands... they are merely opinions, until evidence is presented to the contrary.


It wasn't left out as a matter of convenience... it was left out because there was a contradiction... if all the information is known about a given subject... then there is no need to watch and learn --- because technically you already have. Can't learn the exact same thing twice in its entirety.


Eh... you didn't like his attitude... it makes sense now..

[CocoChanel]

misery loves company.

[Aeradalia]

Nah... just in a mood for a friendly debate... and I know Eco is least likely to go haywire on me... she tends to keep her cool...

[ecojeanne]

i think i found the man...irrelevant to this convo but i'm too happy to care too much about this.

aera honestly yeh his attitude did come accross quite badly to me, but reading back i went a bit OTT

sorry oops i likely read into this too much

erm also i still believe everyone IS equal and no-one is better than another, you're being too specific, there are flaws in each and every one of us. good balanced self esteem is good but awareness of ones flaws is also important to make a person appreciate another and appreciate life

[CAM]

i think i found the man...irrelevant to this convo but i'm too happy to care too much about this.

aera honestly yeh his attitude did come accross quite badly to me, but reading back i went a bit OTT

The equality stuff is a load of crap. Equality before the law? Yes. Equality in the eyes of a Creator? Sure. Otherwise...nobody is equal in condition. Nobody.

Glad you found the man...now you can get stuffed. Equally, of course

[Mish]

i think i found the man...

If I find out that man was the ledger or the ex who asked you to marry him, I swear I'm getting on a plane to Ireland to do some serious slapping.

[IndiReloaded]

At the same time, I would like to balance my life with a wonderful relationship with a sincere woman who wants to share a life together...and it should not be a zero sum game.

One would think that a woman would not see my potential as a threat, but apparently they do. See, they want to change the rules of the game, removing Cameron's qualities from the equation, and establish a whole new, rather pedestrian metric of just being together (me doing everything that I'm already doing...maintaining a house, paying the bills, etc) except that instead of doing what I really enjoy (my career), I should sacrifice that and pay attention to them while we sit on the couch and watch movies (this is after I've cooked and done the dishes) and travel around doing rather silly things (and me buying trinkets at every tourist shoppe they see). In other words, they want to be taken care of and in return I should be satisfied with sex and time away from my profession (in which I am just now reaching a good stride, having finally established myself). Unfortunately, I haven't met someone who understands what I really offer them and can accept that it is part of me and that I need their love and support. Instead, they see it as a threat to them...that I'd somehow choose it over them.

So yeah, I'm lonely. I do need time alone but I also need the love and support of a woman who is secure enough within herself to see that I'm there for her but I'm also there for the profession and that my accomplishments would be our accomplishments.

Get it? Or do I need to say it again?

Cam, I think its wonderful that you would consider your accomplishments "yours" (plural) in a relationship.

But, a couple things come to mind when I read this. Esp your long second paragraph:

First, if that is how your GFs have been, you pick some high-maintenance chicks. OR you are trying to make up for something by 'trying to do it all'. If the latter, you are achieving a self-fulfilling prophecy. Unless you enjoy cooking & cleaning, then you should be negotiating and sharing these things for mutual satisfaction (e.g. in my house, for example, generally the person who cooks doesn't clean).

But, I've also read previously that you *enjoy* doing these things & want to be left alone to do them. So you can't have it both ways, you can't 'wait on your woman' and then be secretly bitter about it.

Second, I agree, you have much to offer a partner. But what is it you envision getting from them? Really, you haven't said much about this. Are you even the type to LET them give you anything you might, heaven forbid, come to enjoy and rely on? Its one thing to say what you don't want; any entirely different thing to know what you do.

Just some thoughts.

[IndiReloaded]

The mention of Einstein in the other thread made me think to post this for Cam, from Elsa Einstein:


The Doctor came down in his dressing gown as usual for breakfast but he hardly touched a thing. I thought something was wrong, so I asked what was troubling him. "Darling," he said, "I have a wonderful idea." And after drinking his coffee, he went to the piano and started playing. Now and again he would stop, making a few notes then repeat: "I've got a wonderful idea, a marvelous idea!" I said: "Then for goodness' sake tell me what it is, don't keep me in suspense." He said: "It's difficult, I still have to work it out."

She told me he continued playing the piano and making notes for about half an hour, then went upstairs to his study, telling her that he did not wish to be disturbed, and remained there for two weeks. "Each day I sent him up his meals," she said, "and in the evening he would walk a little for exercise, then return to his work again. Eventually," she said, "he came down from his study looking very pale. "That's it," he told me, wearily putting two sheets of paper on the table. And that was his theory of relativity."