Go Elsewhere for sex

**Gigabitch** · 12-03-10, 03:30 AM

But he lives in London. He'll get a splintery 2 x 4 up his ass without so much as a "May I?" if he divorces her. Their system is completely unfair to the man.

**vashti** · 12-03-10, 11:46 AM

Why is everyone calling this "cheating"? It's not cheating if the wife gives permission. Duh.

I agree with Giga - get it in writing. protect yourself.

**IndiReloaded** · 12-03-10, 12:00 PM

Or... since your kids are little you could just hide it from her. Time-honoured method. Are you smart enough to be that discreet, both yourself and the partner you choose?

Tho, you seem to love your wife, which sucks for you. You'll never get written permission from her tho. LOL, that's an argument waiting to happen.

**Illusional** · 12-03-10, 12:04 PM

question, is your sex drive worth the divorce?? or look at it this way, are you wiling to spend the rest of your life miserable?? i hate women who only take take take....and from what i have been through (nothing like marriage), but i personally won't stand for a women who wants to take all the glory and leave me in the shade. you honestly might not want a divorce for your children's reason's, but you also have a life too.

raverboy

**vashti** · 12-03-10, 12:06 PM

Hmm... I got the impression she genuinely meant it when she said he could have sex with someone else, though I suppose it's possible she was being sarcastic. But what would be the point in that? If she doesn't want to have sex with him, why should she cares if someone else does?

**Illusional** · 12-03-10, 02:42 PM

i wonder if she might consider divorce. she said that she wants a live without sex that has the fun times of shopping, friends, and partying... it sounds like she doesn't want to have anything to do with her husband other than maybe his money.

raverboy

**1337lizard** · 12-03-10, 04:08 PM

I'm surprised you still want to be with her Rob. I'm normally against cheating, but I don't consider this cheating since she didn't just consent to you seeking sex elsewhere- she suggested it.

Good luck with your marriage. I understand how much that must've hurt. Before you make any decision about sleeping with another woman you should try to clear your emotions and think about what you really want.

**Doc Durian** · 12-03-10, 04:41 PM

She'll get jealous once he does as she suggested, whether she wants to resume sex or not.

Marriage is a contract and sex is part of it.

She's breaking the contract and telling him to break it as well.

That means "run" like hell.

If she doesn't give a shit about his needs, she won't abide by any informal agreement made between them about his mistress hunting. Eventually, it will turn into he said/she said... the courts will rule on her behalf because he "pressured" her and is a bad husband and father, he loses everything and is forced to beg for time with his children.

File for divorce, mate. Grab your personal effects, get out fast, and get a lawyer. Explain your situation to him/her. They may be able to salvage some of your life before she thoroughly turds on it.

run like you've never run before

**rob258** · 12-03-10, 07:32 PM

Hi all,
I can't thank you enough for your thoughts and helpful comments. I spoke to her again about it last night and told her how upset I am. I broached the subject of divorce but she is absolutely not having it. She said if I wanted to go down that route she would make it as hard as possible and make me wait the full two years. She said again - go and get yourself a sl*t - there is no reason for a divorce as she is quite happy for us to continue as a family and to the outside world appear as normal.

When she used the sl*t word I actually burst into tears - I don't want a sl*t - I told her I want her but to no avail.

**sookie6** · 12-03-10, 09:15 PM

Rob

Let me tell you something: this woman the way you have described her to us is not RIGHT IN THE HEAD!!

She is selfish, mean and cruel. So what you need to do is to grow some balls (and we know you have some otherwise you would not be posting on this subject) and move out.

Even if it takes 2 years it's better to fight two years for this instead of sitting at home taking abuse from a psycho...

And yes first step would be to seek some unofficial legal counselling...haven't you got some free legal advisor in your city hall???

There might be some legal loophole you are ot aware off.

But do it now, instead of hoping for improvement in a relationship that is doomed already.

I find it ironic that she's fighting the idea of divorce...I know very well that sort of women. They want the marital status because what people think is only what matters to them....You have found her weakest link...

**vashti** · 12-03-10, 09:26 PM

I don't know what her motivations are for wanting to remain married, and I don't want to discount the fact that she probably has her own story to tell.

I still think you should get her permission in writing, and then find a discreet mistress.

**rob258** · 12-03-10, 09:38 PM

Hi sookie, thanks - i will give that angle some thought. It does seem very important to her that her current lifestyle doesn't change.

vashti, you are of course, right. of course she would have her side to put, as in any couples problems. and she would probably say i am sex obsessed and that's all i care about - as that it what i get told all the time.

The fact however that I waited so long without it out of respect for her doesn't mean anything. I do lots of other things wrong, of course. But I would certainly say they are small niggly things that many husbands do - messy, forgetful etc.

BUT I provide, I love, I take care of and am a loyal husband and father - and that doesn't seem to count for anything

**IndiReloaded** · 13-03-10, 04:06 AM

Is it possible SHE is getting some from elsewhere? Just a sideways interpretation to consider. She seems really dissociated from you and your marriage, somehow.

BTW, I think you should get those divorce papers filed NOW. Noone should be a hostage in their own marriage. The longer you wait, the more clout she will have. As for you, go to counselling for yourself. What you are experiencing is incredibly unhealthy and soul-destroying. Find some support, you need to know what's happening is NOT okay.

**MissAnn** · 13-03-10, 04:45 AM

Originally Posted by rob258

Hi all,
I can't thank you enough for your thoughts and helpful comments. I spoke to her again about it last night and told her how upset I am. I broached the subject of divorce but she is absolutely not having it. She said if I wanted to go down that route she would make it as hard as possible and make me wait the full two years. She said again - go and get yourself a sl*t - there is no reason for a divorce as she is quite happy for us to continue as a family and to the outside world appear as normal.

When she used the sl*t word I actually burst into tears - I don't want a sl*t - I told her I want her but to no avail.

That could be one of the problems with this arrangement. It sounds like for you sex involves to some extent an emotional connection. It may be hard to find a nice, self-respecting woman who will believe the whole "I am in an unhappy, sexless marriage" explanation. Unfortunately, this usually what ALL men who want to cheat on their wives say to their mistresses, even if it isn't true.

**Doc Durian** · 13-03-10, 04:59 AM

Let's break this all down:

1. Your wife refuses to have sexual congress with you.
2. Your wife suggests you find a mistress.
3. You suggest dissolving the marriage.
4. Your wife threatens you.
5. You back down and again contemplate taking a mistress.

How much do you want to bet that she'll be threatening you when you do take another woman to be the lover you deserve?

Your children, house, cars, yearly income, savings, self respect, need for emotional happiness?

Run like Forrest Gump, mate...

Run, Rob, Run.

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