lonliness or love

[deyla]

I've been in this long distance relationship with this guy for the past 2 months. I met him on Dec 30, dated him for a week, was completely infatuated, then he moved to California, has come back to see me 3 times since...

For the first month I thought I was madly in love, then on the third weekend he came to visit, I suddenly lost complete interest...He sensed my lack of interest, and before going to the airport told me how before the weekend he was madly in love me, and doesn't understand where I stand etc...Somehow by the time he left, I was back in love with him...

Then this past weekend, the first two days I was madly in love again, he met my family, they strongly disapproved, and somehow all these little things about him started bothering me, and I lost romantic interest all over again.

I told him so, and was considering breaking up on and off this week, but he keeps swearing his love, and I suddenly miss him again...

Neither of us ever had a really boyfriend/girlfriend, and I'm wondering whether this is love talking, or it could just lonliness on both ends that is bringing us together??

[BlackRose]

How old are the two of you first of all? And second of all, this does not sound like love to me. This sounds like an infatuation. The loss of interest is normal in a long distance relationship. Your body is just coping with the constant loss of him that happens every time he leaves. I suggest that you strongly consider if this is really worth holding onto. These sorts of things don't ever last long unless one of you is willing to move to be with the other.

[bohemiandonut]

This sounds like you are ambivalent and self-centered. You were "madly in love" and then completely lost interest. Now you want him back. Are you sure? If so, you are volatile and no person deserves to have to deal with you in this period of emotional insecurity.

Do him and yourself a favor and take some time alone to settle out.

Rosey is right, you can't hold onto this without one of you sacrificing their geographic location. Doing so will only be painful. I say tell him (kindly, you sound like the kind of person who needs to be told to be kind) that you a long-distance relationship is not working for you.

Don't drag this out.

[deyla]

I'm 22 he's 25.
I'm not sure about this whole thing at all.
It definitely started off as an infatuation, and I was under the impression that he would lose interest.
I lose interest when I'm with him, not when he's away. When he's gone, I really miss him and forget about all the issues that make me lose interest to begin with...
He would move out East to be with me if this goes well...He's madly in love with me, and when I talk about ending it, tells me how crushed he would be, and asks me to really think long and hard about my feelings in this whole thing.
How do I know what I'm feeling?
I've never really felt this way before about anyone, but at the same time, never really been in any sort of relationship...

[bohemiandonut]

You're afraid.

Don't jump into this without giving that fear time to fade. If you need time to think (hint hint), tell him. You may decide you really do love him and he is worth it. But no one can know how long that will take. Take some time alone, without the stress of having to make a decision. Don't be guiled into an ultimatum.

This is kind of strange because 99% of the time the person posting is someone in the position of your boyfriend. Everybody pay attention, maybe our guessing days are over!

[deyla]

I have told I need time to think. Won't be seeing him again for a month...
I told him all of this actually. But I don't know if he gets it...can one still be madly in love with a girl that has lost interest??

I am very afraid...

You're afraid.

Don't jump into this without giving that fear time to fade. If you need time to think (hint hint), tell him. You may decide you really do love him and he is worth it. But no one can know how long that will take. Take some time alone, without the stress of having to make a decision. Don't be guiled into an ultimatum.

This is kind of strange because 99% of the time the person posting is someone in the position of your boyfriend. Everybody pay attention, maybe our guessing days are over!

[iamnotstan]

That is a shame he moved out west.
I live in the east though, maybe I can help keep your mind off him (kidding).

[deyla]

I actually thought about dating other guys...
thought it might help clarify whether I'm really in love with him, or it's just my mind playing games on me (or my responding to his love)

[indigosoul]

I think you do not love him, not yet anyway. Whoever posted the quote "love is trust" has got it in one. Anyone you truly love you will be able to trust with anything, including whatever it is that is eating at you. If you can't (comfortably, not forcing yourself) then you're not there. Date others; visit when it works for you both and see what evolves. Many a great couple has weathered significant time apart b/f figuring out what they really wanted. Best wishes.