Still Waiting

[Dean Kaplan]

It's going to sound childish but I don't believe I need therapy. I just need to be right. And by right I mean my choice of my former wife as my soulmate. By right I mean the decision to marry her and plan a life of children and wedded bliss. The single thing that angers me the most about this is that she is happy without me. By being happy without me she is saying without words I wasn't good enough for her and that she found someone she regards as better. She is the one who is supposed to be alone and miserable, not me. She left me. She broke our vows and therefore she should be the one paying the consequences of such deceit, not me. In all this I am the victim yet because I am a man and not a woman I am the one who is required to become something better than what I am instead of just being good, honest and faithful. She wanted a man who was motivated and successful in life, not a man who is good at heart and devoted. Yet we are all told from day one that all we have to be is those things I was and still am to find true love. But it's a lie. Whether they admit it or not women just want a man who has enough money to support them so they can pop kids out and not be in the poor house. Look how many women stay with horrible, violent, cheating men because they are able to provide financially and then look how many good, honest and caring men are left by the wayside because they are poor or unsuccessful. I shouldn't have to work so hard just to achieve something as a prerequisite to acquiring love. Just by being me and me alone I should be able to find true love, but that is not the case. That will never be the case. And for this, I pray every day that my ex is punished horribly for leaving me. I pray that her soon to be new husband turns out to be abusive or cheats on her constantly or that she ends up infertile (considering how adamant she always was about having children). Something, anything. I want and need her to be miserable so that I might restart my life. By her being happy and me being miserable she has won and I have lost. I don't want to live the rest of my life as a mistake in her past. That just cannot be. I decided she was the one for me. It doesn't matter by what logic I decided it. Everyone determines their own reality in their own way and that thus becomes fact. Therefore this reality I now live in has to be false. Or at least a terrible nightmare I've yet to wake up from.

I'm not pointing blame at you, I'm just trying to help you get things together. She's gone. You have to do what you need to do to accept that. She's not coming back, at least it doesn't sound like it.

when was the last time you had contact with her? You need to cut off ALL contact with her. Go get a makeover, start working out if you aren't already. Do things that will help you restore confidence in yourself. If you want her back, she certainly wouldn't come back to you in your current state of mind, you sound miserable. I'm not trying to be harsh here, I'm just being honest.

[Dean Kaplan]

It's not like every love gone wrong follows your precise pattern. Men leave women, women leave men, the ones who leave feel they need something better and the ones left behind have to put on their big-boy or big-girl underwear and get over it because life is like that, sometimes. And sonetimes, the one who left gets theirs in the end, karma's a bitch and the one who is left gets the last laugh. And sometimes that doesn't happen at all, the one who left us high and dry and hurting lives happily ever after and it isn't fair, or even close. Which is why the best revenge is a well-lived life. Because at the end of the day, YOU are the only person whose life you get any say over. Make it spectacular, do it for revenge at first and eventually you can do it just because having a spectacular life feels damn good, as it turns out.

Wow. Well-said. Damn well-said.

[Dean Kaplan]

I don't know what the point of this thread is, really. I don't know what the point is of anything I do anymore. I just brood and ponder of this every single day without end and as far as I'm concerned "getting over it" is giving in, giving up and accepting defeat and I just don't do that anywhere in life. I just know that this shouldn't have happened and that's where I'm stuck at.

Hey man, we're here for you. But you have to calm down and listen, if you're truly looking for help. I understand where you're coming from, but at a certain point you have to take responsibility for your life. It's almost like you read what we're suggesting to you, but you're not absorbing it, because you're so full of frustration and contempt.

What we show outwardly is often a replica of what's in us. You really need to do some things to become happy from within yourself, because my assumption is that the way you're acting right now is somewhat related to the reason why she left you.

Please don't mistake me for trying to hurt your feelings, but maybe a big dose of reality will piss you off enough to initiate change, which is my hope for you my friend.

