Torn.

[Mish]

i really don't know if i can, and why the hell do i feel disgusted when other guys flirt with me? I've been talking to more ppl the last couple days and every time a guy flirts with me, i just feel repulsed....

It's a phase you go through after the break up. A few years back when I broke up with my ex I couldn't picture myself with other women as well. And in general when I thought of girls I thought of her. But after a couple of months it passed and I was back to normal. It's all just lingering feelings I guess. Though I have to say the first couple of weeks after the break up are the worst, you'll find yourself craving the attention of your ex like a drug thinking if only I could just do or say one little thing everything will be back to normal. But, it never can be back to normal, if you do by some miracle end up back together all of the past issues that made you separate come back 10 fold. This state is something that only the time can heal.

[tooxshort]

Hey, no one ever said a breakup was easy. Of course you're going to miss him ... all that's needed is time, if you let it. If you relapse, then the pain gets extended.

[Bo]

Hey, no one ever said a breakup was easy. Of course you're going to miss him ... all that's needed is time, if you let it. If you relapse, then the pain gets extended.

It feels like he died or something and i've been getting the urge to call him all day and i can't get him out of my head. sometimes i completely just gaze off into nothing thinking about it w/out even realizing that i am. i'm having dreams about him whenever i go to sleep. It's pretty much a nightmare right now. we texted this morning, literally one message it was sorta good but gahhh. idk i think i'm just drivin myself nuts here.

It's a phase you go through after the break up. A few years back when I broke up with my ex I couldn't picture myself with other women as well. And in general when I thought of girls I thought of her. But after a couple of months it passed and I was back to normal. It's all just lingering feelings I guess. Though I have to say the first couple of weeks after the break up are the worst, you'll find yourself craving the attention of your ex like a drug thinking if only I could just do or say one little thing everything will be back to normal. But, it never can be back to normal, if you do by some miracle end up back together all of the past issues that made you separate come back 10 fold. This state is something that only the time can heal.

That's the thing is that i want to work out the root of our problems, none of our issues are bad enough that it can't be fixed neither of us has cheated or hit each other or anything insane. idk maybe i'm just coming up with reasons why we shouldn't be broken up. I actually don't think right this second is a good time for us to be together but i'm hoping that somewhere down the line we can patch things up still.

And you know it's not actually that i can't picture myself with someone else, i just don't feel the desire to be with...say, even the hottest guy on this planet. And if things don't work out in my favor....i'm actually planning on laying off dating till next year. and just focus on school and work since i've never really had a long break from dating and i need one.

[Illusional]

i agree with shorty. if he can't respect your culture, then how are things supposed to work out later in life?

raverboy

[Bo]

It's not that he doesn't respect my culture, he just doesn't exactly understand how things work. He texted me asking how i was and said that we should have a conversation soon....i don't know what about.

[Illusional]

^^^ kinda contradicting yourself ah? well i'll give you this, there is a difference between not understanding how your culture works, and not "TRYING" to understand how your culture works.

raverboy

[Bo]

^^^ kinda contradicting yourself ah? well i'll give you this, there is a difference between not understanding how your culture works, and not "TRYING" to understand how your culture works.

raverboy

well of course there is, idk it kinda doesn't matter now since we're not even together anymore now if we do end up back together. there are definitely some things we're gonna have to work out...so it just depends on what happens the next couple weeks

[Illusional]

if things don't work out for you, i'll change my name to brian... only for you.

however, things are still fresh so i think that if you want to get back together with him, you both should keep in touch.

raverboy

[sookie6]

The problem you had with your bfriend is cultural.

It is a fact that in some cultures parents retain control and power over their children until they are married. FACT.

I had an argument with a friend once trying to explain that there is nothing to understand about it, it's just the way it is...

But I think being from a western culture most people would see you as weak and dependent whereas in your mind you are being respectful of your parents.

I know a few multi-racial/cultural couples and the secret to their happiness and long term relationship is a lot of tolerance and acceptance. And love of course.

Your ex lacked patience and wanting you to take allchances when he was taking none...easy for him to risk your material comfort...what if your family rejected you? Would he care for you financially until you fall back on your feet?

You have no garantee of that and the pressure he put you under was unfair...therefore farewell to him...

In time you'll remember the good times and move on from this guy...I'm pretty sure he'll try at some point to see you again for easy and non-commital sex...it will be up to you not to let yourself used...

Someone mentioned very rightly in the post that should you leave your parents for this guy you'll only be transiting from one controlling household to another...

It's fair to say you deserve to be with someone who takes your feelings into account. Someone who will be a breath of fresh air in your life rather than adding pressure.

[Bo]

if things don't work out for you, i'll change my name to brian... only for you.

however, things are still fresh so i think that if you want to get back together with him, you both should keep in touch.

raverboy

lol.

The problem you had with your bfriend is cultural.

It is a fact that in some cultures parents retain control and power over their children until they are married. FACT.

I had an argument with a friend once trying to explain that there is nothing to understand about it, it's just the way it is...

But I think being from a western culture most people would see you as weak and dependent whereas in your mind you are being respectful of your parents.

I know a few multi-racial/cultural couples and the secret to their happiness and long term relationship is a lot of tolerance and acceptance. And love of course.

Your ex lacked patience and wanting you to take allchances when he was taking none...easy for him to risk your material comfort...what if your family rejected you? Would he care for you financially until you fall back on your feet?

You have no garantee of that and the pressure he put you under was unfair...therefore farewell to him...

In time you'll remember the good times and move on from this guy...I'm pretty sure he'll try at some point to see you again for easy and non-commital sex...it will be up to you not to let yourself used...

Someone mentioned very rightly in the post that should you leave your parents for this guy you'll only be transiting from one controlling household to another...

It's fair to say you deserve to be with someone who takes your feelings into account. Someone who will be a breath of fresh air in your life rather than adding pressure.

Yeah, for sure i see what you're saying. He's not a complete control freak though, a lot of the break up had to do with other factors but the cultural difference thing is huge for me. I'm stlil trying to figure out where it fits in both of our lives. I'm constantly pushing the limits for him and i know he is for me too but just in different way.

[Illusional]

^^^ WHAT?? i don't even get a hug?? or at least a damn thanks...?!?!?!? sheesh...


raverboy