I Made A Huge Mistake

[searock]

I've gone from a fit n health happy guy to clinically depressed since I met her.

Cross you fingers you don't get diagnosed with clinical depression. It does not discriminate. It can happen to anyone. It's another level of sadness that you can not snap out of. I would not wish it on my worse enemy.

I use to regard myself as a decent respectable & morally honest person. Use to love waking up in the morning.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that depression isn't a very real illness (it is). I'm saying that regardless of what happened with that woman, you would have still gotten ill at some point. She isn't the cause of your illness.

[Cracked Mask94]

If you do it once and get away with it, you'll learn there are no consequences. You are more likely to do it again. Your girl will sense your lack of commitment and trust issues. You may also become distrustful and jealous with her because you know how easy it is to cheat and lie. I think you owe it to her to tell her and face the music. She should know the real you, or her love won't be deserved.

your right she should know the real me instead of the near perfect image I've been showing her which has never existed and your right I do owe her the truth.

[Valixy]

It's a long story. Briefly I met two women within one month of each other & had instant chemistry with both. They were both clearly interested in me. I knew I had a problem.

In three years of being single I did not meet one woman where there was chemistry between both of us. I found myself in the tricky situation of having to choose one of them because the last thing I wanted to do is date behind their back. The way I think is would you like it if they were doing that to me? Answer is obviously no.

I made a rushed decision & totally confused myself. I found myself regretting my decision & to cut to the chase I ended up with either of them because I told them the truth that I couldn't decide. I wanted both of them?

About 6 months later I was totally over one of them & not over the other one. I chased her & she finally said ok lets try again however in that 6 months she was with someone else & had only jut come out of something. Now the hoe was on the other foot I was clearly into her & she was confused albeit she ended up putting it off with me.

I blame myself for stuffing it up the first time when she was totally into me. It it wasn't for my decision to tell her the truth she would not of met this new guy who she developed feelings for. I just can't see myself meeting anyone on her level again. Now that I got a clear head I cannot even believe I was interested in the other girl as i'm 110% over her.

You actually don't know how things would have turned out with this girl had you told her to take it slow, instead of the plain truth. Maybe in a few months you would have broken up because you wouldn't have been able to fully connect, or the infatuation disappeared. Maybe it would have been even worse then. Anyway, six months before or six months later, if you were indeed the one for each other you should have both felt it, don't you think? But you didn't, so your idea about what this relationship could have been or would have been it's incorrect, and circumstances had little to do with the outcome, especially because you played it fairly. I personally think that none of those two women was the right one for you or you shouldn't have had so serious doubts and for so long.

You need to rebuild your identity and this time around something much more stable, reliable and fulfilling. Relationships come and go in life and even the greatest love fades sometimes, so you owe it to yourself to build a strong, happy self with meaningful passions in life that may appreciate a nice compatible person when encountered but would not revolve all his being around her.

I think you're not supposed to learn about how honest or less honest you should be in a relationship through this experience, but to detach and redirect your energy on something that could help you (and others) grow as a person, something that you could be passionate about, and learning to leave gracefully something that wasn't meant for you. Maybe it will take you some time, but when you'll succeed you won't believe how good it feels, so much better than anything this woman or any other could offer you :-)

P.S. Sorry for derailing your thread, OP.

[Cracked Mask94]

So much wrong. The mistake was the thing you did that you had to be honest about. Being honest is never a mistake

OP, you should tell her. I don't think the relationship will survive, and it don't think that it should.

Searock, I think your right in thinking that my relationship won't survive and I think your right in thinking that it shouldn't survive.

- - - Updated - - -

Ill just add: you should have thought about the consequences before sleeping with the friend. Why did you do it? And why were you alone with another woman in the first place? You have broken some serious boundaries here and its time to face the music. The only thing worse than cheating is living a lie and pretending your mr perfect. Its her choice whether to try and forgive you or not, you cant make that choice for her

Your right I should have thought about the consequences of what I was doing but I just didn't think the about what the consequences would be and to be completely honest as to why I did it. I did it just because I could do it without giving any thought to what happened afterwards and I was alone with a another women because I lied to my fiancée about who I was hanging out with that day.

[michelle23]

Well you aalreay know you dont deserve her. it doesnt sound like a ONS to me. Its an emotional affair-not that it makes a difference now

You should be alone and get your s**t together. Figure out whats lacking in you that you cannot commit fully and figure out why you felt the need to get involved with someone else

And then after much self evaluation-you may be ready to settle down. Right now you have a lot of lessons to learn.

And if you figure out that you cannot "commit" and be loyal-then dont pretend you can

[Valixy]

this person... is trolling.

I think you're right, China. pollydancer is a troll.

[asdfgh]

Tell her the truth... My ex cheated on me and I found out 6 months down the line... It ruined everything...

You stand a better chance by coming clean

[smiling100]

You actually don't know how things would have turned out with this girl had you told her to take it slow, instead of the plain truth. Maybe in a few months you would have broken up because you wouldn't have been able to fully connect, or the infatuation disappeared. Maybe it would have been even worse then. Anyway, six months before or six months later, if you were indeed the one for each other you should have both felt it, don't you think? But you didn't, so your idea about what this relationship could have been or would have been it's incorrect, and circumstances had little to do with the outcome, especially because you played it fairly. I personally think that none of those two women was the right one for you or you shouldn't have had so serious doubts and for so long.

You need to rebuild your identity and this time around something much more stable, reliable and fulfilling. Relationships come and go in life and even the greatest love fades sometimes, so you owe it to yourself to build a strong, happy self with meaningful passions in life that may appreciate a nice compatible person when encountered but would not revolve all his being around her.

I think you're not supposed to learn about how honest or less honest you should be in a relationship through this experience, but to detach and redirect your energy on something that could help you (and others) grow as a person, something that you could be passionate about, and learning to leave gracefully something that wasn't meant for you. Maybe it will take you some time, but when you'll succeed you won't believe how good it feels, so much better than anything this woman or any other could offer you :-)

P.S. Sorry for derailing your thread, OP.

Thank you ))

You are pretty spot on!

It's slowly all making sense. I'm giving myself time & hoping I'll be back to my happy self by Xmas.