Boyfriend has a sexual crime record. Help.

[Gribble]

We've been seeing each other for about a month now so I guess I can't continue referring to her as the girl I **** unfortunately.

And don't worry. I have no qualms about getting a little extra on the side. You ladies won't have to go without.

[misombra]

one month huh?

could it be he's fallin in looooooooove?

[Gribble]

Love? Feh. She lives less than five minutes from my workplace. I get laid and I don't have to get up as early in the morning. Love's got nothing to do with it. Also, she's Indonesian. She's like a Japanese beauty with a tan. Hell yeah.

[vashti]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFQlZht2DU4"]YouTube - What's love got to do with it Tina Turner (Grammy's 1985)[/ame]

[veruca67]

How long was their relationship? Even if she was only "20" they can't go out to a bar together, and stay out late like adults do. The fact that she was actually 16 is crazy. Look at it this way, if his story was true, this crazy ass girl decided to ruin her own rep by calling the cops on a mutual relationship. That is if he is telling the truth.

Stuff like that you have to be careful of. Serial killers are charming "nice" men. It could have been a rebound. If his story is true, how does that make u feel? I'd be more worried he was lying.

I appreciate everyone's answers and this guy and I are still dating and madly in love. I have brought it up to him and he said that he was truly sorry and it was a lapse in judgement after his divorce, and he thought a 20 year old boosted his self esteem and that he had no clue she was 16 (really?) This girl sent him pictures and he put them in his recycle bin, but the cops took his computer away and found them anyway. He went back to his wife and this is why she was upset. The whole story just is really bizarre to me. Let me tell you this, I am an attractive 42 year old woman and I would never, repeat NEVER date a 20 year old and I could certainly tell if he was younger than 20, and yes, I know, woman mature faster, wear makeup, etc., but STILL. No matter how shitty I felt about myself, I would never put my criminal record or my sanity in harms way. I really think he is using the excuse of, "boo-hoo, poor me, I felt bad," when in reality, he wanted some young "stuff," period, end of story. I guess it makes him feel better to use his psychological well-being as an excuse.

Okay, now this is embarrassing, but you know how when you pleasure yourself, it is sometimes to an ex.... no big deal. I wonder if he pleasures himself to this 16 year old? I asked him and he said, "no." Of course he would never tell me the truth. It sickens me.

Sometimes I just want to run away and say, F-it, this guy has a criminal history and made a really f-ing bad judgement call and digs hot, young girls, then other times I say, "hey, he is human and made a mistake." And, he is a man, and they tend to think with their you know what's... nonetheless, I have never dated a guy who has even done this or thought of it.

He treats me better than any man has, we love to enjoy life together and we have great and normal times exploring the city, etc. He is smart and incredible and has an incredible family, a great step-son and is friends with his past 2 ex's.

Anway, I am still confused.

[IndiReloaded]

I'm a big believer in gut instinct. The fact you are concerned he might be a creep probably means....?

Don't talk yourself into ignoring something that doesn't seem right. That little voice is almost always right for stuff like this.

[lesa]

I appreciate everyone's answers and this guy and I are still dating and madly in love. I have brought it up to him and he said that he was truly sorry and it was a lapse in judgement after his divorce, and he thought a 20 year old boosted his self esteem and that he had no clue she was 16 (really?) This girl sent him pictures and he put them in his recycle bin, but the cops took his computer away and found them anyway. He went back to his wife and this is why she was upset. The whole story just is really bizarre to me. Let me tell you this, I am an attractive 42 year old woman and I would never, repeat NEVER date a 20 year old and I could certainly tell if he was younger than 20, and yes, I know, woman mature faster, wear makeup, etc., but STILL. No matter how shitty I felt about myself, I would never put my criminal record or my sanity in harms way. I really think he is using the excuse of, "boo-hoo, poor me, I felt bad," when in reality, he wanted some young "stuff," period, end of story. I guess it makes him feel better to use his psychological well-being as an excuse.

Exactly. He has to tell the story in a sympathetic fashion.

The photos on computer? He did not really remove them? In the recycle bin? Hmmm, okay. The girl gets pissed off. Why? Reports him and tells the cops he has stuff on his computer and the stuff actually is? How long were they on his computer? Why did he not remove them completely? Where was she emailing him from? Does he know? Where does he visit or pick her up? Her home? Parent's home? High school? Dorm? Streets? Did he pay for service? How long did they "date"? It sounds like he has a long and major lapse in judgment. You have to listen very carefully to how people explain things and it's difficult to do in cases of romance. Did you look up the description of his sex record? It's there for you to read and can give hints to help you decide what to do next. When you like someone you go straight into denial or coping mode so that you can preserve the relationship and make yourself feel better.

[veruca67]

Exactly. He has to tell the story in a sympathetic fashion.

The photos on computer? YES

He did not really remove them? HMMM, INTERESTING THOUGHT.

In the recycle bin? Hmmm, okay. IT IS WHAT HE SAID.

The girl gets pissed off. Why? THE EX-WIFE WANTED TO COME BACK AND WHILE THEY WERE SEPARATED WAS WHEN HE MET THIS "16" YEAR OLD. HE DUMPED THE GIRL TO GET BACK WITH HIS WIFE. THE GIRL WAS FURIOUS AND TOLD HER PARENTS. THE PARENTS ARE THE ONES WHO CALLED THE COPS. THEY DID NOT BUST HIM FOR HAVING SEX WITH HER AS THAT CAN'T BE PROVEN, BUT FOR TOPLESS PICTURES HE HAD ON HIS COMPUTER.

