Dating someone with a child???

[blackiesharley]

Been there done that.

I couldn't raise someone else's kid in the long run.

Can you?

Good question. Something BlueVetteRacer and I each have to think about VERY carefully (since we're kinda in the same shoes) before we go much further if these relationships continue to progress.

I kinda default to this... My Father (Who was military at the time too, BTW) married my Mother who was divorced and had a six year old. He raised him like he was his own. I think my (half) older brother would agree that he thought of my Dad as his Dad more than his biological father.

I don't know the ultimate answer yet, but I'm leaning towards yes I could raise someone elses child, especially given the quality person that the Mother (my girlfriend) is.

[shh!]

OK, Bluevette (and also blacksharley, I guess). It sounds like you are both intent on doing what you want, but you can't say you haven't been warned. But for godsakes -be compassionate with the stepkids, especially if they are boys (which I say since you are men)! Their situation sucks royally; they will be "stuck" with you whether or not they care for you at all.

A word of caution for you military-types: My stepfather was an authoritarian-style step-parent. He was especially hard on my brother who was more of an intellect and less of a "macho" type of boy, preferring tennis, biking and reading to football. To this day, my brother hates him, even though he was more of a father to him than was our natural father, and despite the fact that dad's been dead for nearly 20 years.

Be gentle, compassionate and patient with the kids!

[blackiesharley]

[QUOTE=shh!]OK, Bluevette (and also blacksharley, I guess). It sounds like you are both intent on doing what you want, but you can't say you haven't been warned. But for godsakes -be compassionate with the stepkids, especially if they are boys (which I say since you are men)! Their situation sucks royally; they will be "stuck" with you whether or not they care for you at all.
[QUOTE]


I should probably mention that this (in my mind) is all in the 'what if, in theory?' stage. I mean, we've only been dating for a short period, things are always great in the beginning, but I don't want to lead her on into the next stage of our relationship if I'm not prepared to take it all the way eventually. Just not fair to her or the kid.

That's why I'm soul-searching and asking myself questions. I think I've come to the answer though, IF and only if, things should progress...