Having a relationship with a man with kids

[Tia01]

Hi Wakeup, no he doesn't spend too much time with his ex. We didn't reallyhave any holidays in 18 months for two of us mainly because he has his holiday with his son in Ireland every year, to his relatives, for 10 days in august which is the summer holiday..I, of course, would love to go and see my family or travel a bit around. At Christmas he needs to be here for his son..I, again, would love to be with my family given that is a big tradition in my country. I would also like to spend some more time at home but I know he will never be able to follow me, therefor it will be me who will have to make the'forever commitment' in order to keep us together

[searock]

Tia, he's way too old for you. This will not work out, it's best to end it as soon as possible. Breakups are always hard, but post-poning the inevitable won't make it any easier (on the contrary, it will be even tougher).

[Tia01]

Yes, there is a saying: the longer you dance with the devil, the longer you stay in hell... I guess I just need to convince myself that this is the best and then just act in the right way

[Wakeup]

Hi Wakeup, no he doesn't spend too much time with his ex. We didn't reallyhave any holidays in 18 months for two of us mainly because he has his holiday with his son in Ireland every year, to his relatives, for 10 days in august which is the summer holiday..I, of course, would love to go and see my family or travel a bit around. At Christmas he needs to be here for his son..I, again, would love to be with my family given that is a big tradition in my country. I would also like to spend some more time at home but I know he will never be able to follow me, therefor it will be me who will have to make the'forever commitment' in order to keep us together

Well, I agree that if you're not satisfied with this man then you should bite the bullet and leave him so he can find someone that is from his country and not worried about going back to hers to visit. However: you said in your opening post that you wanted to leave him because you were afraid that his ex wife would always be there and you wouldn't be his priority.

I like his boy but I have always got in the back of my head that his ex will be always there in the background and I will never be in his priorities.

so you can see why some of us are questioning your motives. You keep changing your reasons for wanting to go. Frankly I don't think his older age has anything to do with why you need to leave. I think you need to leave because this man is with a woman that is afraid that he has too many responsibilities (his son's emotional well being) and you're not mature enough to speak to him about your concerns so that he can work something out with his ex so that you'll get your way sometimes and you'll acqui·es·cence to him and his son on occasion.

Find a man that has no children (good luck finding one who is ready to settle down without children if you like em older) and just tell this one you're done. Its what you owe him if you're not fully into this relationship like you should be.

[Tia01]

Thanks for your reply Wakeup. You are right, there isn't just one reason which worries me. Is her( and the fact that she will always be in the picture, he will basically have to make two women happy), is the fact that his spare time for us is limited and also the fact that I will have to make the most sacrifices in order to keep us together as he will never be able to follow me. We did talk about it and of course he wouldn't want to give up on us that easy and I know he would make all the possible efforts for me and us...but how much can he do in reality?

[Wakeup]

but how much can he do in reality?

Short of moving to your country and looking after you and your parents, nothing would be enough I suppose.

Yea... just end it now so that he can get on with it and eventually find someone from his own homeland that won't have the expectations that you do, Tia. Its the best thing for both of you.

Learn from this so that you don't try to be with someone with an ex wife or a child in the future. That dynamic is not what you can tolerate.