My GF has gained weight, how can I get her to realize it w/out hurting her?

[Kaius]

I lost almost 40 lbs since I divorced my ex-wife. I look and feel really fit right now. I try to look nice for my GF, but she told me my looks really don't matter to her. She likes me as a whole, and loves everything about me. I asked, what if I were 300 lbs....would you still have sex with me?
She answered, "ya, I'll just lift up your belly fat to give you head." hahahahahahah... I know if you love someone, you will love them no matter how they change. But they should be responsible and diligent enough to try to look attractive for you. The effort is extremely sexy.
If my woman turned 300 lbs due to medical condition, but she tries hard to lose the weight, I would be sooooo sexually turned on by her efforts.

[Brick]

I have the exact same problem as TJchan. I've been silently resenting my GF of 2 years bc of this. There are days when I decide I'm so inlove with her that I don't care what shape she is; but then there are more days when I just sit there and sulk when I see her eating anything she wants at 11:30pm, after supposedly "working out" at the gym (mainly consists of her sitting around chatting with her girlfriends). She goes to the gym 4-5 times per week, so she thinks she's healthy, but the reality is that she's not doing anything helpful while she's there. She's mainly there to socialize. Cardio is "work" for her, too, so she prefers not to do it. She'll lift some weights, do a couple of pull ups, and call it a night. I'd say her total *real* workout time per week is somewhere around 1 hour. Then somehow she deserves a full meal right after each session because of it. I've thought about saying something, but just can't bring myself to do it. I've read this post so many times (TJ: I'd love to hear an update!), hoping to get the courage to say something; but I just can't. I can't stand the thought of hurting her with this issue (she's 100% oblivious to it all).

Some of the ladies on this post say that girls KNOW when they've gained weight. I really really think it doesn't apply to my GF. She seems completely and utterly oblivious to the fact that she sometimes looks like she has boobs on her back when she wears her bra/shirt too tight. I have to type these harsh things out, bc otherwise it's really becoming bottled up and everyday is getting more difficult for me to fake being pleasant around her, as if nothing's on my mind, as if I don't have an issue with the fact that she's eating a burrito at midnight.

I've tried pretending that I'm having an issue with my own weight/eating habits. That doesn't work, bc she'll just look at me and tell me that I have body image issues and that I'm totally fit and fine and blah blah blah. She doesn't realize that I'm dropping all the hints in the world. In fact, I KNOW I'm fit, because I take VERY good care of myself. I do cardio 3-4 times a week (real cardio, where my shirt is soaked with sweat), and I lift weights. I know my body looks good, I don't have a problem with myself in anyway, but I'm pretending that I do to try to get her to join me in working out and eating more responsibly. Oh, that's another thing, she eats a salad for lunch every weekday, which makes her think that she's healthier than the average person (which I'm sure she is), but I think the salads won't counteract the fact that she's not doing any real exercise EVER. She's just not burning the calories she's taking in.

PLEEEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!

[nerdy_guy]

You can't do the "pretend" thing dude. She knows you look good already, That would come out with body image issues. Believe it or not, some girls tend to let themselves go once they think that they're taken. It seems that you're going to the gym together. I suggest that you be her gym partner instead of just letting her wander around. If possible, change gym schedules so that she'll have no one she knows while she's there, therefore there are no friends to talk to but you. I'm assuming she eats a lot of garbage if she's still munching at 11pm. That has to stop. Try making a program for her for compound exercises which would last for 45mins to an hour and tell her she just needs to do that for 3 times a week. Maybe that would make it look like less work for her.

By the way, you're in a pickle. If you do tell her about her weight, I'm sure she'll make you feel like you're an asshole inspite of your good intentions.

[Charlie Boy II]

I have to admit, I kind of go for girls I know aren't going to put on weight because I don't think I'd handle this situation well at all.

[ecojeanne]

just tell her she is unhealthy, you don't have to mention fat/weight. this word should be a scary word for men to ever utter. never do. you don't want to seem superficial (which of course you are but it's understandable). i don't know where you are in your relationship but if you plan on having kids then her fatty diet is not good for the future genes of the potential children. if she doesn't wise up and get healthy she is risking her future generations and that's not ok.

if anything that is a very valid excuse to mentioning the state of her body and health

[Charlie Boy II]

i think he should just say, "you've put on some weight and I'm finding myself less attracted to you physically and I'm worried our relationship will suffer," or maybe put that in a text message? haha

[doppelgaenger]

What annoys me about women is that:

Skinny women will playfully tell you they look fat and they know they aren't.
Women who have put on weight know it for sure, but sometimes they don't do anything about it.
If you stay with a woman long enough to put on enough weight that she gets depressed, she starts blaming you for it.
And lastly, if you do or say anything, trying to encourage her to exercise and lose weight, she gets offended, because you're supposed to love every ounce (or ton) of her or she doesn't acknowledge that she is overweight.

[Gigabitch]

She seems completely and utterly oblivious to the fact that she sometimes looks like she has boobs on her back when she wears her bra/shirt too tight.

Point out someone else's backfat and tell her how gross it looks. Maybe she'll take a hint.

Do you eat late at night too? If you do, stop it. it's a really bad habit anyway, and maybe if you refuse to do it and tell her you heard it makes people fat, she'll have a moment of self-inspection and feel embarrassed.

[qwertz]

i think he should just say, "you've put on some weight and I'm finding myself less attracted to you physically and I'm worried our relationship will suffer," or maybe put that in a text message? haha

I go for this approach..maybe not the text message part though!

What annoys me about women is that:

Skinny women will playfully tell you they look fat and they know they aren't.
Women who have put on weight know it for sure, but sometimes they don't do anything about it.
If you stay with a woman long enough to put on enough weight that she gets depressed, she starts blaming you for it.
And lastly, if you do or say anything, trying to encourage her to exercise and lose weight, she gets offended, because you're supposed to love every ounce (or ton) of her or she doesn't acknowledge that she is overweight.

Ermmmmm, we dont all pass the buck.

[LailaK]

HA! I've lost 10 lbs in the last few weeks and my boyfriend is sad because my boobs are smaller. Go figure.

[nerdy_guy]

maybe put that in a text message? haha

So that she won't be able to sit on him?

[Charlie Boy II]

why are some female posters so adverse to him just telling her straight out, that she's put on weight???

[qwertz]

I think with a lot of women, weight is a sensitive issue, I'd always prefer to be told bluntly if im putting on weight, but maybe that is because ive never had an issue with putting on weight, but i guess the women who have are more insecure and therefore sensitive about it.

[LailaK]

why are some female posters so adverse to him just telling her straight out, that she's put on weight???

If he wants her to fester angry feelings about him for 6 months until ultimately she breaks up with him, loses the weight while she's single, and get's a hot new man with her hot new body, then yes... he should tell her he thinks she's fat.

[VincenzoG91]

He should pay some stranger to tell her that she's fat.