freak me out??

[michelle23]

Exactly the evidence is here all the time that it leads to many problems. I have many close friends ((both male and female) but id be much closer to my female friends-only see the rest of them in groups, nights out, or if i bumped into them in town id have a quick chat.

I think anything more than that is crossing a line really

[bearz]

Exactly the evidence is here all the time that it leads to many problems. I have many close friends ((both male and female) but id be much closer to my female friends-only see the rest of them in groups, nights out, or if i bumped into them in town id have a quick chat.

I think anything more than that is crossing a line really

It's only crossing the line when people actually ACT on their feelings. But yes, the chances are much higher if you are close friends, not disputing that.

[Wakeup]

The point is to avoid getting "the feelings" in the first place. Its disrespectful to keep dating someone when you're already dating someone exclusivly and when you hang one on one doing activities together with an opposite sex friend, you're dating them.

[vashti]

OK gents,
what does it mean, when you are great friends with a guy... (just friends, with no benefits ) ... he will call you when needing to go to the hospital, he will be there when you need him... he will tell his gf that you are a great friend (which you think you are)
and then, when drunk, he will tell you: "you freak me out" (several times during the same evening, not wanting to say why and when asked some other day, not willing to answer... but still acting like an amazing friend).

I don't know. What does it mean when a girl spends so much time and energy trying to micro-analyze the thoughts of someone who is supposedly only her "friend"?

[bearz]

The point is to avoid getting "the feelings" in the first place. Its disrespectful to keep dating someone when you're already dating someone exclusivly and when you hang one on one doing activities together with an opposite sex friend, you're dating them.

Right, but where exactly do you draw the line? There's a big difference between just being good friends and almost dating that person.

[Wakeup]

well, both myself and michelle have already mentioned where you draw the line in order to avoid your SO viewing your date-like activities as dating. If you're doing all the things you do with your SO, with your opposite sex friend then where's the significance in being one's 'significant' other? (just the sex? pffft)

No one-on-one time (perhaps the odd lunch) no hanging out with just the two opposite sex friends, no spending hours chatting on the phone, email, chat, skype etc with your "friend" those are bonding rituals that should be saved for the one you're suppost to be emotionally bonded to.

[VincenzoG91]

Right, but where exactly do you draw the line? There's a big difference between just being good friends and almost dating that person.

Easy rule of thumb for me: no spending time alone with a woman, except for my girlfriend. I have female friends and acquaintances, but I would feel awkward about getting together with just one of them and nobody else around. The OP mentioned this guy being drunk when he said that she was freaking him out. Imagine that. The two of them all alone together, and he's drunk and has lowered inhibitions. Doesn't take much imagination to see that was an awkward situation for allegedly platonic friends.

I've been on a lot of dates over the years. There are some stereotypical dates, like the classic dinner and movie combo. But I've done a fair number of less conventional dates. For example, my current girlfriend and I went to a punk rock show for our first date, and that was kind of a disaster for us. Another time, a woman wanted to teach me how to windsurf on the first date. It was nice seeing her in a swimsuit right away, but it turns out that I have zero aptitude for windsurfing and kept ending up in the lake. Anyway, my point is that a lot of activities can feel like a date if it's just two people of the opposite sex together. So I don't put myself in that situation.

For me, the foundation of lasting romantic love is this: attraction, trust, communication, respect, and shared values. A platonic friendship is likely to include the trust, communication, and respect, and possibly the shared values. All it takes is one person to start feeling the attraction, and then maybe some kind of catalyst, like say alcohol. Then you've got something more serious happening then a mere friendship.

[michelle23]

Yes all those things we pointed out can and does lead to emotional affairs, cheating, separation, divorce, 4lives shattered, lots of guilt, shame, pain and kids with a lot of issues..

And the spouses left behind are so shattered-practically suicidal.

Its not worth it

and a lot of the time- the person engaging in the affair regrets it and ends up also suicidal when they lose everything..

[Wakeup]

And the spouses left behind are so shattered-practically suicidal.

Drats and we were even on the same page until another blanket statement thrown in there. *sighs*... and *grinz* (don't lose it on me, michelle )

[michelle23]

It does turn their whole world upside down-it takes time to heal the pain. Thats what i meant. But they usually move on and end up happy with someone else if there smart. If not, they let the dweeb crawl back..

[michelle23]

Dont take my statements literally. Irish people say things for dramatic effect out of habit.

Eg. I got a fright could come out as i nearly had a fecking heart attack

or

My heart is breaking could come out as bastard stuck a knife in me..

Lol dont take everything i say kiterally. Its mainly slang or habit.

[bearz]

I agree with everything you guys posted here and it makes total sense. But I'm not seeing any of this happening with the OP, at least not at a level that I would see as alarming - except him saying "you freak me out" which I guess we still don't know what he really meant by it.

[michelle23]

But she is reading into things over analyzing. Why would she be on here if she didnt have a hidden agenda? If one of my friends said that to me-i wouldnt care enough to read into it.

And the fact he refuses to talk about it or tell her what he meant is also dodgy..

[bearz]

Rewind her story for a bit and stop right before he tells her "you freak me out". At that point in time, would you consider their friendship at an alarming level already? I just don't see it.

And I don't think she is doing anything wrong. She's not the one saying this stuff, it's him. She's just wondering about it as in "why does he say this to me when he's got a gf?"

I don't think you can simply draw a line and say this is ok and this isn't. Each friendship is different and people feel and react differently in certain situations. If you really wanted to be on the safe side, you just dont have friends of the opposite sex, and we all know that's rarely the case.

[onesexyblonde]

i think it means hes drunk and not thinking