Reports him and tells the cops he has stuff on his computer and the stuff actually is? YES.


How long were they on his computer? GOOD QUESTION.

Why did he not remove them completely? HE SAID HE PUT THEM IN THE RECYCLE BIN, BUT THE COPS FOUND THEM THERE.


Where was she emailing him from? I ASSUME HER HOME COMPUTER.

Does he know? ???

Where does he visit or pick her up? SHE HAD HER OWN CAR AND WENT TO HIS PLACE. SHE SAID SHE WAS IN COLLEGE DURING THE DAY, BUT IT WAS REALLY HIGH SCHOOL.


Her home? NEVER, BUT YES, THAT IS ODD. WHY ALWAYS HIS PLACE. DID THAT NOT GIVE HIM A CLUE? OR, MAYBE SHE SAID SHE STILL LIVED AT HOME AS MANY 20 YEAR OLDS STILL LIVE AT HOME.


Parent's home? High school? Dorm? Streets? I GUESS THEY ALWAYS WEN TO HIS PLACE, WHICH SICKENS ME.


Did he pay for service? NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

How long did they "date"? YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T KNOW.

It sounds like he has a long and major lapse in judgment. EXACTLY.

You have to listen very carefully to how people explain things and it's difficult to do in cases of romance. Did you look up the description of his sex record? YES, I LOOKED IT UP, AND IT JUST SAYS POSSESSION OF PORN OF SOMEONE UNDERAGE.


It's there for you to read and can give hints to help you decide what to do next. When you like someone you go straight into denial or coping mode so that you can preserve the relationship and make yourself feel better.THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM DOING.

SEE ABOVE.

[fadingaway07]

If you need verification to make you feel better about the situation, go to familywatchdog.net. It's a simple search engine where you can literately type in a persons name and it will pull up a sex offenders list. If he trully got arrested for what he says then by looking up his name and pulling his file (a free service) everything should match up. If you click the offense it will break down what the crime was and then you can know if he just got unlucky or is a pervert. If your still not ok with it, you should probably end the relationship.

[Rollerderby]

Gosh this is such a tough call. On one hand, I feel bad for the guy having the guts to come clean with you (although having a history like that, would probably be hard to hide forever especially if he wants to get serious with you), and now it's ruining your relationship with trust issues.

On the other hand, you have every right to be suspicious. I'm not defending this guy, but it sounds like he got screwed in this deal. It sounds like the case of two wrongs don't make a right. He was wrong to date someone so young, but the fact of the matter there is nothing illegal with dating a 20 year old, even if that is what grosses you out. I know she was really 16. There are also some very young looking 30 year olds, who people think are 16. So it works both ways.

Chances are, he was just having a mid-life crisis, like he said, except he really ****ed up. But you have to really look deeply within yourself if you can continue with the man. Is there anything you think you would ever find out that would make you feel comfortable about this scenario? Probably not. So maybe it's best to leave, as much as you might not want to.

[vashti]

veruca - Just tell me you don't have any daughters...

[boobaa]

Young sdtupid girls getting involved with old crunks need to get hurt. Hurt them while you can!

I am glad for your boyfriend.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

If he felt the need to completely delete the pictures out of the computer then that would be suspicious behavior.

Alot of you are in denial, but alot(and I mean ALOT) of girls are developing so fast it isn't even funny. The "baby face" is no longer there. Even how they carry themselves is not what you'd "expect" from a teenage girl.

I've been hearing that I look 21 or 22 since I was 15 years old.

I don't think the guy is a sick ****. 20 is still young, but he admitted he needed an ego boost. He thought she was of legal age. I doubt he was looking for someone to marry or carry a long term relationship with. She was like a rebound.

I think the fact that he was upfront about it to you is a good thing. What I'm getting from alot of these posts is that he doesn't deserve a chance to learn and grow from his mistakes. Like one **** up means you can not move on with a relationship in your life ever again. PLUS, it was the only time. Had it continued after this one girl I would sense the red flags. But it didn't, right?

I think this is all about insecurities. If you show him how insecure you are about this you could potentially make him hide things from you in the future.

[moonfairy_2002]

its only been 2 months and if you have to think this hard about it you dont need to be with him. Cut your losses. Who to say he is even telling the truth.

[veruca67]

veruca - Just tell me you don't have any daughters...

No, I have no children. His last girlfriend had a young daughter, but she did not seem to care about his past. I wonder why "I" care, but his ex-wife did not and his last girlfriend did not. He said they understood. Hmmm, not sure about this. Maybe I am more selective and looking for a long-term relationship and this issue extends far beyond mistaken identity. Yes, he was probably going through a tough divorce and a mid-life crisis, although, at the time, he was 33 years old, so that is not really mid life. He just told me she was attractive and made him feel like a stud, or something like that. He met her in a line at a fast food restaurant....Just the mere fact that he f-cked a 16 year makes me sick.. even if it was a mistake. I am not sure if this is my own insecurity, or if I just don't dig a guy who "dug" a young girl. And, Jesus, 16!!! He was in his 30's! I love him very much and we have dated solid for 2 months and things are great, but I can't seem to get this out of my head. He wants me to love him for him and his actions and understand it was a mistake. So, it is a tough situation. I always think he is watching teen porn or thinking of or looking at young girls, even though he does not do this. So, is it me? Am I being unreasonable?

Thanks everyone for your feedback.