[Petit Papillon]

You now what Christianonli ? There are two possibilities :
1.You're a troll but in hiding ,caue you always come back with those stupid stories of yours and you somehow never want to take a good advice from us

or

2.You're a psycho and someone needs to take care of your mind before you do something bad to your ex wife or other woman.

Really. Don't come back here if you're not willing to take our advice. We don't want to read your whining. You're crying like a little girl. Get over it.

To others that are new to it : This member comes back with the same shit every month or two. And he NEVER takes our advice. So just don't bother,k?

[BeingAlpha]

Well.. here is the thing -- the whole basis of therapy is that therapists don't offer advice. They simply listen to what you are saying and essentially repeat back what you say.

What I have learned is that mostly people don't want advice at all -- all they want is for you to listen to them; and affirm that the decision they are making or are going to make is the right one.

So...I don't know if ChristianonLI is a troll or not -- I am not willing to say that. I believe that he is going through a very difficult time...a time that most of us here (cause we are on this forum) know all too much about.

I am going to give ChristianonLI a break -- type out your deepest thoughts here -- yell and scream them into your pillow but please know that they are natural, your anger is natural, but you need to stop blaming your ex. Relationships take 2 people...and sometimes -- I'll be honest... LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH.

I am sorry that your ex left you but she is a free willed person, who knows in a different time and a different place she would be on this forum talking about you. As for revenge, I don't think that it will make you feel any better. If she is not making the payments on the truck that is in your name well thats just inconsiderate and should be rectified.

[ChristianonLI]

Papillon, I stayed away from this forum for several months. I had been hoping I was getting better but things have happened and I'm back to feeling miserable. And you call me a troll for it? This was not meant to be my life. I think back every day on our wedding, our honeymoon and our entire relationship. Everything about it was right. She was the one person who was able to accept me for what I was. There cannot be another who will accept me the way she did. She should never have changed her mind. That's all I know. This should not have happened.

[Petit Papillon]

Look, you wrote 203 posts, I bet all of them are bitter and depressive. Get over it ,really. People get cheated on, divorced , left without a reason everyday . You should just stand up,dust yourself up and continue your life. She will not come back and you will not find other woman with such attitude. I predict, you will stay alone for the rest of your life, because there is no sane woman that would decide with hell full consciousness to stay with such emo guy like you. You need medical help if you can't help yourself. If you think that she's the only one that could accept the way you are,then maybe it means that she's crazy and just got sane recently and YOU need to do something about yourself. You're insane dude. Look for professional help. YOU need to change yourself, world doesn't work like this that people will jump around you like you'd be some mother****ing treasure. And again, well if she was the one who could accept you and you lost her then the only person you can blame is your SORRY ASS. Sorry, but it's common human mistake that they appreciate good things after they are gone forever.
And don't get angry at me, I tell you how it is. Yeah your life sucks, but you're the only one person that's not doing anything about it so BLAME YOURSELF.
I tell you, come back here, when you'll be willing to take some advice. GET HELP. It's for your own sake.

[isavic]

she definitely will not be the last to make you happy, let me recall my own story then u will know better. i lost my wife in 2009 after being married for 7 years. we lived happily for those years before the cold hand of death snatched her from me, at first i think i could not handle the situation, but as time pass by i begin to understand that there is a better life ahead to live for. as i was able to put here death behind me, it was then i begin to see the possibilities of ever been happy again, though i still remember those lovely moments we enjoy together, but i have come to accept that i cant see her again and a better life ahead, now my life has been better for it. though my story is a little different from yours, but the formula is the same, try to put everything behind you and prepare yourself for the best life ahead and the best of life will locate you. but before you do that you must take time to access your life style critically, if there are any areas you are not up morally, ethically and romantically you have to brush that area up and you will see that suddenly you are the handsome groom in the neighborhood. before i stop, i must let you know that smoking your lungs out will not salve the problem it will only enhanc it. just try and apply the strategies outline here you will be better for it. God bless you.

[HeartIsAching]

The beauty of a woman exists as a direct relation to a man's financial income. .

Suddenly, we're hip-deep in horseshit.