Going into relationship with kids...? for moms!

[asprdrvr]

Hello,

I guess this question is directed towards the moms on here. I found this girl that I love so much, and I know shes the one, and I already know that i want to spend the rest of my life with her. We have such a great connection, and both feel the same way about everything.

She has 2 kids, which does not bother me at all. I always tell her I cannot wait to meet them and be able to do stuff with them and all of us to things together. And either though I'm scared shitless that they are going to hate me, I'm still excited.

Now, heres the problem. I am not one of those guys who don't understand that her kids are always going to come before me. Im always telling her to never feel as if I'm ever going to be mad when she puts them first, I'd obviously want them be her first priority. The thing that makes me feel sort of scared is that she loves them SO much, and I am not the one who gave them to her. So its like I am never going to have that special connection with her. I guess i feel like I'm never going to be real part of their family, and like I'm always going to be on the outside. Is that crazy or selfish to think that? I obviously don't want to tell her that so I guess I just wanted to see what others thought of that.

Thank you for any help/advice.

[vashti]

sorry to disappoint, but if she's a good mom, you WILL be on the outside. that doesn't mean she won't care about you.

[IndiReloaded]

LOL. There are women in marriage who put their kids ahead of their husband, the father, of those kids. Don't be jealous of them, consider it a good sign she can love deeply. With time, she may come to love you as much.

[asprdrvr]

Yea, Im not jealous of them. At all. That would be disgusting, and I totally understand I will always come 2nd to them. I guess I'm just a little scared that I will never be close to them or something you know. I just wanted to know if anyone has gone through the same situation, on either side, and felt the same way and how they dealt with it or how it turned out.

[IndiReloaded]

Vash has a blended family that she gets on well with. She would be the one to ask.

But, if you don't mind my asking, how old are you? Your use of the word 'scare' makes you sound young. I suspect you might be too young to consider getting entangled with a ready-made family. Its not just about you & her. Once those kids get close to you, you have a responsibility to them as well.

Much better to date (if you must) without the involvement of the kids until you both know for sure you are making things permanent. Are you really there?

[asprdrvr]

Im 21. Your right, I may be too young and that probably doesn't help. But thats why were taking it slow.

When I say scared, I don't mean I'm scared like what am I getting myself into, I'm scared because I want them to trust me and know I'm there for them, like she does. I don't want them to ever view me as the bad guy you know.

I don't know, I'm probably just being stupid and looking way too much into this. I guess the best thing is it take it as it goes. And I really hope I don't sound like an a** or like I'm jealous of her kids. Maybe I'm not wording what I'm feeling right. Thanks you guys for the responses though.

[IndiReloaded]

How long have you been dating this woman? Is she divorced? How long & how old is she? How old are her kids. Yes, all this matters.

And yes, you are probably too young regardless. But you should read the responses you get once you answer those questions to understand what the issues are.

BTW, I think there is a very good chance YOU are going to end up shredded by this. You sound kind of dopey and sincere.

[asprdrvr]

Lol, dopey?

That sucks. I dunno. I am kind of getting the vibe that regardless of what I say, you are going to be against it.

Thanks again for the responses.