Boyfriend has a sexual crime record. Help.

[veruca67]

Okay, I only want to ask women this specific question as a man's answer would be 100% different. Okay, I am 42 as is my boyfriend. Well, 7 years ago, after a divorce, he dated a girl who told him she was 20, but discovered she was 16 after he dumped her and she called the cops and told her parents. He did not get busted for having sex with her, but possessing a topless picture of her. Nonetheless, he has a "record" for this.

Althought he "thought" she was 20, it still makes me feel weird that he was even attracted to a 16 year old and even if she did "look" 20, he was in his mid 30's at the time and that that does not settle well with me.

We have only dated a couple of months and he is one of the greatest human beings I have ever met... he has a good job, is so gentle and kind and says he loves me. He said he thought she was 20 and he was depressed over a divorce and this girl made him feel special.

Anyway, the 2 women he has dated since have not judged him for this, but I am. It makes me feel insecure.

Am I wrong for this?

[Indignant]

ah, this is my problem as well. i also have fantasies about 16 year olds, however had no luck getting them in bed.

in regards to your situation. well, the guy got lucky. age really is just a number, if both of them were able to find something that made them happy for that while, then let it be.

how old were his other girlfriends after the 16 year old?

[veruca67]

ah, this is my problem as well. i also have fantasies about 16 year olds, however had no luck getting them in bed.

in regards to your situation. well, the guy got lucky. age really is just a number, if both of them were able to find something that made them happy for that while, then let it be.

how old were his other girlfriends after the 16 year old?

Are you a lesbian? I assume so. He got lucky? Uh, okay. I guess you missed the part where he got arrested because she was UNDER AGE. So, for the short period of time they dated, I guess somebody got something. But, the law does not really look at age as "just a number."

His other girlfriends are about his age, not young. It just makes me feel weird. I guess I would like someone to address that.

[Indignant]

lol, i meant boys, hee hee

in this situation you have to think above the law, it already happened, it looks like he didn't take her virginity. she didn't seem like a good person after all since she complained at first sign of trouble, you could always remind him of that. men appreciate dating a mature woman above a teenager. young ones are only good for occasional fuk, but having a relationship will also require maturity and security.

thus bringing us to your next issue. you should never compare yourself to any of his other women, and especially not ever bring it up to him. to him and to you, you are the most beautiful, smart and caring person in the world. make him believe that his life will never be the same without you. it's not what you look like or how old you are, but what you do for each other in life. our actions do speak louder than our looks in long term relationships.

[Gigabitch]

I could see him being attracted to a 20-year old. Pursuing her is another matter.

Some guys freak out when they hit 30 and want to prove they still have the mojo. If he wasn't serious about her, I think it's no big deal- just a lapse in judgment, and what person hasn't had one of those, right?

However, if he found their relationship to be fulfilling in any way other than sexually, I'd be a little concerned.

Take him to the park on a fine summer day to see how he reacts to the young and the underclad. Maybe that will tell you if this is an ongoing trait.

[bluesummer]

God, I thought this thread was going to say he was convicted of rape in the past or something. So he got a slap on the wrist for having some girl's topless picture. Big deal.

Giga's right, guys that age who've just out of a divorce usually feel like their manhood has taken a hit and need to prove themselves. It was probably just an ego boost. If all his other girlfriends following had been the same age, I'd be concerned, but you said they haven't, so relax.

[lesa]

I would be concerned that he isn't too bright. Caught with underage pictures? I'm sure he sensed the girl was under 18 unless this was a one night stand type of relationship. I was actually in a very similar situation and because of that I must say RUN. I say that because there are usually other major issues waiting to be known. Actions show true character.

[lastwish]

Possesing a topless picture sounds immature. Even for me and I'm 19. Hopefully, he's more grown up now. Does he show other signs of immaturity?

[Yggdrasil]

Okay, I only want to ask women this specific question as a man's answer would be 100% different.

Nice assumption. You must know whats on the mind of every single man in the world to be able to make such statement.

This isn't gender dependent, it depends on personal morals, ethics, beliefs and views.

While I definitely don't agree with having sex with someone underage, it's quite possible he's speaking the truth and he had no clue. Only he knows the truth.

Anyways. Base of any longlasting and healthy relation is trust. Seems that's missing on your end.

What I see is a person who made a mistake, knowingly or not, and trusts you enough to open up to you. If this causes insecurities on your end, I believe you have some thinking to do and some decissions to make.

[lesa]

Anyways. Base of any longlasting and healthy relation is trust. Seems that's missing on your end.

It's only wise to take the wary approach in dating a man who put himself in such a position. It does tell you about character (sometimes) and the state he was in at that moment. In some cases having such a record can emotionally and mentally affect a person for life. And for that it saddens me.

However, I wonder what concerns do you have veruca. Are you insecure because he was with very young women? Now, I would explore that just as much as his criminal history.

[Yggdrasil]

It's only wise to take the wary approach in dating a man who put himself in such a position. It does tell you about character (sometimes) and the state he was in at that moment. In some cases having such a record can emotionally and mentally affect a person for life. And for that it saddens me.

However, I wonder what concerns do you have veruca. Are you insecure because he was with very young women? Now, I would explore that just as much as his criminal history.

Frankly, what worries me more is that he appearantly had 2 other dates inbetween and he told them the same. Is this guy contineously rebounding?

[vashti]

I wouldn't be able to date a man who had anything to do with such a young girl. Sorry, but it doesn't speak much to his maturity level, and you don't REALLY know how old the girl looked, do you? He certainly wouldn't tell you she only looked 16. besides, are you prepared to spend the rest of your life worrying that he is hitting on children? No thanks.

[Aeradalia]

Weigh it out... do all of his other attributes carry more weight than this one offense? If they do, then put these worries to rest... if they don't then leave and spare both of you the misery of reoccurring doubts and insecurities.

[vashti]

Maybe you should tell him you'd like to speak to the girl to get her side of the story... you know, to see if they match up. Maybe speak to her parents, too. That is, if you are really thinking of keeping him around. (I still wouldn't. No freakin' way.)

[Rollerderby]

How long was their relationship? Even if she was only "20" they can't go out to a bar together, and stay out late like adults do. The fact that she was actually 16 is crazy. Look at it this way, if his story was true, this crazy ass girl decided to ruin her own rep by calling the cops on a mutual relationship. That is if he is telling the truth.

Stuff like that you have to be careful of. Serial killers are charming "nice" men. It could have been a rebound. If his story is true, how does that make u feel? I'd be more worried he was lying.