Affair with a married man.... what should I do?

[sssspanos]

Seriously talking, I think we should isolate things here...

1. If the Op can afford the fact that this guy will never be in a real relationship with her and could sometime get lost suddenly from her life due to his family, them it's not her duty to protect his marriage.
2. If the guy has the need to cheat, it means that his marriage has an issue - the op is not the reason. His wife might be too stressy, he could be an asshole - anything...

[MaidenMinx]

Seriously talking, I think we should isolate things here...

1. If the Op can afford the fact that this guy will never be in a real relationship with her and could sometime get lost suddenly from her life due to his family, them it's not her duty to protect his marriage.
2. If the guy has the need to cheat, it means that his marriage has an issue - the op is not the reason. His wife might be too stressy, he could be an asshole - anything...

No it's not her duty to protect his family, it's his. Having said that, she is asking if it's ok to sleep with him regardless of him being married and the general consensus is no. She doesn't have to protect his marriage but seriously, how good about oneself can one feel as a mistress? He just wants somewhere warm to put his dick. That is all she is to him. I would not recommend that for anybody.

[IndiReloaded]

Noone outright plans to cheat, unless they are a self-proclaimed asshole. That would go against self-consistency theory. People want to believe they are good, moral people and they are--right up until their selfish wants come up against those boundaries. Then comes a choice about which road to take. Some try to justify their actions with arguments they know really don't stand the light of reason (which is why they end up posting here). But, in the end, they have to face whether they are going to break their moral code b/c its worth it, or not.

Good luck OP. Don't fool yourself: what you are doing is wrong by most standards, including your own based on your post. These things tend to backfire, so I hope its worth it. Chances are tho, based on the experience of others, it won't be. But that's another thing people do to try to justify their behaviour: convince themselves they are somehow special/unique. Its all flavours of the same justification I already mentioned.

[IndiReloaded]

I would, personally, be mad as hell at the woman who even dared take my guy away from me. But if he were to cheat on me, I'd be WAY more pissed at him than at her. Who is she anyway, you know? HE betrayed my trust. She doesn't even exist (assuming she was a stranger to me in the first place).

I agree w/you Searock, FWIW. The husband made a commitment to his wife, not the other woman. The only thing the OP has responsibility to is her own morals in this situation. The husband, however, has responsibility to himself, his wife and family.

I love these women who want to blame the other woman and not their own poor choice of partner. Temptation is everywhere. Its about standing up for *one's own* commitments. We are only responsible for our own acts of will.

[sssspanos]

No it's not her duty to protect his family, it's his. Having said that, she is asking if it's ok to sleep with him regardless of him being married and the general consensus is no. She doesn't have to protect his marriage but seriously, how good about oneself can one feel as a mistress? He just wants somewhere warm to put his dick. That is all she is to him. I would not recommend that for anybody.

In a way she can also just want something warm inside her - nothing bad about it for heavens shake... Why do you assume she needs a relationship?

There can be sex without relationship - there can t be a relationship without sex in my opinion...

[bcgirl]

I also follow WU's school of thought in that if there were no people willing to sleep with attached people then infidelity wouldn't exist.

prostitution is the oldest job a woman ever had in history that we know of....

Prostitution still exists even thousands of years later.

Although there may not be other women willing to sleep with a married man. There are plenty of prostitutes out there that are willing to sleep with whomever at a price. So as long as money make the world go round.... there will be men that cheat and women who are willing. This will never end.

Oh, and the typical "John" a prostitute gets is a married man with 2.5 kids. Your typical "family man". Scary huh.

[MaidenMinx]

In a way she can also just want something warm inside her - nothing bad about it for heavens shake... Why do you assume she needs a relationship?

There can be sex without relationship - there can t be a relationship without sex in my opinion...

I never said she needs a relationship. Why do you assume I assume this?

Yes there can be sex without a relationship and there are plenty of guys happy to have a no strings attached relationship. She doesn't have to do it with a married man.

Oh and there is nothing wrong with her wanting a good boning either. That's what going out and picking up is for.

[MaidenMinx]

prostitution is the oldest job a woman ever had in history that we know of....

Prostitution still exists even thousands of years later.

Although there may not be other women willing to sleep with a married man. There are plenty of prostitutes out there that are willing to sleep with whomever at a price. So as long as money make the world go round.... there will be men that cheat and women who are willing. This will never end.

Oh, and the typical "John" a prostitute gets is a married man with 2.5 kids. Your typical "family man". Scary huh.

Sorry, didn't realise I had to clarify all of what WU said before that I agree with which was basically, if no one sleeps with anyone who is attached to someone else, infidelity will cease to exist outside of prostitution of course.

And I think you'd find most of the 'family man' types going to prostitutes aren't getting any at home. I have heard of numerous cases of the wife losing her libido after kids and giving her husband a green card to get it elsewhere. Not saying it's good or bad just saying it. I've also told my husband when watching a doco on prostitution that if he is still active at 70 and I've lost interest, he is more than welcome to seek it elsewhere. That, by the way, wouldn't be cheating.

[IndiReloaded]

if no one sleeps with anyone who is attached to someone else, infidelity will cease to exist outside of prostitution of course.

LOL, and if wishes were wings pigs would fly. Damn gravity, how dare it interfere with my plans for travel w/o my broomstick! If only...

[MaidenMinx]

LOL, and if wishes were wings pigs would fly. Damn gravity, how dare it interfere with my plans for travel w/o my broomstick! If only...

Oh I know.

On to language for a moment, I said to a kid (9) the other day, if wishes were horses beggars would ride. She said "huh?". I was disappointed.

[bulrush]

prostitution is the oldest job a woman ever had in history that we know of....

Prostitution still exists even thousands of years later.

Although there may not be other women willing to sleep with a married man. There are plenty of prostitutes out there that are willing to sleep with whomever at a price. So as long as money make the world go round.... there will be men that cheat and women who are willing. This will never end.

I get your point here. And, as a man, I will never sleep with a prostitute because I enjoy the emotional connection from sex. That's what I really want. And prossies don't offer that.

[tremolo]

How sexist. May I remind you that it takes 2 to cheat, and it's both of their fault. Or maybe the wife is just bad in bed? And he doesn't get his needs met at home.

Bulrush, I really like you, and I often like what you have to say, but this kind of thing drives me absolutely crazy. I am beyond tired of hearing men use bad sex as an excuse to cheat. I find it really funny that it is always men who use this excuse, yet it is women who have a much harder time being pleased in bed. I enjoy sex more than most women probably do, and I've been in several relationships with men who were selfish or boring lovers/didn't know what they were doing in bed/never got me off, and I stayed in those relationships and never cheated because a) my 'O' is not that important in the grand scheme of things (though most men who complain about sex and are actually getting some are having orgasms) and b) cheating is not something I do, because I am not that kind of person.

I agree with you that it takes two to cheat, and that each person in any affair is mutually culpable, but this idea that men (or women) are in any way justified in cheating on their partner or spouse because their sex life is less than earth-shattering is a bunch of a tommyrot. You either work on the sex with your partner to make it better, you suck it up and deal with it because the relationship is ultimately a good one, or you get out of the relationship. Finito.